Once you install and get some matches on a dating app, you don’t want to keep chatting with them forever. You went online because you wanted some real dates and real love, right? Yet, if you try rushing from chats to setting a date, it will not always work fine. Because there is some special timing that you’d better stick to.
So, how long to talk on a dating app before meeting in person? That’s the question we’ll find an answer to in this post.
How Long to Wait Before the First Date IRL?
The quick answer is: once you get the feeling that you like someone, you should make the next move and have a date with this person in real life. But what if you meet someone too soon or wait for the first real date for too long? Let’s dive into the topic and get advice from relationship experts.
Most dating coaches and relationship experts say one to two weeks is the best time for meeting IRL. However, the “perfect timing” varies greatly and depends on personal circumstances. Some couples meet in person on the same day, while others chat for months before taking their relationships offline.
One thing is sure: you should better meet them sooner than later; in a couple of weeks after matching ideally.
Why Should You Better Meet Sooner than Later? 5 Benefits
Waiting for a month or two before meeting up is not always a good idea. If you are genuinely interested in someone, it’s better to have a micro date offline rather than keep talking online. Meeting face to face is the best way to get to know the person and decide on wether you should continue communication.
Here are 5 benefits why you should plan your first date within the first few weeks.
1. Avoid Idealization
“The reason why romantic love is so captivating is that the perception of the other is based on the belief that they are rare and unique. That distinctiveness comes with idealization and the fantasy that this person holds the promise for intense connection and refuge from daily problems.”
Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist
The longer you chat with someone online, the more you idealize them. Since you don’t discuss each other’s negative traits and focus only on good things, it affects your overall perception.
Talking to an online image makes you believe this person has no flaws and is perfect in all senses. Eventually, you get deeply disappointed once you meet in real life.
Related reading: How to Be Romantic and Make Right Moves
2. Manage Your Time Wisely
The first few weeks are perfect timing to check if getting to know each other better sparkles your interest. If you’re talking every day yet still indecisive about meeting them, the chances it can work later are low.
If you chat with someone for more than two weeks and are still unsure whether you want to meet up, this person is not the right match for you. Not too much time is needed to understand that you have found your Mr/Mrs Right. Typically, a few messages are enough to feel it.
Feel no online chemistry? Don’t waste your time on conversations that will go nowhere. Say goodbye to this person and move on to the next match.
Related reading: Understanding Relationship Chemistry: How to Make the Sparkle Last?
3. Avoid Getting Into “the Texting Trap”
Some of your matches are treating dating apps as a source of free entertainment rather than a tool for building relationships. If you want to rule out such people completely, you should avoid messaging for too long before meeting up.
“The more available you become in their heads, the less likely they are to ask you out for an actual meeting. Because honestly, there are men out there who just want a beautiful pen pal.”
Sami Wunder, dating and relationship coach
Not all users of dating apps are looking for true love or a long-term relationship. Some people come to a dating site to find someone to chat with. Basically, such people text with you just for the sake of it – they have zero interest in meeting IRL.
To avoid getting into the texting trap, plan a face-to-face meeting right away.
Related reading: The Serial Dater – A Special Breed
4. Win the Competition
Do you genuinely believe that you have met someone special? Go on a real date to find out! If you wait for too long, you may lose a chance to meet the love of your life.
Be aware that most dating app users keep swiping right and chatting with others until they start dating in real life. So, the longer you wait to meet up, the higher the chances that the person you like will fall in love with someone else.
5. Feel the Joy of Falling in Love
Does your gut tell you that you have just met your soulmate? Do you enjoy every little conversation since day one and can’t wait to meet in person? If you really want to dive into new relationships, just do it – bring your romance to real life.
Love at first sight (like or message) is real. If you feel romantic and ready to meet up, don’t hesitate to take the next step.
3 Reasons to Wait for a While Before Meeting Your Dating App Match in Real Life
Meeting up with a dating app match quickly is generally a good idea. However, you should be mindful about going on dates with a stranger. In some cases, it’s better to wait a few more days or a week before meeting in person.
Here are 3 reasons why it’s a good idea to wait for a while.
1. Play Safe
First and foremost, you should take care of your safety. How do you know you can trust this person? If you want to meet up with someone you have just met online, you should think twice. Does this person is who he says he is?
Don’t want to spend too much time on dating apps and want to take your communication offline Then remember that the more you text each other, the higher the chances you will detect a scammer. It will be a red flag if they make statements that contradict themselves or if you catch them manipulating you.
Tip: Before setting a date, do a quick identity check. Try to find this person on social media and look through their profiles. Check recent pictures, posts, and comments. If you can’t find them on any social media network, it might be a sign that you are dealing with a scammer.
Related reading: How to Play Hard to Get
2. Avoid Being Pushy
Not everyone is ready to meet a stranger from a dating app immediately. So, if it’s your first week of talking, don’t be surprised that the person you like will reject your invitation to meet up.
Don’t be pushy or intrusive – don’t ask twice when they say “no.” Because if you do, you may scare your potential partner away. Wait one more week or so, and your invitation will be more likely to be accepted.
Tip: Arrange a video call to take your communication to the next level. It will make your connection feel more real before you meet offline.
Related reading: 6 Tips to Rock Conversation Starters on Dating Apps
3. Overcome Awkwardness
Many people hate first dates because they typically are full of awkward and uncomfortable moments. It’s quite challenging to build a meaningful and interesting conversation with someone you barely know and avoid awkward silence.
Tip: The longer you chat with someone online, the more comfortable you will feel on an actual date. If you meet up after two weeks rather than two days, you will be more likely to enjoy a real-life connection.
Here is how to make your meeting less awkward:
- Look through the profile of your dating app match to learn more about their preferences, hobbies, and beliefs so you will know what topics to discuss.
- Start a conversation online and then continue it offline. For instance, ask in chat whether they have siblings and how close they are. When you meet them in real life, ask questions about the best childhood memories they have of their siblings.
- Take your time to arrange a hassle-free date. Find a place where you will experience minimal stress and have opportunities to connect. It can be any location, from a food market to a mini golf field – choose whatever matches your and your date’s preferences.
5 Tips to Make Your App Date a Success
One evening can change everything. If a date goes well, you will get a chance to build healthy relationships. If you make a mistake and neglect safety, it can cost you time, money, and sometimes even life.
Meeting IRL is the whole minefield of rules to follow. There are so many things you should and shouldn’t do to make a good impression on your date. Thus, we highly encourage you to pay attention to the following dating advice.
1. Have a Contingency Plan
You can’t blindly trust everything you see and read on dating apps. Even if your dating app match seems to be a good guy, you should still treat him like a stranger.
Meet up at a public place, tell your friends or parents about your date, and share your location. If something goes wrong, it will be easier for you to seek help.
Related reading: Questions to Ask on a Dating App
2. Say No to Extremely Last-Minute Dates
If your match invites you to meet tonight, don’t rush to say “yes.” Make plans in advance instead. Otherwise, your match will believe that you don’t have much respect for your time and are desperate to meet someone.
3. Opt for an Activity Date
If both of you have busy schedules, enjoy some fun activities together rather than have “just drinks.” Attend an exercise class or visit an art exhibition or craft workshop. It’s a great way to add some diversity to your busy schedule and improve the conversation flow: when you are involved in some activity, it’s easier to find new topics to discuss.
Related reading: Top First Date Tips to Get a Second Date
4. Watch for the Red Flags
Talking about the relationships with exes is one of the most illustrative red flags for dating app matches. If you see that your match is still emotionally attached to their ex, it’s one of the biggest red flags. You can’t have a future with someone who can’t let go of their past.
Manipulative behavior is another potential red flag. Does the story they share sound like a fake one? Do they repeat the same story multiple times, trying to convince you of something? You should better avoid messaging with these people and don’t even think about meeting them in real life.
The first red flag was that man telling her his whole life story on a phone call before the first date. Any man that seems to have a rehearsed story is suspect lmao
— Coree (@coreeposh) February 19, 2024
5. Start With a Small Talk
Whether you have been chatting for one week or three months, you should always start your first in-person dates with some simple topics like weather or traffic jams. It will help you both relax and get on the same wavelength so you can enjoy the rest of your meeting.
Related reading: The Best Flirty Conversation Starters
Wrapping Up
Some dating app users wait for a few months to meet up. Others don’t bide and meet up the same day they meet online. There is no one golden standard to follow. You can choose to wait longer if you feel uncomfortable meeting a stranger.
In any case, you do you. Listen to your heart, take safety measures (meet at a public place and share your location with someone you trust), and be ready to enjoy spontaneous fun with your dating app match.
