What Are You Looking for in a Relationship?

Relationships A-Z
16 Jul 2023
13 min read
What Are You Looking For in a Relationship? An Ultimate Answer

What are you looking for in a relationship? Many dodge this question as it seems too picky for them; others just avoid the topic. But once you get your answer, it will save you a lot of stress and time when you discuss your future with a partner. So, let’s find it out together!

Unfortunately, it is common for people to blindly search for a life partner. That’s the reason why many enter multiple relationships based on nothing more than physical attraction. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that – you may still develop a good emotional bond later. However, it is very rare – and your chances would be much higher if you have more criteria in mind than just physical attraction.

Let’s answer the question, “What are you looking for in a relationship?” and use the information to take you from the wrong person to a serious relationship filled with more than just physical affection.

Related reading: Right Person Wrong Time – It is Really All About Timing

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4 Techniques to Figure Out What You Want in a Partner

When asking the question, “What are you looking for in a relationship?”, you essentially want to determine the exact qualities of a partner. After all, a successful relationship relies on more than just physical attraction, especially if you wish to have a long-term relationship with that potential partner.

People possess different romantic and emotional needs, so when you look for a partner, you may feel tempted to compare yourself to others that are in seemingly healthy relationships. But that does not answer the question of what will work in a long-term perspective for you.

Knowing what you want or figuring out what you want when it comes to the people you decide to enter romantic relationships with takes a level of emotional maturity that many people seem to lack. Here are some ways that you can use to reflect on yourself and help you find what you want in a real-life romantic partner.

1. Focus on Yourself First and Be Clear About Who You Are

Mostly, we have a hard time figuring out what we want because we have little understanding of ourselves or our core values. Thus, spending time with yourself is a solid foundation to figure out what you want in a relationship.

Here are the insights to gather:

  • Focus on getting under your own skin and learn all that you can about yourself
  • Figure out your own emotions, and learn or relearn your likes and dislikes
  • Take the time to live your own life
  • Take a look at yourself through the eyes of someone else and see what you see about yourself

Use what you learn about yourself to figure out what qualities you would like in your ideal partner. You may find that you want someone just like you – or the complete opposite of you.

Related reading: 17 Weird Soulmate Signs – Is It Meant to Be?

Search for yourself before you log in to a dating app. What do you see? Does this seem like you, or does it seem like the person you think others want you to be? Would a person looking at this profile that you made want to build a strong emotional connection with the person you actually are? Make yourself the priority, meaning your true self.

By spending time and getting to know yourself and the real-life you. You can have an honest answer to almost any question in regard to what you are looking for.

2. Look at Your Past Relationships

Why did our previous relationships fail is not such a harmless question, but it needs an honest answer. If they failed because of a common issue, it’s time to acknowledge your part in this problem.

That common issue can be different from person to person. Maybe bouts of casual dating have led you to a surface-level loving relationship. Or you thought you want an adventurous partner when what you really needed was a supportive partner in a committed relationship. Whatever happened, you should understand that each potential relationship has a chance of failing if you’re not working on that hard enough.

Related reading: A Guide to Growing an Exclusive Relationship

Look at what went wrong in your past relationships:

  • Did you lack emotional maturity when dealing with certain issues?
  • Did you only go into the relationship based on physical attraction?
  • Was the potential partner your best friend as a friend but your worst enemy as a romantic partner?
  • Was it as simple as a twin flame being confused for a soul mate?

By taking a minute to look at what went wrong in your previous relationships, you get an idea of what your dream partner may be like. Remember that it is ok to let your own emotions take the lead at times. However, it is important to use past experiences to make sure that you find the best potential partner for you.

List the qualities you need for serious relationship

3. List the Qualities You Admire

This step takes a lot of emotional maturity, but it is completely worth doing. Take a moment to think of all the people you love. Everyone who shares the same values as you – your best friend, family members, even the people you had been in a relationship with before. After all, you got with them for a reason.

Make a list of each of their individual qualities that you admire. How do their core values line up with yours? Do you enjoy spending time together, are you interested in the same things? By making a list of the qualities and values you admire most, you make a list that will help you to find your best potential partners no matter what.

4. Make Your Interests Known Sooner, Not Later

This is actually a case of mutual respect. As you and that potential partner spend time together, you shouldn’t feel the need to hide certain aspects of yourself from them.

No matter what, if you want to be in a healthy relationship with the right person, you cannot be hiding crucial details about who you are. To be in a great relationship, you need a partner who is on the same page as you, even if the things you enjoy might be considered to be boring or even embarrassing to some.

You don’t have to be in a relationship with someone who feels the same way as you when it comes to most things. However, a perfect relationship or a close-to-perfect one relies on a mutual understanding within that romantic relationship.

8 Positive Traits to Look for in a Partner

If you’re seeking for strong emotional connection, put sexual compatibility on the back burner. When you meet a best friend for years, you know that there is something more that unites. Why not apply the same approach to a person you date online? Use emotionally mature methods to get yourself into an ideal relationship and search for traits or qualities that will make you fall in love.

Let’s take a look at 8 wonderful traits to consider when you are looking for a perfect partner in a new relationship.

1. Kindness

Many people say that one of the attributes that they need in a partner is kindness. And there is no surprise: it’s just pleasant to be around a person with a warm heart. Search for signs of kindness in all the tiny details: whether it is shown through aspects of charity or given in acts that show their mutual support of others. When you see it, you get it.

2. Support and Understanding

If you don’t want to feel superior in a relationship, enter the dating life with the idea to find an equal partner as your perfect person. An ability to support and understand you when you’re not at your best is crucial. Look for someone who can support you when times get tough and is capable of understanding what you are going through.

Self-awareness is key in healthy romantic relationships

3. Self-Awareness

Being reflective is an attribute that a partner should definitely possess. Sometimes, we do something wrong and need to go through periods of self-improvement. If that’s your case, you need a person capable of being with you in this and guiding you.

A partner who knows that admitting when they did something bad does not make them a bad person is a good attribute for everyone to have. You may even have times when you need to get under your own skin and admit when you were wrong. That’s what emotional maturity is all about.

Related reading: Male Maturity – When Does It Kick In?

4. The Ability to Disagree Constructively

Seek an emotionally mature person who is able to disagree in a constructive manner. They should be able to reflect on their own thoughts, as well as listen to yours in order to figure out how to solve disagreements. If you cannot agree, a person who can disagree constructively will not make you feel bad or unintelligent when it comes to it. And that’s an awesome feeling everyone deserves to feel.

A person you can have a civil argument with and reach a mutual sense of understanding towards is genuinely a good person to be around.

5. A Good Listener

Whether you meet on a dating app or through a couple of friends, healthy relationships rely on a few major qualities – and being good at listening is one of them.

In fact, if you were to ask almost any relationship coach, they would likely say that one of the biggest issues they see in relationships is a lack of communication and listening skills. Having a relationship with someone who can communicate openly, and step into your comfort zone with you is probably one of the most necessary attributes of a good relationship

6. Family-orientedness

You do not need to be in a relationship with a partner who wants to have kids, especially if you don’t. However, a family-oriented partner is not just exclusive to the attribute of wanting to be a parent – this quality refers to the general ability to care about someone else.

People who are family oriented tend to treat family members with more respect. They are also able to show more kindness towards children and animals. That’s why many people say that this is a needed attribute as it tends to put them with a partner they feel safer with.

Related reading: Does Your Man Have Mommy Issues?

7. Good Sense of Humor

Everyone has a different sense of humor, so what you may consider to be good is likely to be subjective. However, many people say that when they look for one, they need a partner that makes them and genuinely laughs with them.

8. Strong Work Ethic

Whether you start your relationship through dating sites or you meet in the workplace, a person with a strong work ethic will always be an attractive quality for people to have. That’s just a great quality that reflects a good personality in the partner, including an ability to take responsibility and treat you with respect.

How to get what are you looking for

2 Common Mistakes You Do When Looking for a Relationship

Now you know the answer to what are you looking for in a relationship, but what to do with that? How not to fall again into taking just physical attraction and mutual respect for a successful relationship? How not to carry emotional baggage into those reasons (or lack of any reasons) while seeking a relationship on a dating website or scrolling through the app for weeks?

As you look for a serious relationship and go on many dates, there are a couple of mistakes that you may end up making. Let’s take a look at them and learn how we can avoid mistaking that romantic partner for the wrong person.

1. Looking for the One Who Will Fit Your ‘Ideal Partner’ Checklist

The perfect package never comes around when you look for a partner. Some of the people you date may have almost everything, and some may only have a couple of those qualities.

Give them a chance anyways. After all, many relationships have people who are missing things from that list of perfect attributes for each other – but they work out great with time.

If you don’t have a strong reason to say ‘No’, keep dating them.

Focus on the qualities they possess and don’t worry about what they don’t. If you obsess over some specific attributes, you may find that not even a relationship coach or a professional matchmaker can help you find your ideal partner.

2. Understanding the Word ‘Relationship’ Differently

Before asking a potential partner, “What are you looking for in a relationship?” check why they need a relationship initially. The answer will tell you a lot. Some people feel lonely in their own personal space and want to share it with others. Others want to just experience what having a relationship is like. You may hear some hidden emotional problems in their reply too.

There are many ways that a person can seek out that perfect romantic relationship with someone. However, the end goal is almost always the same. They want to find someone they can form a love-filled connection with. If your date doesn’t acknowledge that, it’s better for you to know it as soon as possible.

Related reading: How Many Dates Do You Need to Start a Relationship for Real?

What If My Relationship Goals Change Over Time?

It is ok to grow and change, as our emotional and physical needs constantly change. Therefore, it is natural that over time what will look for in a relationship will change over time as well.

When you first enter a relationship, you may have likely only focused on the simpler attributes. Are they smart? Are they kind? Do you like them? You might feel great about their answers then, but you may have changed as time passes.

It happens if you suddenly realize that you require attributes in a partner that your current one does not have. Let yourself be who you want to be and find the person you want. Actually, they may also feel the same way about you as well – and thank you in the end.

It's OK to change your relationship goals
It's OK to change your relationship goals

On Hily, you can change your ‘Looking for’ status anytime. Date with the people you want and look in the same direction only!

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How Will I Know If I Find What I Am Looking for in a Partner or Romantic Relationship?

After reading, things can remain complicated – you may find the person that fits what you’re looking for but still have doubts. For example, you may find that the list of qualities you want in a partner mismatch with your ideal partner’s image. It is also hard to place what you want in a relationship on a value system scale. Especially when the needs of so many are completely varied from person to person.

But remember: healthy relationships rely on many different attributes such as common interests, a feeling of respect and support for each other, and course, the qualities that both people wish to showcase in their relationships.

For some, the perfect relationship is not what they thought. In fact, there are times when good enough is actually better than what they thought was ideal. We hope that this guide gives you a stronger sense of emotional maturity and that you are successful in using these tips to find a successful, long-term relationship with the perfect person for you to be spending time with.

Love&Sex Expert
Cherie Hamilton
I’ve always been inspired by women who are outgoing, very sure of themselves, and not afraid to be who they were, including their sex lives. Under their tutelage, I gradually shed my old self, hung out and socialized with them, and, over time, became the empowered, self-confident, and sexual woman I am today. Happy to share my insights with other women today!
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