Alpha. The first letter in the Greek alphabet – a somewhat “privileged” position – that moved to the animal kingdom, creating lots of analogies involving superiority and “being on top.” Animal researchers began to use the term “alpha male” to refer to the dominant male of species that lived in groups – chimps, gorillas, lions, etc. In these groups, there is a single male “winner,” while other males are identified as “Beta” (the second letter of the alphabet), or further in the alphabet. As those males move down through that alphabet – they become “losers.” This is known as the “social hierarchy.”
Eventually, this hierarchy of “alpha through omega” males made its way to the human species, the alpha male having certain characteristics or traits that made him stronger, a leader, and more desirable, especially by certain types of women. If you are dating someone you believe is an alpha man, here are the traits such men are looking for in a romantic partner.
“Another common strategy a lot of men employ is overcompensation. This is often portrayed as the “player lifestyle” imploring men to “be alpha” repeatedly, with little understanding of what that actually means.”
Mark Manson, #1 New York Times Bestselling author
Yes, there are males who feature themselves as alpha men, but there are very clear clues you should be aware of that really show they are not. Many women are fooled by these guys – so let’s see who alpha men are not.
This is a good-looking male who believes that to be an alpha male, all he has to do is look physically perfect. He spends a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, and other grooming priorities. He posts selfies all over his social media accounts looking for compliments and even adoration from friends and physically attractive women who are impressed.
In truth, his image is all that he has. And his focus on only his image means that he has none of the important characteristics of a true alpha male.
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Here’s the guy that fashions himself an alpha male by just being a macho masculine man. He has an active lifestyle, but it is full of activities that only try to impress others. So, they engage in plenty of risky stuff – driving fast cars, skydiving, off-roading, white-water rafting, mountain climbing, and so on. His attitude is one of competition to somehow prove he is “mass macho.” If you are looking for an alpha male, these are not “it.”
Related reading: Male Maturity – When Does It Kick In?
Now that you understand what makes alpha males tick, you have to decide if this is a man you want to pursue for a relationship. To do this, you will need to understand what this alpha male likes in the way of a female partner.
In general, alpha males exude confidence, have a great physical look, and can be a dominant presence “in the room.” But this is a simplistic description. Alpha traits include a lot more, including the types of “mates” they look for based on their view of themselves and how they want to be perceived in their social circles.
Now, let’s take a look at the traits of a genuine alpha male. Some may surprise you and dispel some myths you may have had about this alpha man. And if you are looking to know what type of woman is an alpha male attracted to, you better first understand who and what he is first.
Whether it is a challenge in their personal or professional lives, alpha males want to face them head-on and find a resolution. In fact, alpha males love them. Because every challenge they meet and resolve makes them more self-confident about their abilities. The alpha male pursues that solution until he finds it.
Non-alpha males tend to resign themselves to no solution when the going gets too tough. For the alpha, this may be a holdover of the traditional hero instinct. In this instance, he “saves the day” with a good problem solution.
There is quiet self-confidence within alpha males. They know who they are and have a strong sense of their strengths as natural leaders.
Men (and women) who must drop info about who they know, their achievements, their wealth, etc. are not alpha males. These men tend to have a lot of insecurities and self-esteem issues. On the contrary, alpha males have strong personalities.
We all set goals. And many of us cast them aside or lose our enthusiasm as other things get in the way.
The alpha male falls into the category of “never giving up.” He is determined to smash each goal he sets and move on to the next, even if the path is a bit crooked.
Not all leaders are alphas. But all alphas are leaders, at work and in many outside endeavors. They may be found on school boards, city councils, and on the boards of directors of community and charitable organizations.
Alpha guys understand the importance of staying healthy in order to be who they are to themselves and others. “All things in moderation” seems to be a mantra, and many work out.
He will not lie to avoid hurting someone, but he will probably be very diplomatic about it. He is mindful of other people’s feelings. When he is in a position to evaluate or give negative feedback to others, he couples criticism with suggestions and recommendations for positive change.
Alpha males do not compete with others. In fact, they prefer to make connections with other alphas because they have the same values and principles.
You will rarely see an emotional outburst from this guy. He has mastered the art of reacting calmly to even the toughest situation or conflict.
How? He has a great filter going on between what might be in his head in the heat of the moment and what comes out of his mouth. This is not to say that he never shows emotion – he may react with great joy at the birth of his child or with tears and sorrow at the death of a close loved one.
Physical appearance is important to alpha males. They will rarely be seen in public not fully groomed, even if in very casual clothing.
When he speaks, he does so with confidence that he knows what he is talking about. At the same time, he understands the importance of listening to others and absorbing what they are saying. The alpha male seeks out intelligent conversation.
There’s a huge difference here. The assertive male is confident in his ability to communicate his position on stuff but does not insist that his position is the only one there is. He does not outright reject the opinions of others and is willing to listen without criticism or judgment.
Alpha males are in charge of their own lives. And they have their own priorities.
While they are mindful of the needs and demands of those around them, they are able to analyze when those needs interfere with their own life. They will never be “doormats” and people pleasers to their own detriment. They will firmly, nicely, and confidently say “no.”
You have read through all of these traits, and they are really appealing to you. After all, who wouldn’t really be impressed?
But with these traits come certain expectations. There are traits that alpha males will be attracted to in a female partner they see as right for them. You might think they prefer alpha females, but an alpha woman may not be their ideal at all. Read on to understand if you have or want to have the traits that will have an alpha male attracted to you.
Related reading: Powerful Signs of Male Attraction – A Checklist for You
Now, let’s define elegance. It’s far more than just putting on the right cocktail dress for an event. It’s an entire composite of traits that exude a certain persona:
If you want an alpha male attracted to you, this will be a key persona you will need first and foremost.
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The alpha male values how he looks whenever out in public, and he will expect a female partner to value those same qualities. Even if you are just running errands around town, it will important that you are mindful of your appearance – nice clothes, hair, and makeup in place – just a general look that you take care of yourself at all times.
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So, there is feminine dress. But being feminine is more of an internal thing. A feminine woman is almost a mother type. They are nurturing and gentle in a relationship and with others they are close to.
Given that the alpha male does not always exhibit these qualities, externally at least, a feminine woman provides a nice balance to the relationship. And it kinda goes along with the old adage that “opposites attract.”
One of the things that makes alpha males fall for a female is the ability to hold an intelligent conversation with them. And this goes for her conversational skills in social environments too.
He is proud to “display” not so much an alpha female but, rather, a gentler version who is intelligent but does not flaunt or assert it. He values good communication with a smart, respectful woman.
An alpha male has a feeling of commitment to his community and to causes that are important to him. He values women who possess altruistic activities and share that value. So, if he meets a woman who adds this to her “resume,” he will be interested.
Strong women are confident women. Why? Because they have become strong and confident by facing struggles, rough patches, and challenges and overcoming them independently.
So has the alpha male. And he appreciates the type of woman who has emerged from these with her self-confidence intact.
But probably more “no” than “yes.”
Here’s the thing about the totally independent woman – she can be an unpredictable woman too. And unpredictability is not something that will make an alpha male pursue you. He wants reasonable stability.
On the other hand, in thinking about what type of woman is an alpha male attracted to, you have to add a free-spirited woman too – at least to an extent. This may sound like a huge contradiction, but a free-spirited human being, when moderate, simply doesn’t always follow the “herd.” Thus, she might wear white after Labor Day, find unique ways to entertain, etc.
He may actually appreciate her creativity, doing her own thing, and the desire to stand a bit apart from the crowd.
Because they are also very conscious of their own health and fitness, it stands to reason that they will want to find women who share that value. And staying fit includes more than just the physical aspect.
There is mental and emotional fitness too. Are you interested in learning new things? Do you read? When you have a crisis, are you able to work through that without “falling apart?” All of these things give a type of feminine energy to your persona that others notice and admire.
Independent women are attractive to a point, so long as that independence does not damage an alpha male’s image and status (e.g., she makes a decision to drink too much at a business function or wears clothing that is totally inappropriate).
But confidence is not the same as independence, though sometimes the terms are used interchangeably or as one resulting in the other. A confident woman believes in herself and her skills and abilities to meet life challenges and achieve her goals.
Independent women will act confidently in pursuit of their goals – but they can be willing and happy to “go it alone” as they do this. That woman is an alpha and probably not a great match for an alpha male. When considering what type of woman is an alpha male attracted to, be certain you distinguish between independence and confidence.
“Part of how synchronicity works is that it doesn’t know the difference between what you think you want, what you say you want, and what you really want. If you use most of your energy thinking about how miserable you are, and focusing on what you don’t like about what’s going on in your life, it’s like signaling the world to keep on sending more of the same your way.”
Rori Raye, a relationship coach
It’s not that they don’t consult their partners in decision-making, but alpha males like to take a lead role in a relationship, especially when it is new.
A willingness to allow her partner to take this lead role attracts alpha males. But a woman should not misconstrue this to mean that he wants a woman to be submissive or who is insecure.
Ultimately, he would like her to provide input even while he maintains the lead role. This is a fine line that can be confusing. And no woman should be in a position of sacrificing who she is and what she wants for the sake of a relationship. That will only lead to resentment at an emotional level.
While they are successful, confident, and dominant in all of their environments, alpha males know they don’t stay at the top of their game without support from others. That’s the case with any natural leader. And that includes the type of woman they seek. And when he has that supportive partner at his side, together, they make a power couple admired by many.
Showing support early on makes alpha males fall for this type of woman pretty quickly. And that kind of support makes him want to spend quality time with this woman while he explores the relationship’s potential. Some women may attempt to “fake” an overly supportive role in the beginning. Other women will just not demonstrate enough of a supportive “attitude” to keep him attracted and moving forward.
Finding the right balance between being supportive and having a strong personality that may reduce some of that support can be difficult. You may even want to consult a dating coach to sort out being supportive but in the right way. But above all, don’t be someone you are not. It will come out eventually, and then the relationship you have been working on will be done.
What type of woman is an alpha male attracted to? Well, this article should give you some key insights, especially if you have found one you want to pursue. But first, make sure that you not only have the traits that he wants but that being what he wants you to be is what you want to be too.