Afraid you’ve spotted one of the signs he’s losing interest? Something about the initial chemistry and glow worn off, less free time together, and no more PDA in public… You know that less passion and more trust are indicators of a deepening relationship, but where is the line when it changes to coldness and indifference? Aren’t you too dramatic or is your guy really losing interest in you? Doubt no more – here are some pretty clear signs he’s losing interest.
16 Telltale Signs He’s Losing Interest
While we may not cover everything, we hit on many of the most common clear signals of a man losing interest in you. Check them out for detailed explanations!
1. Physical Intimacy Changes
Pay attention to your current sex life. Have you noticed any big changes? Is there great foreplay, great sex, and lots of cuddling and romantic gestures in the afterglow? If yes, everything’s fine. If not and you have the same amount of sex as always, but if there is little-to-no foreplay and none of the afterglow closeness you used to have, it can turn your man into a guy losing interest.
At the other end of the spectrum is just a serious reduction in sex itself. He is “too tired;” he “isn’t feeling well;” he has a big day tomorrow and “must get more sleep,” etc. These were never excuses you heard before, even when he was genuinely busy. This should be a red flag for you.
2. Lack of Attention
You’ve got a new hairstyle and dress for an event you will be attending together. Or you did this to impress him when he comes home, along with a great meal. But he doesn’t even notice the changes, much less comment on them.
You may take the initiative and point out the changes to him, but you’ll get in response something like, “Oh yeah. That’s nice.” This is the problem if it never happened in the past and if now he seems to have a complete lack of interest in how you look or what you do.
Suppose you have made some type of non-physical change. You may have explored going back to school and have found a program you plan to enroll in. You tell him all about it with enthusiasm. It’s a big problem if his response is minimal – “That’s nice,” while he returns to his phone. This is a sign he has lost interest in you and, yes, you should be concerned.
3. No Motivation to Impress You
Early in a relationship, he filled you in on everything going on at work or school and wanted to share his accomplishments and achievements in detail. Beyond that, he took some care with his physical appearance, even looking pretty fine in his weekend grubs.
Now, he isn’t well-groomed anymore and shares very little, if at all. You may ask him how his day was, and he simply responds with no details, “Fine.” Could he be sharing those details with other friends or someone else special? If so, that’s alarming.
4. He’s Closed
Think back to when your relationship was really on track. You couldn’t wait to get together or just talk on the phone about your days. You had so much to ask him, and he had so much to ask you. Now, there are no questions anymore – or when you’re asking, he’s not answering.
He’s no longer interested in how your day is, what you think about things, where you might want to go for a weekend getaway, and how your friends and family members are. He just seems to have no interest in your life at all anymore.
When he loses interest in most parts of your life, it’s a sad truth that he is losing interest in you. And if you try to have an honest conversation about it, he avoids you.
This is clearly not a healthy relationship anymore. You can choose to work on it with a certified relationship coach, but chances are he may not agree to that. You should get that coaching anyway – you need to understand your feelings about all of this and whether you need to get out and move on. After all, you deserve a committed relationship with someone who values you.
Related reading: Setting Relationship Rules For a Healthy Partnership
5. Avoiding Your Friends and Family
These are pretty major signs that he is losing interest:
- He used to enjoy spending time with these people, but now he is backing off
- He makes up excuses as to why he can’t attend your family’s functions or nights out with your friends
- All of a sudden, he has urgent meetings
- He may even make critical comments about the people who are important to you
You know in your gut that these excuses are lame and that he is just pulling away from important parts of your personal life – a clear sign he is losing interest in you.
6. You Always Argue and Fight
We all have annoying habits and small things that we do that can be a bit irritating to a partner. In a happy and healthy relationship, these are usually overlooked, or they become the objects of joking with each other. Now, he is finding these things more than a little irritating and is calling you out on them pretty often. He will pick fights with you over trivial things.
This is a pretty good sign that he is not just losing interest in you but wants you to be the “bad guy” and break it off with him. While he doesn’t come out and say it, he picks fights often, hoping you will leave the relationship and he’ll be free of you.
7. His Body Language Has Changed
Remember when there was lots of handholding and arms around each other or dancing close to one of your favorite songs? He doesn’t even look at you in the same way. All of that is now gone.
This is one of those more subtle, still key signs that he no longer values you. These are other signs that he is shutting you out and is not interested in what you have to say:
- When you try to talk things out, he doesn’t face you
- He sits with his arms crossed
- He avoids eye contact
- He avoids physical contact with you when you are out together.
All these are obvious signs that he is pulling away from you.
Related reading: Is He a Body Language Guy? How to Read The Subtle Signs
8. Frequent Excuses
There was a time when he would rearrange his schedule to spend more time with you. Now, he is not only rearranging things, but he also makes excuses far too often.
His excuses are becoming less and less believable – it’s not just those critical meetings or tight deadlines anymore:
- He doesn’t feel well
- An old friend has come into town
- He has a buddy that needs help
Everything seems to take precedence over being with you. When people lose interest in their partners, this is a common thing.
9. You Are No Longer a Priority
This comes along with those excuses. Even trivial things become more important than being with you:
- He cancels plans because he has to clean his place
- He makes plans with his friends and family without including you
- He makes no effort to check in with you just to see how you are doing
You don’t really need to ask yourself what is going on here. You can clearly feel the lack of interest. And this may be affecting your self-esteem. You begin to feel less valuable in general, and that’s a really bad place to be in. You deserve better than this.
10. He Flirts With Others and Doesn’t Hide It
When you are out together, he has no qualms about moving about the space and openly flirting with other women. He never would have done this in the earlier days of your relationship. And maybe he is openly flirting with women online and doesn’t try to hide his behavior.
Be honest with yourself. This is disrespectful, and it impacts your sense of self-worth. And if you point out how you feel about it, he becomes defensive and simply acts annoyed. You need to be aware that he may be looking to change things up in his love life.
11. Communication Becomes Perfunctory and Far Less Regular
You find yourself calling him far more often than he is calling you. And when you do call, he will be “too busy to talk right now.” If he calls you, those calls are short and to the point, not the lingering sorts of calls you used to have with each other. And the same goes for texting.
In fact, when you do call, you often get his voicemail, and he doesn’t respond to your texts, sometimes for hours.
These are not good signs if they have become the everyday norm. Balance that against the fact that some of this is normal as couples settle into a relationship, and it may not mean that he has lost interest. He may just be taking things for granted. If so, try spicing things up a bit and see what his reactions are.
12. Coldness and Rudeness
If he’s become cold and even rude, along with his lack of desire to spend time with you, he is obviously pushing you away. How to understand if his coldness and rudeness have become too much? He does not engage you in any significant conversation anymore, and he may even make rude comments to you, sometimes in the presence of others.
All of these things combined should tell you he probably wants you to do the “dirty work” of ending things, so he doesn’t have to.
Related reading: Male Maturity – When Does It Kick In?
13. No Making Plans With You
He does make plans with his buddies, other friends and relatives – but when it comes to the two of you, it is you making the plans all of the time. And if you do try to make plans, he is vague about his availability or procrastinates about giving you an answer. Worse, he agrees and then cancels. Clearly, this man has lost interest.
14. No Talks About the Future
He may have lots of future plans and goals, but he is no longer discussing them with you. If you notice signs that he is avoiding such talk when you bring it up, it’s a pretty good sign that he is losing interest in you being a part of his future.
When men suddenly lose interest in talking about your future together, you have to wonder. Who do they discuss future plans with?
15. Your Goals and Dreams Are Unsupported
He really doesn’t listen anymore when you talk about your personal or career goals. It’s like he has just “checked out” on you. You remain interested in his goals and dreams, but he no longer talks with you about them.
He doesn’t celebrate your achievements, and you know from your own personal experience in the past that this just isn’t right. Maybe he’s no longer the right guy for you.
Here’s a quick tip: When you reach this point in your relationship, and you are making all the effort to keep it alive with only indifference from him, insist on counseling. If he refuses, you know he is not interested in fixing things between the two of you. You are wasting your effort here.
What you have is a stagnant relationship, and there is probably no sense in putting any more effort into it. You don’t have a romantic partner. You have a distant friend, at best.
16. He Is No Longer Romantic
At the bare minimum, he should be telling you that he loves you and that you are special in his life. But he’s not willing to go the extra mile to make you feel loved – no more surprise phone calls, little “I love you” gifts, and sweet talk when you are alone together.
This is not one of those “could be a sign” he is no longer interested. This is one of those “it’s definitely a sign” moments. No matter what you do to make the guy feel loved, he is not responding the way he used to. In short, he is putting you on his “back burner” and only doing the minimum necessary while he pursues who knows what else.
All of This Should Be Hitting Your Gut About Now: 4 Tips for You
If you have read through these signs that he isn’t interested in you any longer, and several of them “hit home,” you have some soul searching and some work to do. You need to spend time figuring out what if anything you want or need to do about the situation.
If you have the gut feeling that things are bad, you are probably right. So here are some basic tips about your options and dos and don’ts.
1. Don’t Dig in and Chase Him
You are feeling some serious pain here. But this is not the time to let him know that your happiness depends on him and that you just can’t go on without him.
Get a grip. You were a strong independent woman before you met him, and you can be that again. Stop trying to fix this. If he is still interested after you back off, he’ll come around. If not, you are better off without him.
2. Re-Create Your Life Without Him
You have friends, relatives, colleagues at work, or friends at school. Get back into those circles, make plans, and just don’t be available to him anymore.
He’ll either come “crawling back” or not. If he doesn’t, your gut feeling was right to begin with.
Related reading: How To Maintain Your Individuality While In a Relationship
3. Embrace Your Feelings
You are hurting, to be sure. It’s okay. Have some good cries; vent your frustrations and even your anger to others you trust.
You don’t recover from a broken relationship by keeping everything bottled in. Take steps to recover successfully.
4. Focus on You
Your identity is not connected to a relationship, especially a relationship that is going or has “gone south.”
Take an honest look at who you really are and what you were before you met him. Return to that life. Focus on your goals and aspirations and the many other positive relationships you have in your life.
Ready, Set, Go
Now you know whether your current love is losing interest in you or not. You are probably getting the notion that he is if the above signals hit home. It’s time for you to be honest with yourself, look at your options, and choose the best course of action for yourself.
