Reconnect after a relationship break is not rare: 44% of US adults decide to get back together with an ex. But then, learning how to reconnect after a relationship break is no simple matter. Regardless of the reasons for your breakup, things can still be rather awkward when you decide to get back together.
Moving forward is important during this stage of your relationship. If you are determined to create a future with them, here are some ways for you to connect a second time.
1. Acknowledge Your Past Mistakes
You’ve decided not to dwell on the past anymore. That being said, for bygones to truly be bygones, you can’t just forget what happened in the past. Don’t throw toxic things in actions and communication. If you do, nothing will stop you from sinking back into old habits.
For you to stay connected with your partner, you need to rebuild trust. This cannot be done if you are stubbornly claiming you did nothing wrong. Own up to your mistakes and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
You gotta build relationships with ppl who have enough self awareness to hold themselves accountable and acknowledge everything they did wrong when speaking on why past relationships didn’t work. It’s never one sided. If you can’t see your own mistakes you definitely can’t see me
— Des Adé (@destinyade_) May 11, 2022
2. Spend Quality Time Together
Perhaps one of the best ways to get over a relationship break is to spend some quality time together. This way, you will tell the person you love that you do want to get back together.
Here are a few ideas for the two of you to have some nice moments together:
- Run your errands together (i.e., shopping)
- Watch a movie
- Go on a vacation (or even a staycation)
- Enjoy dinner together
- Take a long walk together
Make sure that you give your partner your full attention during these moments. This means no phones, no work checkups, and definitely no scrolling on social media.
3. Seek Guidance from a Professional
Many couples are afraid to see a dating coach. They feel it’s wrong to air their “dirty laundry” in front of others. Still, sometimes, this may be the only thing you need to get a fresh start.
“It makes sense that they would be worried about entering an unfamiliar space with a stranger to confront difficult issues that require taking huge emotional risks. Most people would be afraid of doing this. It’s human for us to have these fears.”
Traci Maynigo, family therapist
That being said, staying connected with your partner is also a human feeling. Couples therapy can help you achieve that.
4. Find Your Middle Ground
If you want to give your relationship another shot, you need to find a middle ground. Talk about the things that you want from life or what you expect your ex to do once you get back together.
Depending on your personality, it may be impossible to start a relationship again without compromise. Each person is different, but you need to find the values that you both share. This will give you something to hold onto.
5. Understand Your Partner’s Perspective
If your relationship ended due to a disagreement or fight, you need to understand their perspective as well. Maybe things are not as black and white as you thought.
For example, you may have broken up with your ex because you found out they had a “moment” with someone else. While cheating is not condoned, ask yourself if maybe you had any part in this. Perhaps you were no longer as loving to them, or you had no respect for their boundaries. Maybe you focused too much on your career and barely bothered to see them.
A new relationship will work only when there is proper communication between the two of you. You may not like what they have to say, but the least you can do is listen.
6. Discuss the Things You Realized After the Relationship Break
As in a famous saying, you never realize what’s in front of you until it’s gone. Sometimes, you understand more things about your relationship and feelings when you are forced apart. Make sure that you disclose your revelation when you decide to get back together.
“While breakups can be very painful, they can also be a learning experience to move forward and discuss what you’ve learned and consider what you can change going forward.”
Heather Browne, licensed marriage counselor and family therapist
7. Make Sure You Are Both on the Same Page
Before you even think of getting back together with your ex, you must make sure that you share the same beliefs. Usually, a break-up happens because one partner fell out of love. Many unaddressed issues can also cause the passion to die out.
If you want to build a future with them, you need to be certain that both of you want the same thing in life. If not, then you will likely date each other for a while before you break up again.
8. Take Responsibility for What Happened After the Breakup
No matter if you were on a break for one week, a month, or a year, you have to be honest about the things that went down during your break. If you want to start fresh and make your relationship stronger, there should be no secrets between the two of you.
For example, you may have formed a romantic connection with someone else after your breakup. Don’t be stubborn like Ross from Friends about it. You don’t have to be right all the time. Stay focused on what you’re trying to fix, not on having the upper hand.
Sure, you are getting a new beginning. That being said, your partner may not feel hurt by what happened in between. The best route here would be to keep honest about what happened, take responsibility, and stay away from that part of your “break.”
We were on a break!
Meaning: a ‘break’ is when two people in a relationship are separated for a period of time.
Share your favourite Friends #quote with us!#thelanguagegalleryuk #tlg #Friends #friendsseries#englishlanguage #learnenglish #learningenglish#englishisfun pic.twitter.com/RRof7XItIL
— The Language Gallery UK (@TheLanguageGall) February 10, 2022
9. Talk About Your Relationship Problems
Once more, communication is very important in a relationship. This is why you need to talk with your partner and ask them open-ended questions about your relationship.
Figure out the point where everything went wrong. Was the breakup caused by excessive involvement from your family? What can you do to prevent further breaks from your relationship?
The more open you are with your partner, the better your chances will be to rekindle the passion.
10. Say You’re Sorry
We do many things to recover the romance after a breakup. We go on a fun date with our partner, we give each other as much space as necessary, and we try to forget the hurt that we went through.
What many of us forget is that a heartfelt apology can go a long way in repairing a relationship. You may think that your partner knows or understands already. However, unless you put it into words, it may create doubt in the heart of your partner.
Two words: I’m sorry. Even if you played a minimal part in your breakup, saying that you’re sorry will still help you move forward with your relationship.
11. Forgive Your Partner
Saying you’re sorry is one thing. However, it’s completely another one to forgive your ex for the things that they did. And if you want to start a family with that person, you can’t expect anything to work unless you truly forgive your ex.
Why you decided on a breakup in the first place doesn’t really matter. Both of you want to give this another try, so you need to be willing to put the past behind you.
Forgiving your partner after a breakup is not always easy, and you will probably need some space to heal. But you must find a way to understand and forgive them. It’s the only way your relationship will ever have a future.
12. Make a Grand Gesture
For relationships to work, you must be willing to take things up a notch. Once you agree to get back together, create some nice memories for them.
Book a hot air balloon ride. Place sticker photos of the two of you everywhere. If you have the skills, build them a tree house they can enjoy with their friends.
Let them know that you’re in and that it’s with a bang. Use your imagination here, as it’s more about the gesture than the act or moment itself.
i think every woman deserves a man like ben warren that will build them a tree house even after taking a “break” on their relationship/marriage, that is not a grand gesture… that is love and consideration for your partner 🥺
— jaz🧘🏽♀️ (@celestialjazmin) October 22, 2019
13. Have a Trial Period
After going through a breakup, getting back together may be very stressful. You love that person, but you are not sure whether things will work out again or not.
If you truly want to be with them, you should have a trial period for your relationship. Talk about your breakup, then figure out what needs to be done. Once you find a new, better way to get along, you can advance to the full commitment stage.
14. Set Some Ground Rules
When you get back together with someone after a break, you might want to spend every minute of the day with them. You want to know where they are going, who they are texting, which friends they are hanging out with, or when they are coming home.
This is quite common when the reason for a break was, say, jealousy. This is not a healthy trait to have in a relationship, especially when both of you are committed to making this work again.
Relationships require you to set clear boundaries. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new one or if you are trying to fix an old one. You need to give each other space, allowing your partner to have their own friends, appointments, and interests.
15. Take the New Relationship Slowly
When you get back together from a relationship break, you might feel tempted to start where you left off. Some even take the relationship faster, hoping to make up for the time lost during the break.
Still, you might want to take it slowly at first. It’s easy to be overwhelmed and miss things when it’s going too fast. When you’re taking it slowly, you are also improving your communication.
16. Rekindle the Spark
To get a broken relationship going again, you need to rekindle that love you two shared. Here are a few ways for you to do that:
- Flirt more often
- Set up a date
- Talk to them about your feelings
- Let them know you’re there for them
- Get a small gift
- Compliment them
- Get them flowers
These small actions are important if you want to make a relationship work. It brings you back to the point of the beginning, where passion was at its strongest.
“Make sure your words and actions are aligned. If you make promises, fulfill those promises. Just words don’t hold weight. You need to act accordingly in order to add substance to those words.”
Joie Bose, relationship expert
Handling the Relationship Break: Let Your Old Roots Give Birth to a New Plant
Getting back together with your ex after a breakup is not always easy. After all, you have a history together – and probably a lot of hurt feelings to go with it. That being said, as long as you are communicating with one another, your relationship still has hope.
