Survey: PDA and Where American Daters Draw the Line

Some couples can’t keep their hands off each other, even in public. For many bystanders—and sometimes the people involved— it’s more complicated than it looks. 

Hily surveyed 5,600 Gen Z and Millennial American daters on how they feel about public displays of affection (PDA): what makes them uncomfortable, what crosses the line on a first date, and the calculus of PDAs and jealousy, red flags, and even social media. Although the results show a consistent divide among genders and generations, how people actually feel about PDA isn’t so clear-cut. 

First, some key findings from our survey:

• Nearly 1 in 3 Gen Z daters hate seeing a couple make out in public, compared to fewer than 1 in 5 Millennials
• Almost 40% of American women have felt pressured by a date to be affectionate in public when they weren’t comfortable with it, compared to around 10% of men
• 47% of Gen Z women would end a first date on the spot if a match tried to make out with them in public
• More than 80% of Gen Z and Millennial daters say they wouldn’t care about kissing in public if caught up in the moment 

What Makes People Uncomfortable

Nearly 1 in 3 Gen Z daters say they hate seeing a couple making out in public, compared to fewer than 1 in 5 Millennials. That generational gap is worth highlighting—according to the survey, Gen Z is consistently less comfortable with PDA than their Millennial counterparts.

Discomfort isn’t the only reaction, though: 52% of Gen Z and 38% of Millennial daters say seeing a couple kiss in public makes them feel lonely. When it comes to public displays of affection, not everyone’s as happy as the people causing a scene.

Some types of PDA are more discomfiting than others: groping or grabbing each other tops the list for both generations, with 46% of Gen Z and 29% of Millennials finding it uncomfortable to witness. Making out follows, bothering 29% and 15% of surveyed Gen Z and Millennial daters, respectively. The PDA pattern is clear: the more physically intense or steamy the behavior, the more other people don’t want to see it.

Location matters too. The three worst places to witness PDA, according to daters, are a church or religious space (52% of Gen Z and 44% of Millennials), a family gathering or holiday dinner (39% of Gen Z and 31% of Millennials), and public transit (28% and 17%, respectively). Some places are made for making out, and it looks like church isn’t one of them.

PDA on a First Date

Naturally, first dates have their own PDA threshold. Groping or grabbing makes more than a third of daters uncomfortable on a first date: 42% of Gen Z and 33% of Millennials. Making out in public is too much for 29% of Gen Z and 20% of Millennials, and sitting on a date’s lap isn’t far behind—28% of Gen Z and 18% of Millennials would rather not. Physical intimacy on a first date may not be an issue, but when it takes place in public, it is a step too far for many daters.

Not everyone takes a hardline stance against PDAs. Almost half (42%) of Gen Z and (49%) of Millennials consider it a red flag when a date refuses to kiss them in public. Avoiding any public affection at all sends a different kind of signal, and it’s not one everybody likes.

The heat of the moment can make folks who say they don’t want to see PDAs forget that there are other people out there who feel the same way: 81% of Gen Z and 86% of Millennial daters say if they were caught up in the moment, they wouldn’t care about kissing in public. PDAs in theory and in practice are two very different things.

The Pressure and the Exit

Unfortunately, 37% of American women have felt pressured by a date to be affectionate in public when they weren’t comfortable with it, compared to just 10% of men. The experience of unwanted pressure around PDA is significantly more common for women—a difference that shows up consistently in the data that follows.

For 51% of Gen Z women and 46% of Millennial women, a bad first kiss in a public setting would put them off seeing that person again, as opposed to 15% of Gen Z men and 14% of Millennial men. The first kiss carries more weight for women, and where it happens is part of the equation.

For some, making out in public is a boundary that can’t be crossed: 47% of Gen Z women and 28% of Millennial women say they’d end a first date immediately if a match tried to make out with them in public. Among men, that number drops to 10% of Gen Z and 5% of Millennials. The gender gap here is one of the widest in the survey.

For 65% of Gen Z women and 47% of Millennial women, it would be embarrassing if a new date tried to make out with them in front of friends, compared to 31% of Gen Z men and 21% of Millennial men. Early in a relationship, physical intimacy in a social setting is something many women aren’t into, regardless of how they feel about the person.

The Jealousy Factor

A PDA isn’t always spontaneous. Roughly 1 in 4 Gen Z and Millennial women and about 1 in 5 Gen Z and Millennial men say they’ve kissed a partner in public specifically to make someone else jealous. Public kissing as a strategic move is more common than most people would probably admit.

PDA on Social Media

Shifting from the real world to online, 34% of Gen Z and 29% of Millennial daters think couples who show a lot of PDA on social media are performing rather than expressing something genuine. It’s not a majority view, but it’s a consistent one across both generations. What reads as affectionate IRL might read differently on a screen.

Same Kiss, Different Reactions

PDA is complicated terrain for young American daters. Most people wouldn’t care about kissing in public if the moment called for it—but most people also have clear opinions about when it goes too far, where it’s inappropriate, and what it signals about the person initiating it.

The gender divide runs through almost every data point. Women are more likely to feel uncomfortable, more likely to feel pressured, and more likely to end a date over public physical intimacy. Men are more relaxed across the board—in what they’re comfortable doing, witnessing, and receiving.

How affectionate a couple is in public says something. What exactly it says depends entirely on who’s watching.

The methodology

Hily’s research team surveyed 5,600 Gen Z and Millennial daters in the United States to explore their attitudes toward public displays of affection (PDA). The study examined comfort levels with witnessing and engaging in PDA, first-date boundaries, gender differences in pressure and reactions, and perceptions of PDA on social media.

About Hily

Hily (pronounced “high-ly”) is the app to date as you are. Short for “Hey, I Like You,” Hily helps daters embrace their true selves, make genuine connections and enjoy dating without the pressure of chasing a perfect image.

Features like Icks & Click compatibility check, Discover tab and Consent Guard give daters confidence to express who they are and connect with people who get them.

Since launching in 2017, Hily has grown into one of the top 5 dating apps in US app stores, with more than 43 million downloads worldwide.