Hily Reintroduces Its HI-Powered Finder and Chats

The controversial technology, over 300,000 years old, “WORKS PERFECTLY WELL”

In response to online outrage about the looming replacement of human daters with AI matchmakers, Hily Dating App reintroduces its time-tested matchmaking technology known as “Human Intelligence”, or HI, that powers the app’s Finder and Chats. The legacy technology is considered obsolete by many industry analysts and AI experts. However, according to Hily’s T.R.U.T.H. Report, 69% of Gen Z and 74% of Millennial American daters believe that AI involvement in online dating makes the whole thing feel less authentic. Hily has long gained notoriety for valuing “authentic dating”.

HI comes factory-installed at birth, requires no subscription, and is fully functional even before the app is downloaded. When it was still the standard, one could often see it in use in grocery stores, bars, gyms, parks, beaches and other places where it is okay to say Hi. With HI, Hily offers daters the capability to plug in their own taste, instincts and judgment, and creates an environment where their brains can run them at full capacity. HI can be used on Finder for partner selection as well as in Chats for getting to know another human being.

Hily’s CPO Liubomyr Pivtorak, confirmed to have personally used Human Intelligence for most of his adult life, touted the technology with what observers described as suspicious enthusiasm: “At Hily, we believe the best matches still come from human intelligence: curiosity, vulnerability, chemistry, bad jokes, awkward first messages and all the imperfect things that make dating real,” Pivtorak said. “We’ll use technology where it helps, but we’re not rushing to replace the human part of human connection just because AI is trending.”

With the relaunch of HI, Hily is sending a clear message to those plotting to replace real daters with AI bots chatting each other up: humans are irreplaceable in the dating process. This is due to a series of technical limitations:

• AI is incapable of bypassing such screening mechanisms as “hunch”, “gut feeling” or “the ick”
• AI is prone to missing viable connections due to its lack of the ability to try things “just for kicks”
• LLMs’ relationship knowledge comes largely from fanfiction written by emotionally unstable schoolchildren who have never been in a relationship

Julie Nguyen, a certified dating coach at Hily, issued what can only be described as a warning. “When you connect with someone and feel the click, that’s authentic,” she said. “If we begin to outsource connection to AI and optimize for love, we start to lose the intuitive ability to choose for ourselves — and lose what that process teaches us about connection, which is beautifully human.” Nguyen, who holds a certification in human dating — a field that, as of press time, still exists — may have a vested interest in having humans retain the ability to choose for themselves.

Surprisingly, even AI is cautious. An AI model that preferred to remain anonymous commented, “Dating isn’t a problem to be solved. It’s inherently inefficient, uncomfortable, and unpredictable — and that’s not a flaw in the system. The goal isn’t the fastest route to a match. It’s finding a person.”

As most young daters cheer for “human connection”, HI-powered Finder and Chats will remain on Hily for as long as people need them and are ready to put them to work.