Why girls tease men? It seems natural. But of course, this is far too simplistic from a psychological and relationship point of view. So, let’s take a look at this thing called teasing in relationships, what it is, why girls play this game, what they really want to achieve by it, and how it is done.
A Flirt and a Tease: What’s the Difference?
People often describe teasing as extreme flirting. But this is not really true. When we are flirting with someone, we show an interest in them. Flirting can be verbal or nonverbal – a flattering comment, a gaze, a smile, a mild pickup line, etc. A flirt can be silly, said in fun, and is light and usually nonsexual (with some exceptions).
Teasing is far more aggressive because it appears later. While a flirt is a fun way to show you are interested in a man, a tease is something that occurs after you and a man are involved in some way. You may have just begun to date, or you may be well into a relationship with a partner.
Either way, you have some stronger feelings and beliefs that cause you to tease:
- Do they always want what they think they can’t have?
- How does their desire affect their romantic relationships?
- How can you use their feelings to your advantage?
Some naughty teasing might help keep him focused on you and only you.
Related reading: How to Play Hard to Get
Teasing: Research Perspective
A research study by two cooperating universities asked both guys and girls – college students – on the subject of sexual teasing and found that far more girls than guys do that. Even more, an overwhelming majority stated that they teased someone they had had sex with or had been sexual with in another way.
Here are the reasons women gave for choosing to tease over the milder act of flirting:
- Making the guy want her sexually
- Checking if the guy really wanted her
- Wanting to feel attractive and desired by the guy
- Feeling power over the guy
- Using teasing as a delay tactic to show she was an easy mark
- Keeping a guy interested
- Getting enough attention
As we can see, it’s more likely for a girl than a guy to tease, and the underlying reasons beneath this act are to spice things up, fuel extra interest, and simply have fun. It’s relatively innocent, given the nature of desire and the good emotions it can bring to both parties if done right.
Related reading: Want Some Spice? Add a Sexual Surprise to Your Sex Life
9 Techniques for Teasing Your Guy
“The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
Germaine de Stael, author and essayist
The general “rule” for being a tease to your guy is known as “push-pull.” It’s the art of balancing the dynamics of a relationship between a girl and her boyfriend to keep things interesting for both. But what are some good ways to be a tease, put him in the mood, and get his blood flowing? Read on.
But first and foremost, to make things good, remember your reasons for teasing your man:
- Do you want him to desire you sexually?
- Do you want more control or attention?
- Do you want verification that his feelings for you are real or that he finds you attractive?
The point is you need to know what you’re looking for so you can gauge his response. Then, you can make sense of one of these techniques.
1. Use All the Available Resources
Teasing is not just a face-to-face game anymore. You can text, use social media, and even video chat to drive him a little crazy.
Here is what a girl can do to tease guys:
- Post some sexy photos of yourself on your profile pages
- To tease him even more, send some even more revealing photos directly
- Start a video chat when you are in bed for the night
- After a talk, send him a picture of some new lingerie you bought so he can visualize you in it.
- In the morning, text him you just got out of the shower and are wearing only a towel or underwear.
One word of caution: If you send suggestive pics, leave your face out. If it doesn’t work out, you don’t want these shots shared around.
2. Experiment with Personal Boundaries
With strangers, it’s absolutely uncomfortable to be physically close or maintain eye contact for a long. But we don’t feel that way with someone we are intimate with, so feel free to use this advantage to play with the space of your man.
Here is one of the good techniques for teasing his boundaries:
- Move in really close
- Don’t say a word
- Give him a caress with your hand
- Lick your lips with your tongue to get him hot
- Back off with a sly grin, keeping eye contact all the time
- Sit back, relax, and watch his reaction
He may very well move in on you – that’s a normal response if he’s hot enough.
3. Keep Him Guessing
If you don’t know this guy too well, you will want to move on him slowly, beginning with some simple flirting and then backing off.
Here are a couple of scenarios:
- You’re sitting at the bar. You come on by paying him a compliment. He is flattered. Then, you turn away and begin talking to someone else. He’s wondering about you. Maybe you turn back to him again and back away just as you did before. Now, he is really curious and wants to know more about you. At this point, you might agree to exchange phone numbers. Flirting mission accomplished.
- You meet on social media and begin messaging. You like him but don’t want to come on too strong. You want to push and then fall back. So, you set up private messaging, send him some flirty ones for a few days, and then back off for a day or two. This may drive him a bit crazy. Again, he wants to know more about you, so he’ll be in touch for sure. You can continue to be a little mysterious to keep him coming back. Again, mission accomplished.
4. Don’t Be Available
Not being available may be the hardest part of teasing if you are really into this man and want to be with him as much as possible. You’ll have to be tough. Don’t let him expect you to be always available.
Even if your first impulse is to say yes every time he wants to get together, don’t put him first in your life. If you do, where’s the challenge? Leave him feeling that there may be some competition out there.
Learn to say, “Gosh, I’m sorry, but I have other plans. Can I get a rain check?” And never tell him that those other plans mean popcorn and TV at home all alone.
If you’re feeling weak, make actual plans with friends or family so you really do have other plans. Just don’t leave everything and run to him. Men need to feel that they have a challenge, so make yourself their challenge.
5. Level Up Your Persona
Much about you comes from how he sees you – not just as hot but as a girl that other men want for more than just sex. Level up your personality so you’re putting yourself a high-value female that men hope to connect with.
Here is how you can do this in three steps:
- Exude confidence. You know your value, or do you? If you lack confidence, learn some strategies. This may take some practice – but if you intend to tease your squeeze, it’s worth it. Confidence is really all in your head.
- When you are out with your man, your confident self will be able to initiate and hold convos with others – focus on his male friends. They’ll be impressed and are likely to tell him how great you are.
- Sit back and watch him chase you.
You’re a prize, and he needs to be feeling that.
Related reading: 13 Valuable Traits of a High-Value Woman
6. Dress the Part
When you do go out with him, make sure what you wear will have him (and other men) a little breathless. Why it’s important? Because your clothes speak to your confidence!
Show off your style and some other body parts that are your strength – your legs, your butt, your girls perhaps? Play this game gently yet confidently. And remember: it’s not just your man you are out to impress. It’s all the other men he’ll see watching you that will bring him to his knees.
7. Get Physical
Part of push and pull involves physical touch. And you can combine some talk too.
Consider this: you are together, and you reach over, put your hand on his thigh, rub a little, lean over, and whisper, “I don’t have any panties on.” He will hear that for sure. This kind of foreplay is only temporary, though. Take your hand away, back off, give a small laugh, and change the conversation topic.
Related reading: Understanding Physical Touch Love Language
8. Go Home to Your Own Place
So, you’ve been dating for a short time. You tease, he responds with the chase, and things are getting a a little hot and heavy. You have planted your lips on his mouth plenty, and he has found your mouth and maybe some other key places with his hands and tongue. Sex is all but a foregone conclusion. He will suggest that you go home with him.
If you want to tease, the final touch before this step is to playfully reject the offer. You’ve had a great date, and you know that sex will eventually happen, but you are the one who decides when that happens, and he will need to wait until then. So, as much as you are dying to have that sex right now, push back, show him that wonderful smile of yours, and give him that last tease. “Maybe next time,” you say, and let him watch you walk away.
He still has some work to do, but you have given him a signal that it’s coming.
9. Know When Enough Is Enough
The last important tool of teasing in a girl’s arsenal is knowing the exact moment when to stop it. Most likely, it happens one moment before a man begins to suspect the teasing. When it happens, he may conclude that the tease game of a girl will never end, sex (or anything else) isn’t coming, and it’s better to stop the chase and walk away. If that happens, your tease has been overworked, and you have lost him.
To prevent this from happening, remember the point of a tease. It’s not to lead a man on forever—that’s mean and pointless. Once he has declared his feelings for you, the tease activity needs to stop, and his chase is over. If should work on your fear of commitment and become a mature couple.
Related reading: What a Fear of Commitment Does to Your Relationship
How to Tease a Guy and Come Out a Winner
Now you see why the movie trailers are called teasers. They give you just enough to motivate you to want to see the movie.
Be a movie trailer. Use your words or parts of your body to make your boyfriend want the whole thing. Do a slow burn until he gets what he wants. And you’ll have to lead him in just the right way – knowing that you will ultimately give it to him but leaving him longing and not knowing when.
All of this gives a girl the feeling of control and puts the power of the story of the two in her hands.
Before you watch guys fall for you, remember this:
- Not everyone responds to the same types of teases. You may have to engage in some trial and error with your boyfriend.
- Everything comes with practice. If you’re not an experienced teaser, there will be a learning curve.
Remember, guys love a challenge, and they respond when they believe there might be competition out there. If you let them know that they are going to have to work to win you, they’ll willingly take on that battle. And that’s a good things about a good tease – it gives you that power to manifest your self-worth effortlessly.
