After taking a required Intro to Psychology course as an undergrad, I have never looked back. Since my doctoral program, I have specialized in adult relationship therapy. Through my studies and clinicals, I wrote several articles for professional journals and currently in the midst of writing a book.
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Right Person Wrong Time—It is Really All About Timing
If you ever liked someone, but circumstances kept tearing you apart every time you tried to approach that person, you know how heartbreaking meeting the right person at the wrong time can be. Literally, it feels like the universe is against you!
In this situation, you understand that timing is the major element in love equation, along with attraction, chemistry, and shared tastes. When in a frustrating situation, you’ll experience a missed love connection, filled with longing towards another person. A longing that may never be fully realized as a romantic relationship. To prevent this experience, you should know what meeting someone right at the wrong time actually means and how to act in this situation. We are here to help you clarify your feelings and vision.
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“Right Person Wrong Time:” What Does It Mean?
The phrase “right person wrong time” essentially describes meeting someone who seems to fit all of the qualifications of being the right person for you to be with but under unfavorable circumstances. They vary from relationship to relationship and in most situations are incredibly difficult to overcome. As a result, your otherwise healthy relationship is just not working out the way that you wish for it to work.
However, psychologists have different thoughts about this common perception.
5 signs that you’re with the right person – but at the wrong time: 1) you’re not the best version of yourself yet, 2) your career is your significant other right now, 3) you’re still getting over your ex, 4) you struggle with codependency, or 5) you’re about to move.
Who’s right – and who’s wrong? Well, truth is somewhere in between. There are times when you connect with people who would become your perfect person. They may share your dreams, goals, values, history, and more. However, life goals may be leading the two of you in different directions. Or one or both of you may find yourself in an already committed relationship.
“You never meet the right people at the wrong time because the right people are timeless.”
Right things require time frequently in our lives. Perhaps you may find that your dream job may take you in an entirely different direction. Or you may only realize what you had after some soul searching. All in all, when it comes to connecting with the perfect person at the wrong time, it all depends on how things are timed.
Right person, wrong time = WRONG person. pic.twitter.com/UjXMt9npEr
— Matthew Hussey (@matthewhussey) July 27, 2020
How Might a “Right Person Wrong Time” Relationship Affect Future Connections?
Due to the wrong time situation, you may begin to fear the idea of an exclusive relationship with others. It’s scary to find yourself continuing too long for that person so much that a relationship with a new person may not be able to flourish. You may also find it hard to connect with others when you keep fantasizing about the previous connection you had, even if you did not experience the real thing with them.
That’s why it’s crucial to identify the ‘right person, wrong time’ situation in a timely manner and take appropriate action. This will help you avoid ending up with a broken heart and being unable to build a happy relationship with someone new.
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How Do You Know That You Have Met the Right Person at the Wrong Time?
Spot these warning signs in your relationship so your focus won’t remain on that lost connection, and that won’t impact your ability to really connect romantically with someone else.
You or the other person is going through something challenging
In life, there are rough patches that can be incredibly difficult to get through, especially with a relationship potentially weighing you down. To be in a relationship means to give it the nurturing and attention that it deserves, which cannot be done when all that energy is going toward other things that also need your attention.
When entering a relationship you want to show your potential partner the best version of yourself. This cannot be done for either of you when one or both of you is struggling. Finding yourself in this situation can be difficult, and you may find that dating just won’t work.
Neither one of you puts in the same effort
A healthy relationship all depends on give and take from everyone involved. While it may sometimes be 50/50 or even 80/20, it should never be exclusively one-sided. If there are times when you find it difficult to communicate or follow up in any way, this may be a sign that it is the wrong time to date this person.
Neither of you can keep up with life and its changes
Healthy relationships require a level of steadiness in order for them to be lasting and consistent. If there are too many factors that prevent it from stabilizing, it is likely the wrong time to consider a relationship.
For example, issues in the family, moving long distances, a change in your career, and even the stress that certain holidays cause for most people can make it difficult to maintain a connection.
The timing is just bad
When it comes to the “right person wrong time” situation, you may find that the only factor that doesn’t make it work out is that the timing is just against you. Many factors can go into this.
For example, an age gap can make a huge difference in timing. Perhaps you are only in your 20’s and the person you are trying to connect with is almost 40. While this may seem like something that shouldn’t matter, you need to understand that they have more years of experience in adulthood than you do. While both of you are adults, you need the time to experience adulthood more before entering a relationship with them.
Here is another example of “right person wrong time” situation. The two of you go on some amazing dates and things seem like they will work out great. But you find yourself entering a situation where you have to suddenly move away – and neither of you feels as if a long-distance relationship will work out.
You may find yourself in a position where you are unable to give the relationship the attention that it needs. Whenever the timing is wrong, it’s best to just take a step back and wait as the dust settles before continuing on.
The goals that you have are not in sync
One of the biggest signs that you find yourself in the “right person wrong time” situation is that the two of you are on different pages. Perhaps the two of you have different goals, or you find yourself focused on your career while the other person finds themself focused on their mental health.
In order to develop a relationship at this wrong time, one of you would have to make a sacrifice and give up on your individual dreams. This can be damaging as well. You may find yourself essentially caught in the same pattern of obsession when you end up involved in this “right person wrong time” situation.
Incompatible goals will reveal the reality that it is the wrong time to consider a relationship with this person. In this situation, it will be best to walk away from the romantic aspects of the potential relationship and take a moment to focus on yourself and your dreams.
Logistics simply make it difficult to be together
It just isn’t going to work out. Perhaps they are already in a committed relationship or may have children that need their attention more. In this case, you may feel like while you want to be with them, you just aren’t ready for it to happen.
When it comes to love, you tend to have to take a leap of faith. But be kind to yourself. There are times when the risk is just too high and you need to take the steps necessary to move away from those feelings.
You or the other person just isn’t available emotionally
A big sign that it is the wrong time is when there’s a lack of emotional availability, meaning an ability to create emotional connection together. Without the emotional availability that you both need, relationships tend to fall apart over time.
“There are plenty of right-person-wrong-time optimists who remain hopeful in spite of circumstances — like immaturity, emotional unavailability, or geographic distance — that prevent people from getting together when they meet.”
Being emotionally unavailable is a key factor in the logistics that make it impossible for a relationship to work out. After all, a romantic relationship requires many emotions, love, understanding, appreciation, happiness, and even anger among many others. All of these emotions consistently mesh with one another.
One of you just isn’t ready
Life can take many unexpected turns, and there are times when outside influences prevent you from being prepared for a relationship. Perhaps you feel as if something is missing in your life that needs to be settled before you can even think of a relationship. Or maybe they experienced some kind of trauma and require time to heal before they can enter relationships again.
Rather than wonder what could have been, this is the best time for both of you to step away and handle the things you need to handle before you can move forward.
Neither of you wants to put in the work
Relationships require a lot of work in order to make them work. This process can definitely push you out of your comfort zone. If either of you feels uncomfortable with facing this situation and a compromise is impossible, it is a sign that you may be with the wrong person for that time. After all, compromise and work are what is needed in order to make your relationship thrive.
Related reading: Coloring the Grey Zone – Is Flirting Cheating?
You just have a feeling that something is wrong
We are meant to follow our instincts as humans, and sometimes we have a strange gut feeling that something is just wrong with the situation that we’re in. Perhaps the person you really like is the wrong person for you, and something inside of you is saying that you need to get away from them. Sometimes even when everything seems to be lining up perfectly, something still won’t feel right.
Either way, trust your gut. It’s the wrong time for you.
What Should You Do Now?
No matter what, meeting someone at the wrong time can feel honestly devastating, as if you’re missing out on something and it can be difficult to move past these feelings. However, you can still do something about it. Here are a few pieces of “right person wrong time” situation advice we have collected to help you move forward.
Take a pause and look over things
At this point, your job is to simply take your time and approach the relationships you have when you are secure again. Meeting a right person at the wrong time can make you feel confused and uneasy. Try and take the opportunity to shift this infatuation.
After all, there are billions of people in the world. And with that, there are endless possibilities for making a relationship work.
Also, remember that there is no rush. Your person will wait for you to be ready. We have this belief that we must enter a relationship as soon as possible. And if we get with another person at the wrong time, we may feel like we have to rush things after a certain point or else we risk losing out on potential happiness.
We need to get rid of this way of thinking. Life continues, and there will be plenty of opportunities for love. Just remember that meeting the right person at the wrong time does not ruin your chances of future relationships.
https://twitter.com/t0nit0ne/status/1111621694685364226?lang=en
Take the time to reflect on the connection
Reflecting on your relationship is one of the hardest things to do when you meet the right person in a wrong timing. It can be difficult to not fixate on what you could have had with them.
A good idea for you is to take a step back and take the time to reflect on what you need to move forward in life. Also, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Get into contact with a relationship coach to mediate your thoughts and take the time to look into other forms of related reading to gain knowledge and insight into the types of relationships you develop.
By doing this, you can achieve more personal growth and begin to create your own form of happiness. You may also find that dating becomes a lot easier.
By taking time to reflect on your connection, you may find out that while they may have felt right for you, they actually aren’t. So do yourself a favor: take the time to stop focusing on that relationship and realize what you need to grow.
Figure out what your attachment style is
Here are the attachment styles, or the ways how you connect with other people, you may have:
- Secure: The attachment style where you find that you are able to fit snugly and comfortably in your connections without any form of worry.
- Avoidant: You feel inclined to avoid connection with others. This happens as you feel as if your independence is much more important. This can also stem from a fearful-avoidant attachment style which essentially leads you to be uncomfortable with certain connections due to trust issues that you have.
- Anxious: The style of attachment where you feel the need to feel extremely close to the other. In this case, you are driven by a fear that they may abandon you.
Many people who have the belief that there is just that “right person” for you may, actually have a more anxious attachment style. This belief can also be a sign of an avoidant attachment style, where you find yourself pushing yourself away from all the others with the excuse that you are simply waiting for the right person.
By approaching your connections with the knowledge of your kind of attachment style, you may realize that you have found that right person many times in your life – but you simply weren’t able to see it before. This understanding may be the best cure to the “right person wrong time” idea in your mind.
Accept what has happened
Meeting the right person at the wrong time makes you long for something that may never be. Of course, this may feel hopeless. But the best for you is just accept the situation and move on.
Remember that if you continue to obsess over meeting your ideal person at the wrong time, you will be unable to properly care for yourself emotionally. Consider how both you and the other person feels. Perhaps they feel the same way and have already taken their own time to get over their own right person at the wrong time scenario.
Cherish the time you had together
Connections happen for a reason. While it is best to move forward with life when things don’t work out, that does not mean that you should forget about them or act as if they never happened. Remember that while it may not have been the right time for a relationship, they have likely helped you learn a valuable lesson.
Your experience is valuable in itself.
It may feel painful to see that potential partner moving on as if nothing had happened between you two. But always remember that there are many other opportunities for you to find the right time for a relationship.
Some people are only meant to stay for a short while. You can still love and appreciate them for years to come.
How Do You Know When It’s Right?
The right relationship is never based on purely luck. When it all comes down to it, there are many factors that allow you to find yourself in the right place at the right time. You both have similar goals and ideals, your job and family connections are stable. And in general, there is no stress when you are with them.
While true love should come easily, it needs to be maintained with a lot of hard work. Here are some signs that you have met that person at the right time:
- You both are at a point in your life where emotional availability comes easily
- You are both able to communicate in an effective and clear manner with each other
- Neither one of you plays games, the words and actions you show match well
- You are simply able to be yourself
- Discussion and compromise come easily for you
- You enjoy the time together and feel safe with each other
- You are able to see a future with them and they are on the same page as you
- You have similar values and are both growing in the same way
- While you may have conflicts, you are able to resolve them in a healthy manner
- Both of you feel a strong attraction to each other on all levels there are to you: spirit, intellect, emotions, your mental and physical aspects
- You are both able to show respect in the connection you have
- You both support the mental and emotional development that you both go through
- The challenges you face are enjoyable
- Ultimately you want what is best for each other
- This commitment feels natural
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Be Careful with Wrong People and Patient About Wrong Timing
When you meet the right person at the wrong time, you may find yourself feeling desire in one of the highest forms it can manifest in. However, you have to remember that a relationship worth working on requires two people to make it work. And sometimes, it simply is not meant to go the way you feel that it should.
“If you love the wrong one so much, just imagine how much you can love the right one.”
Brandon Stanton, Humans of New York
Always remember that it’s ok to step away from a relationship. You deserve to find someone who loves you in the way you deserve. Don’t allow the desire you have for the person in your “right person wrong time” scenario to prevent you from being loved by the right person at the right time.
Geoffrey Williams
