Pleasing Your Man – A How-To Guide

Intimacy & Sex
09 Jul 2023
8 min read
How to Please a Man - Here's Your Guide

How to please a man? It sounds a bit sexist, no? After all, in this age of gender equality, what’s up with this? How about a man pleasing a woman?

If you are a woman reading this right now and feeling a bit put out, don’t be. In a relationship, it really is up to each partner to be committed to pleasing the other. And it’s especially important in long-term relationships because, over time, the relationship can become a bit “stale” and mundane. So, how about you take the initiative and put some pizzazz back into your relationship?

And guess what? As you do this, you’ll probably find that you have awakened some dormant desires and excitement that bring about your own pleasure too. Let’s unpack all the ways how to please a man sexually, in and out of the bedroom. Are they all sexy? Yes.

Before Getting Into “the Deed:” 4 Things to Prepare

Foreplay is not just for the activities right before sex. A lot of it can occur when the two of you first see each other, perhaps after the workday or when you meet up at your place or his for an evening/night together. It also includes having a talk or two about what each of you would like to do and have done. Men love it when foreplay is more prolonged.

Related reading: How to Be a Better Lover – Inside and Out

1. Send Some Sexy Photos

Before you are set to meet up, send a few erotic photos of yourself. These can be a huge turn-on as he thinks about you during the day. And you can add a few naughty captions that give hints of what he is in for.

2. Get a Little Physical

It might begin with eye contact and a full-body hug. This means that all body parts will connect. And it won’t hurt to wear something a bit sexy and revealing. This is a moment when you want to tease a bit and give a physical hint of what you want to happen later.

Have a sensual meal if you want to please a man

3. Have a Sensual Meal

Now, if dinner is involved, you might want to plan a meal that is considered sensual. Or at least eat it in a sensual way. If you have never seen the movie, Tom Jones, you should watch it. It’s really an old flick and may not be the kinda film you would choose, so just fast-forward it to the scene where he is eating a meal with the woman he’s obviously going to have sex with. In fact, the entire film is heavily focused on his sexual exploits and is pretty funny.

And do a little research on what foods are considered to be seductive. Make them a part of the menu whether you are cooking at your place or taking a meal over to him.

4. Have Those Conversations

Guys love it when their mate is willing to initiate intimacy and discuss sex positions that cater to their sexual fantasies. But you won’t even know what his favorite sex positions or fantasies are unless you ask. Forget being shy about it. Have him tell you what would bring him pure pleasure and be prepared to initiate sex that honors his wishes.

Women are sometimes a little uncomfortable about having this kind of talk, but great sex does not come from holding back. You may have to get out of your comfort zone here, but most men will appreciate being asked and will be happy to fill you in on what they really want. And once you have that first conversation, you’ll feel confident having more of them. If the goal is to please your man, this is a great start.

Now that you have gone through all the time and trouble of preparing yourself and him for amazing sex, let’s get down to the real thing.

How to Please Your Man in Bed: 7 Tips

So you now have some good ideas about what your man would love to happen, and you have probably thought about what would turn you on too. Remember, there is no such thing as a bad idea for sex. Get in bed, explore, and have fun. Based on what you now know, here are a bunch of things you can try.

1. Move It Out of the Bedroom

It just feels a little naughty to have sex on the kitchen table, on the patio/deck, in the shower, on the floor, or even in some risky public places. There’s the beach if you are close, or even on the shore of a lake. A risky place can be a huge turn-on too.

The point is this: having sex only in bed can get boring after a while. Spark it up.

2. Give a Private Peep Show

Your own body can be a great visual if you do it right. Don some really sexy lingerie and perform a sexy strip tease, exposing your body gradually, even to music. You must be comfortable in your own skin to do this right, but you could practice in advance. Most men love watching women undress in a sexy way. He won’t need to go to a strip club to get this kind of action.

Let food be your sex therapist in bed

3. Use Food Items

One way to provide different sensations is to use such things as chocolate syrup, whipped cream, fruit, etc. Use them for licking and sucking. Think about such things as squirting whipped cream all over his penis and then licking it off, or pouring some chocolate syrup around his anus or nipples. You may have to do a little research, but it will be well worth it. Your goal is to make his whole world of sex filled with pleasure and fun. And using food and your mouth around his erogenous zones will fill this bill nicely.

4. Onto Sex Toys

If you have not used sex toys in your sex life, you don’t know what you are missing. And if you are thinking about how to please a man, you cannot ignore this option.

It is extremely sexy for guys to watch women use sex toys on themselves as they ready themselves or actually have an orgasm. But don’t stop there.

Guys also love the pleasure of having toys used on them. From penis vibrators to analingus, there is so much to be done. Do some research and come up with some new ideas for fun and pleasure. There are nerve endings all over the male body (and yours too) that will respond to the use of toys for sexual pleasure. Experiment with a variety of toys and see how much pleasure comes from various nerve endings.

As you use toys to please your man, it’s important to talk, even in the moment of the activity. You want to know what is working and what is not.

Related reading: The Making of a Sexual Goddess

5. Add Some Kink

You don’t have to be into deep BDSM to please your man in bed. There are lots of light kinks that many men fantasize about. For example, he takes control of the type of sex and makes a woman comply with his commands. Other aspects of light kink may involve him playing and submissive role and having a dominant woman take control over them. Let’s see what you can do in this dimension.

Role Playing

“Role plays can take on many forms and they may reflect values and desires that are entirely oppositional to those you pride yourself on in real life…Oftentimes, the most appealing roles are those that stray most significantly from our lived reality. If you manage great responsibility at work or at home, you may derive great pleasure from indulging in a submissive role. And if you spend most of your days catering to everyone else’s needs, playing a selfish role may be the perfect escape from reality.”

Jessica O’Reilly, relationship and sex expert

This is both fun and erotic and will bring a whole new level to your sex life. Some of the most common role-play scenarios are teacher-student, doctor-patient, cop-prisoner, boss-secretary, etc. If you have no other ideas, try these in bed tonight – or invent your own ones to spice things up!

Talking Dirty

This is probably something your great aunt or grandmother would have gone pale if they engaged in it. But your love life is in the 21st century, so act like it – he’ll love it!

If your man says he wants to talk dirty during sex, then by all means please your man in bed by doing just that. This may take some practice on your part if this has never been a focus of sex with your partner, but you can get some good ideas. Just unlock your own fantasies, think of different positions in bed and out of it – and see where the dirty talk leads you.

6. Try Some New Positions and Activities

This has already been covered in a couple of other sections, but there are also light BDSM positions, along with other activities like oral sex and anal play, that can also pleasure a man.


This is what the Letter “B” stands for in BDSM. Bondage can be any type of immobilizing a partner while the dominant partner “has their way” with them. Bondage can include such things as using scarves to tie a partner to bedposts or a chair while the dominant one performs sex acts. Other tools might include handcuffs and rope, but generally not chains, hoods, or neck restraints. These are for harder forms of bondage.

Still, if you have fun while you please your man with bondage, and the two of you decide to move forward to heavier kink, go for it. And you might want to take turns with your dominant-submissive roles.

Depriving the Senses

This can be highly erotic – whether you are in bed or anywhere else. It involves removing one or more senses while sex moves forward:

  • Suppose you blindfold your man and then perform sex acts on him that will come as a surprise because he can’t see what’s coming.
  • You might have him lying down in bed and stimulate his penis in any number of ways.
  • You might turn him over and engage in some analingus with your mouth, tongue, or a toy.

If his fantasy is to do the same to you, have at it. And guess what? You may experience some pretty extreme pleasure too. Especially if you mix things with different sex positions – for example, do reverse cowgirl instead of the missionary position.

Impact Play

This can be very mild all the way up to sadomasochism (the “SM” part of the equation). The impact can range from using feathers or scarves to glide over erogenous zones, to mild spanking, to the use of tools like paddles or whips that will induce pain.

You don’t need a relationship expert to tell you that you and your man must discuss the comfort zone that each of you has with the impact plan. If he’s honest he’ll let you know the specifics of what he wants, and you can move forward accordingly based on your comfort level too.

Are there many more aspects of BDSM? Absolutely. Check out this article to explore more. And share it with your man, so he’ll be able to decide on his preferences too.

Are You Ready to Please Your Man?

This article has addressed all of the ways you might please your man in and out of the bedroom. Your goal is to add more pizzazz to your love life, especially the sexual aspect. You have all sorts of ways to do this and probably bring amazing sexual satisfaction to yourself as well. Be open, honest, and ask him to do the same. Together, you’ll be able to put that spark back into your relationship.

Love&Sex Expert
Cherie Hamilton
I’ve always been inspired by women who are outgoing, very sure of themselves, and not afraid to be who they were, including their sex lives. Under their tutelage, I gradually shed my old self, hung out and socialized with them, and, over time, became the empowered, self-confident, and sexual woman I am today. Happy to share my insights with other women today!

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