Romance sounds simple. It’s the stuff about which poets, novelists, and playwrights have written for centuries. But in practice, the definitions, thoughts, and behaviors have all manifested themselves in different ways – and what you mean by being romantic is not necessarily what your partner means by romance. So how to be romantic so that they feel and understand you?
Here are some practical tips on getting on the same page about romance and how to be romantic with your partner so they get it and love it.
What Romantic Love Is Not
You have a first date with someone, and there is definitely some chemistry going on. And you go on to have regular date nights. It is still early in your relationship, but you are already using that “love” word. But what you really have might be infatuation and lust. Let’s see what they are.
Infatuation
When you first meet someone, begin to date, and a strong attraction kicks in, you find yourself thinking of that person all the time. You are fascinated and almost “addicted” to this person. You are throwing out the word love already without really knowing this other person.
Can infatuation become love? Of course. But it takes time to develop. And it’s not the best feeling to rely on to keep your romance alive.
Lust
“Lust is purely wanting sexual contact…This is largely selfish with little thought or regard for the other person’s feelings.”
Sherry Benton, PhD, therapist
Most anyone can define lust – a strong sexual desire for someone. Early in relationships, physical attraction can be the overriding reason a couple comes together. Every date ends up in the bedroom, where physical affection and sex take place. Again, the word love begins to be thrown around when the only thing connecting the two right now is sex.
Can lust evolve into a romantic love affair? Sure. But again, a romantic connection develops as the couple is spending time together over a longer period.
How do you keep your romance alive, you may ask? Should I become a hopeless romantic? Shower them with attention and grand gestures? Answers to all your questions are in the section below.
Related reading: Limerence vs Love: How to Tell the Difference
How to Be Romantic So They Love It: 11 Tips
A romantic gesture can be as simple as making a habit of kissing your partner goodbye and hello all the way up to taking a romantic getaway and everything in between. Here is a long list of a host of ways to be romantic toward your partner, and yes, it goes both ways.
1. Identify and Honor Your Partner’s Love Language
Five languages describe five ways in which people want to be shown love in a healthy relationship. Each of us has a preferred way – a primary love language. And you can use this knowledge as the basis for elaborating your romantic ideas:
- Physical Touch: Your partner feels most loved when you show them physical affection – kissing, hugs, holding hands, and much more during sex. While physical touch is important to all of us, it is more important to this partner.
- Acts of Service: Putting love into actions refers to you doing things as small favors to your partner. Take your partner’s car to the car wash, do their laundry, get your partner coffee in bed, or fix their favorite bathroom mirror as a surprise. Not everyone loves ice cream as much as your partner likes small acts.
- Gifts: Gift-giving as a love language means small, random things. Surprise your partner by sending them coffee at work, arranging a surprise date night at their favorite restaurant, or planning a rock-climbing outing if they are into that.
- Words of Affirmation: Say your partner verbal reminders to make them feel loved. It’s words like, “You are the best thing that ever happened to me” or “I don’t know what I would do without you,” said on a random day. Something you can say without the relationship coach’s help.
- Quality Time: Quality time together cannot be overrated for true romance. Rekindle by doing something fun or super romantic – watching romantic movies, playing a favorite board game, cuddling, or ordering takeout. Quality time can even mean to simply fall asleep together.
Related reading: Getting Romantic Gifts to Her: No More Stress!
2. Create a Romantic Relationship Bucket List Together
Here’s a unique idea but one worth the time and effort. Sit down with your love and develop a bucket list of all the things that would make your relationship more romantic. Each of you contributes to this list of the most romantic things you want. Then, each of you can secretly pick those things your partner loves – or you can agree on those sweet things you will do for each other right now. You don’t need to wait for special occasions to do many of these. They may be small things you can put into practice in your daily routine.
There will be other things on the list that will need to be planned together. And this planning alone can be a most romantic thing on its own.
3. Plan a Retro Experience or Two
Where and when did you two first meet? If married, where did you go on your honeymoon? What could be more romantic than to plan a re-visit to these places and do what you did then?
If you want to figure out how to be romantic, here’s a perfect place to start. Relive all of the romance you felt back then.
4. Find Ways to Celebrate the Little Things
Has your partner gotten a raise? Have they finished a schooling semester with a great GPA or gotten an “A” in a really tough course? These little milestones can be an opportunity to make your partner feel special in a romantic way. Plan a special dinner out or send them a special gift.
Related reading: How to Know If You Are a Hopeless Romantic
5. Plan a Lazy Sunday Afternoon Together
Relationships can become routine and mundane. Romance takes a back seat to all of the other demands of your life.
Without letting your partner know, plan a romantic day. Begin with breakfast in bed, move on to a nice warm bath together to boost a romantic mood, and maybe return to bed for some Sunday morning delight. Spend the rest of the day cuddling on the couch with some wine and binge-watch your favorite Netflix series. Order delivery from your favorite restaurant, and end the day with an amazing dessert you purchased in advance.
6. Spice Things Up in the Bedroom
For many couples, sex has become a bit routine, even though it’s an important part of their relationship. Think about what you can do to enhance the romance in your bedroom:
- Watch some sexy movies
- Buy some new lingerie for yourself or your partner
- Purchase some toys
- Take a bath together
- Send a few sext messages throughout the day
- Give a good foot massage while you watch those sexy movies.
Come up with your own list of romantic foreplay activities. You may have to experiment a bit, but that’s part of the fun of it. You may both find amazing ways to get out of your comfort zone and discover activities that will boost your romantic side.
Related reading: Want Some Spice? Add a Sexual Surprise to Your Sex Life
7. Create an Old-School Photo Album
Everyone has a host of photos – most of them on their phones or computers. If married, there may also be photos from their wedding, at least on a CD. Surely, you have photos of events and other times you were together as you have dated through the years.
If you are looking for how to be romantic, how about printing out all of these pics and creating an old-school photo album? When you present that album to your partner, enclose a love letter expressing your joy in the history of your romance, and leave a bunch of blank pages for the continued romance to come.
8. Get Outside in a Romantic Way
Your relationship and romance do not always have to be indoors. In fact, there are a host of romantic things to do outdoors, even if neither of you is into rigorous activities. If a beach is not too far away, take a drive, have a picnic lunch or dinner, and take a romantic walk on the beach in the moonlight. Spread a blanket and do some star gazing. If you are alone, who knows what might happen? What a great way to spark your romance!
Related reading: The Great Outdoors – 27 Date Ideas in the Open Air
9. Be Consistent
Romantic relationships don’t thrive on random romance, although these big and small gestures that come throughout your life together will certainly boost romance. But being consistent is a huge part of a healthy relationship too.
Part of knowing how to be romantic all year long is letting your partner know that you want romance to be as regular as school, work, kids, etc.
Just what are these consistencies? That goodbye and hello kiss must become a habit. Regular date nights with just the two of you will provide time for both you and your partner to express your love for each other. This isn’t to say that you don’t socialize with others too, but every moment you can remind yourselves of your love is precious.
Make it a habit to:
- Create little nice sticky note surprises, be that a love note, random text or big letters
- Kiss your partner while they are involved in other things – studying, cooking, working on their laptop, or cleaning
- Wishing your partner good morning and good night in an intimate way.
10. Tune Up Your Listening Skills
This might not sound romantic in a relationship, but any relationship coach will tell you, that romance does not thrive without each partner engaging in open and honest communication. One-half of good communication is listening. And if you want to show your partner that you really value them, you will become a great listener. As that partner talks, you look at them, give them your full attention, and respond in ways that they know you heard what they were saying.
And later on, after the conversation is over, write your partner a love letter that also refers to what they had to say earlier. All in all, being a good listener is the number one advice any relationship coach will give you if you want to improve your love life.
Related reading: How to Open Up To People
11. Be Thoughtful
This relates to any of the five love languages covered above. You can honor the love language of your partner with lots of random and regular acts. At the same time, you can forget to be thoughtful in other ways. Your partner may have a primary love language of physical touch. For example, but that does not mean they won’t appreciate other thoughtful things you do – cooking their favorite meal; scraping off their car when it snows; folding and putting away their laundry; making sure they have their own space when they need it, and such. Every romantic relationship will be stronger if each partner is mindful of the needs of the other and meets them through thoughtful gestures. Don’t forget this.
Your Relationship Needs Romance
No matter how compatible you and your partner are; no matter how comfortable you are with each other; and no matter how “settled” you both feel in your relationship, something important is missing. And that something is more romance. When you learn how to be romantic and put what you learn into action, both of you will experience the happiness that you had when your relationship was new and exciting. Get that back.
