Is She the One? How Will You Know?

Dating 101
29 Apr 2023
13 min read

When you start dating a woman, you begin to think about how much of a connection you two might build. Of course, physical attraction is the first connection you make. Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t be dating. But a meaningful relationship is ultimately built on far more than that. You need more than that physical attraction to know is she the one.

As things move forward and you spend time together in different environments, you begin to learn more about this girlfriend and see where you find common ground (or not):

  • Are your core values the same?
  • Do you share common interests?
  • Do you see her as a friend as well as a lover?
  • Does it seem like a healthy relationship with a good balance between togetherness and independence?
  • Do you both tend to overlook the little annoying things about each other (e.g., teeth grinding, nose hair, forgetting to put the cap back on the toothpaste)?

This list could go on and on, so let’s just unpack a list with descriptions that are signs she’s the “one” for you. They may not all fit your situation and not take into account other factors important factors for you, but they are a good start.

Related reading: Think You Found the One? Don’t Miss These Stages of Falling in Love!

19 Signs She’s the One for You

The following sections can serve as a bit of a checklist as you are evaluating a dating relationship you are in. These signs are based on a recent research study of relationship dynamics, work of pros in counseling psychology, and observations and conclusions of writers and bloggers. Altogether, they give a composite picture of a good partner – a woman who might just be “the one.”

1. Conversation Is Easy

You are having some challenges at work. They are causing you to stress. You need someone to talk to outside of work if only just to vent. And if she’s the one you’ll contact first in this situation.

You aren’t worried or anxious about opening up to her. In fact, you feel comfortable talking about almost anything with her. She listens, is not judgmental, and might even offer some advice. And she is open to telling you about her thoughts, her feelings, and her challenges. And of course, you will listen attentively too.

This is a huge deal. If you can tell her what’s really on your mind and she can do the same, you are on the way to being a best friend to each other.

It feels that she's the only girl in the world

2. You Cut Off All Other Squeezes

You may give a passing glance to a random attractive girl you see, but you have no desire to act upon that. This is a pretty good sign she’s winning her way into your heart in the initial stages and that you think she’s the right person for you.

This person has made such an impression that you don’t want to waste time dating others. You may not know she’s the one at this point, but there’s a good chance she may be, so you don’t want to jeopardize that by seeing other women.

3. She Inspires You to Be and Do Better

Another huge sign: this person inspires you to strive for your goals. In fact, she is your biggest cheerleader.

If you are considering changing jobs, she will listen and support your decision. If you want to go back to school for an additional degree, she will support you, even to the point of helping you with your studies. You find yourself focused on self-improvement because you want to be more respected by her.

4. She’s the First Person You Tell of Any News

When things happen in your life, you want to share them with her even before family members or closest friends. Why? Because if the news is good, she will genuinely celebrate that with you. And if the news is bad, she is the one who will show empathy and help you work through it.

If she's the one, honesty is the foundation of your relationship

5. You and She Are Honest with Each Other

Honesty builds trust. And long-term compatibility between partners depends on it.

The important point here is that honesty is not just the absence of deception, but also the ability to open up about what is meaningful and important to her – her values, her world view, her spiritual beliefs, etc.

And if she encourages you to do the same, this type of honesty is one of the most important things in a healthy relationship and ultimately marriage.

6. You Can Argue and Disagree But It’s Not Lasting

Many couples are constantly bickering – not a good thing. But all couples have differences of opinion and disagreements. It is how they are handled that makes the difference.

Arguments do not last long, because both of you are ready to work through it and compromise to find a resolution. And in the end, you don’t hold grudges or engage in long periods of silence to “cement” your anger, because those arguments take a back seat to your love for each other.

7. Your Sex Life is Based on Mutual Needs and Preferences

A lasting relationship cannot be based only on sexual desires, for sure. But sexual attraction and activity are certainly important. When communication is solid, it translates to the bedroom. You and your girlfriend easily tell each other what you’d like to happen and you also respect each other’s sexual preferences (and that includes when one of you isn’t “feeling” it right now). And you are willing to sacrifice your own needs for hers, and she for yours.

Related reading: How to Be a Better Lover – Inside and Out

8. You Want Her Around Your Friends and Family

If you are proud of everything about her and want your friends and family to get to know her too, it’s a sure sign you’re serious about this one. Especially if you take her to office gatherings, weddings, dinners, barbeques and such so she can meet your co-workers, family members, and best friends.

9. Your Pronoun Changes from “I” to “We”

This is actually one of the big signs. At a deeper level, you are now thinking of her as a partner, not just someone you are dating. And it kinda signifies that you are thinking of a future with this girl. And you see her as a permanent part of this future. Your perspective on most things now includes this woman.

Related reading: A Guide to Growing an Exclusive Relationship
A Guide on How to Be a Better Boyfriend
Dating vs Relationship – What Are the Main Differences Between Them?

10. You Put in the Effort to Make Her Smile and Laugh

One thing that makes you happy? To see her happy. This is when you know you have gotten out of the “what I want” mode that is often the case when you begin dating a woman, and into the “what do you want” mode. Happiness is no longer just fulfilling your needs and wants.

11. You Want to Do the Mundane Things With Her

It’s Saturday, and she has a whole list of errands to run – take her dog to the groomer, drop off her dry cleaning, go grocery shopping, wash her car, etc. You’re happy to go along because it gives you a chance just to be with her. Single girls dating don’t expect this from a man, but you want to show her that you are in this relationship for more than just dating.

12. You Want to Explore Her Interests and Hobbies

You may not be interested in the same things. She volunteers at an animal shelter, loves flea markets, and enjoys fishing. You have never even held a fishing pole, much less baited a hook, but you are ready to explore all of these things with her. Why? Because they are a part of her world, and you want to be a part of it too. This doesn’t mean that you will be attached at the hip in everything you do. Most couples tend to have separate interests that they pursue individually, but you do want to at least get to know this girl in all facets of her life.

The opposite is also true. You want her to see how you spend your “downtime” too, so she can know you better.

You feel happiness being next to her

13. Life is Better and Happier When She’s Around

This is one of the key signs when you ask, “is she the one?” When you’re with her, life is good, you feel happy and content, and you are seeing that this relationship is actually going where you want it to go. There’s a comfort level you haven’t felt with other women you have dated.

Things in life that matter to you are enhanced by her presence. And she accepts you with all of your quirks and flaws – her focus is not on what’s wrong, but what is just right and good about you.

15. You are Thinking and Talking in the Long-Term

You’re no longer just planning your next date. You’re talking about next Christmas or a trip to take next summer, and you have no doubts that you want her to share all of these things with you. She is no longer just a girlfriend – you are seeing this woman as a partner.

16. The “M” Word Has Entered Your Head

“M” meaning marriage. You may not have approached the subject yet, but it is absolutely crossing your mind a bit. This of course means that you see spending the rest of your life with her as something beautiful.

You may not be ready to get down on one knee, pop that question, and hope for the right answer yet. But you have never felt this way about a member of the opposite sex before, and chances are you are headed in that “forever” direction. the thought of this woman not being around makes you feel bad.

If she's the one, you want her to see your best side

17. You Try to Look Good in Her Presence

You go get that haircut as soon as you need one; you keep your fingernails clean and neat; you don’t wear that old T-shirt that has a stain on it. In short, you want to look good and for this woman to be pleased to be seen with you. (Of course, this doesn’t include times when you are doing yard work or going fishing together, etc.).

18. You Consider Her Feelings Before You Leap

Maybe you have been offered a new job and it involves a lot of travel. This could impact your relationship. Or you want to join a basketball team that practices on your typical “date night.” Before you leap into these decisions, you recognize that there is another person to consider, so you run these things by your girlfriend to be sure she is okay with them. And she does the same.

Two people who are in a solid relationship will always consider the feelings of their partner when changes come.

19. You Have Your Own Love Language

If you have seen the movie, “Ghost,” there was a word that Molly and Sam used in response to one of them saying “I love you.” That word was “Ditto.” This is a simple description of such a language, but it can go further than that. When each partner is in sync with the other’s thoughts, they will often finish each other’s sentences or say the same thing in response to something.

You Have the List…

So, how many of these things are you seeing in your relationship?. Because in addition to the signs we’ve listed, you may ask yourself about your feelings next to her:

  • Are you a better person because of her?
  • Are you happier since you’ve met her?
  • Are you proud to have her as a partner?
  • Is your relationship built on far more than just sex?
  • Do you feel the excitement just knowing that you’ll soon be seeing her in any situation?
  • Can you see yourself in a happy marriage with her?
  • Would taking a break from the relationship devastate you?

Answers to these questions may give you the answer you’re striving for. Remember, the truth is already of you.

When the Answer to the Question, “Is She the One?” Is “No”

There are also signs that she is not the one for you. So, pay attention to those too, because they may be the best way to think about moving on.

She Doesn’t Encourage You to Follow Your Dreams

When you talk about your goals, she listens and nods her head but doesn’t really give you positive feedback and encouragement – one of the signs she doesn’t really “get you.”

You Have a Tough Time Communicating

Maybe she doesn’t understand what you are trying to say and doesn’t ask for clarification – she just lets it slide. And maybe you do the same thing. If she is the right one, both of you will want the details until you understand.

Related reading: Right Person Wrong Time – It is Really All About Timing

Too Often, It’s Just About Sex

If sex were not in the picture, would you still feel attracted to her? And she to you? If you can’t find other things that make the relationship important, she’s not the one.

The Small Annoyances Are Not Overlooked

You do things that annoy her, and she calls you out on them. You find you can’t ignore the small things she does that annoy you. This relationship will probably not last, and marriage is not in the picture.

Family and Friends Don’t “See It”

Here’s a sign that can be big. In a relationship, we tend to ignore some red flags that people who are more objective do see. If you have close people telling you that you are not a good match, ask why and listen to them.

You Don’t Share the Same Values

This is huge. Suppose you are at opposite ends in your political or spiritual beliefs. These are a part of the core beliefs that make each of you who you really are. If this is the case, you are better off moving on now. It won’t last.

The Little Things Don’t Matter

Do you remember her favorite candy or color? Does she remember yours? Yes, these are just details, but if they are not important to either of you, then you probably don’t have a lasting future.

You Think About What Life Would Be Without Her

If you find yourself thinking about how you would feel if she wasn’t in your life and what you would be doing instead, and you are not feeling real pain at the thought of that, she is not the one. Strong relationships that have staying power do not put these kinds of thoughts into your head. You might begin to realize that there are things you want to do but are not because of her.

In the End: A Few Signs More

Finding out if she’s right or wrong for you is a process in any relationship. It may take weeks, months, or even a year or two. The important thing is that you stay mindful of the key signs that indicate she’s the right one (or not).

Relationships are complicated for sure. There are highs and lows; there are disagreements; there are issues for which solutions must be found; there is sex; there is the need for long and meaningful conversations amidst the dating and the fun. There is never any one good sign that couples have to know whether their relationships are great or lacking and no important milestones to go by.

Hopefully, you have found this article helpful in your search to know if she’s right or wrong for you. As stated, relationships are complicated, and they take time and investment if you want to find the one.

Relationships Author
Geoffrey Williams
After taking a required Intro to Psychology course as an undergrad, I have never looked back. Since my doctoral program, I have specialized in adult relationship therapy. Through my studies and clinicals, I wrote several articles for professional journals and currently in the midst of writing a book.

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