After taking a required Intro to Psychology course as an undergrad, I have never looked back. Since my doctoral program, I have specialized in adult relationship therapy. Through my studies and clinicals, I wrote several articles for professional journals and currently in the midst of writing a book.
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How to Know If You Are a Hopeless Romantic
Are you a hopeless romantic? Is that a good or bad thing? How will these tendencies affect your relationship? Here, we take a look at what a hopeless romantic is, and the signs that you tend to lead with your heart. Read to the end for some useful advice on how to manage your romantic nature so your relationships move in a positive direction.
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What Is a Hopeless Romantic?
Hopeless romantic may have some confusing traits. But one thing is clear: the hopeless romantic is someone who will always find love to be one of the best things to exist, no matter what struggles they have been through themselves.
Is your partner a hopeless romantic? There is some positive news. According to a study, people with high romantic expectations expressed more satisfaction with their partners. So you might have a happier relationship because of that.
Certain traits are often assigned or stereotyped towards a person with hopeless romantic tendencies. However, they aren’t always in line with what a hopeless romantic is. Some of these ambiguous traits can include:
- Obsession: A person who hopelessly believes in love or falls in love easily will often be deemed to be obsessive about their partner. Even if they very rarely talk about them.
- Ignorant to reality: Some hopeless romantics see the world through rose-colored glasses. They may ignore red flags from their partner with the mindset that love easily conquers all.
- Overly optimistic: While optimism can be a good trait to have, there are times when that optimism can become toxic. As hopeless romantics fall in love easily, they think of their lives as fairy tales with a happy ending. However, for these eternal optimists, these unrealistic expectations and the idealized view often lead to the relationship’s failure through set boundaries.
Although many hopeless romantics may possess some of these traits, it is unfair to assume that this applies to them all. If you find yourself hopeless romantic, just consider these 3 qualities as warning signs to consider in all your relationships – you are likely to fall into extremes.
Related reading: 14 Red Flags in Your New Male Squeeze
14 Red Flags in Women – Here’s Your Checklist
What a Hopeless Romantic Isn’t?
“A hopeless romantic can often be described as someone who is in love with being in love. They believe that love conquers it all.”
Dana McNeil, PsyD, contact therapist and relationship expert
Some people will use the words hopeless romantic as a way to deflect or excuse behaviors that are unhealthy or toxic. Rather than taking ownership of their behavior or respecting boundaries, they simply claim they are hopeless romantics. Be wary of this tendency in yourself or others.
Here are some examples of this:
- Justifying inappropriate flirting by claiming to be a hopeless romantic
- Responding to requests to be left alone with the excuse that you aren’t harassing anyone, you are just a hopeless romantic
- Excusing obsessive or controlling behavior in a relationship by saying “he doesn’t mean any harm. He’s just a hopeless romantic.”
10 Signs You Are a Hopeless Romantic
Are you a hopeless romantic? Or do you tend to connect more with other hopeless romantics? Here are 10 ways you can tell you are a true hopeless romantic.
1. You Are Overly Optimistic in the Ways of Love
Hopeless romantics tend to be very optimistic about love and romance. They believe wholeheartedly that when they fall in love, love for their partner will improve anything and everything.
2. Many of Your Relationships Are One-Sided
As a hopeless romantic, you may see a tendency for your relationships to feel one-sided. That’s why you tend to throw all your efforts into the relationship, and may even develop a martyr complex.
3. Your Relationships Start with a Burning Passion, But Burn Out Very Quickly
When dealing with hopeless romanticism, you may find that the way you make your relationship work is to start off with a strong fiery burning romance. You obsess over your partner instantly. You see their entire being in rose-colored glasses.
Eventually, the flames between you die down – after a couple of weeks or months. But when that burning passion dies, hopeless romantics tend to crave it again. They may even end the relationship in hopes of finding that flare again.
4. You Often Ignore Warning Signs
Whether you refer to them as red flags or not, a hopeless romantic will often ignore even the most brightly colored red flags.
After all, when you see the world through rose-colored glasses, all red flags just look regular.
Hopeless romantics tend to use their optimism in ways that often harm themselves. They tend to fall hard into romance as they fall in love easily. All the people they are with appear in the best light possible. This idealized view makes them see red flags in a relationship partner as endearing traits.
5. You Let Your Emotions Lead the Way
Hopeless romantics tend to let their heart lead, even when they shouldn’t. They believe that their heart has the right answer for everything, especially when it comes to any relationship they may have.
You never seem to be on the same page emotionally. Letting the heart decide is dangerous because you can:
- ignore poor past experiences,
- overlook red flags,
- have negative experiences as you try to find a relationship with the right person for you.
Related reading: Right Person Wrong Time – It is Really All About Timing
6. You Are Obsessed with Everything Romantic
Hopeless romantics tend to obsess over all things related to romance. They believe in love at first sight and absolutely adore romantic films.
Other aspects can include NPCs in video games, romantic stories in novels and television series, and more. These things can support an idealized view of any relationship for a hopelessly romantic person.
7. You Idolize the Partner You Have
If there is ever a possibility of a race of being obsessed with their partners, hopeless romantics might take first prize. The feelings that they feel are intense and often blinding as they dream about the future life they may have with the partner they have accrued:
- You may see everything about your partner as a good thing
- You focus on what is good about the person you love and clearly show everyone what you love about them
- You may even find yourself talking about your partner to everyone
The downside is that it can cause your partner to feel much pressure. If they are your only source of happiness, they may begin to feel trapped. Also, it’s difficult to be put on a pedestal by the person you love.
To you, it’s adoration and admiration. To them, it feels as if they have to be perfect to live up to your expectations or they might hurt your feelings.
Related reading: How to Stop Being Codependent and Reclaim Your Life
8. All Your Long-Term Relationships Didn’t Last Long
As a hopeless romantic, you may have very few long-term relationships. You may dream of licensed marriage with each partner you have a relationship with but you always have to break up before you get to that point.
As you stand hand in hand with each new partner, you have a strong hope that it will be different that time. But it rarely ever is.
This is a shame. While love is an amazing thing, that’s not where most relationships go. So, you set yourself up to be let down due to your high expectations. You don’t have to fall madly in love every time to enjoy meeting people and dating.
9. You Often Find Yourself Having Romantic Daydreams
Whether they are in a relationship or not, a hopeless romantic tends to find many ways to flee from reality. One of these escape mechanisms is by finding ways to fantasize.
If you have daydreams about your relationships or people you find attractive, that may be one of the signs you are a hopeless romantic.
10. You Spend as Much Time as You Can with Your Partner
In a relationship, a hopeless romantic wants to spend as much time as possible with their partner. This can be so extreme that you even develop a feeling or sense of fear or anxiety when apart.
Hopeless vs. Hopeful Romantic: What’s the Difference?
A hopeful romantic shares some ideals of hopeless romantics but doesn’t go through life with them. They are not completely pessimistic about love and romance – just a bit more realistic.
A hopeful romantic is a person who believes wholeheartedly in the idea of love and hopes to find the best in their potential partners. However, they are also grounded in reality. They don’t turn a blind eye to their partner’s negative aspects. In life, they let their mind lead most of the time while their heart can only take the lead occasionally.
A hopeful romantic is also patient. They don’t feel pressured to fall in love until they are ready. All in all, a hopeful romantic is a healthier version of a hopeless romantic, meaning their ability to be down-to-earth and see life without rose-colored glasses.
5 Things to Do
Sentimental tendencies, the desire to see good in people, and the willingness to show affection are among the positive sides and healthy aspects of being a hopeless romantic. However, you should be careful with negatives on the flip side of the coin. Don’t make your idealistic views warp your reality and cause the inability to settle healthy boundaries.
Here are 5 things you can as a hopeless romantic do when dating and falling in love not to make things go wrong.
1. Remember What First Dates Are for
The first date should give you a sense of the relationship with a new partner. Don’t expect much from them!
It’s impossible to see if you’re on the same level emotionally and intellectually while spending a couple of hours together.
Don’t make the mistake of ignoring red flags because you feel strong affection immediately. True love needs mutual effort and the ability to work all their time on the relationship.
Use the first date experience to get to know someone and establish boundaries between you. You may feel a strong connection on the first date and see many positive side aspects, but remember – that isn’t love. If you truly cherish the idea of falling in love, wait until you know the other person well enough to sustain something special.
Related reading: Think You Found the One? Don’t Miss These Stages of Falling in Love!
2. Work on Keeping the Rose-Colored Glasses Off
If you want to step away from being a hopeless romantic, keep the rose glasses off while entering a relationship. Your illusions may feel safe and secure, but they will only work to damage the relationship you are in. The more realistic vision you develop, the happier in the relationship you can build.
3. Be Open to the Good and Bad of Your Partners
The ability to see two sides in your partner is a logical outcome of your realistic approach to life. The sooner you realize there is always black and white in your partner, the less often you will have your feelings hurt in the future.
4. Ask Others for Their Opinions and Be Open to Them
When you start dating someone, even if you think they are your soulmate, it’s always a good idea to ask your friends and other people you know for their opinion of the people you are with. They may be able to see the signs that you can’t and help lead you to the right path toward a healthy relationship.
Related reading: 17 Weird Soulmate Signs – Is It Meant to Be?
5. Seek Out Therapy or Counseling
It’s a good idea to see a family therapist or a psychiatrist. The expert can help you understand why you think of relationships the way you do. Seeking out professional help during times you find yourself obsessing over your relationships.
Final Thoughts: Embrace Your Inner Romantic
There’s nothing wrong with being a romantic person and believing wholeheartedly in the power of love. Cynicism seems to dominate our relationships and interactions. It’s refreshing that some still commit to love so wholeheartedly.
As long as you are avoiding red flag behaviors, and avoid setting yourself up to be let down, go forth and be amazing. You can always remain hopeful romantic and bring something beautiful in this world.
Geoffrey Williams
