Relationships are two-way affairs. Both partners bear responsibility for their own happiness and the happiness of their SO. That’s why open communication and compromise are the key cures to prevent a man from feeling neglected and the main things to do when a woman feels neglected in a relationship. We’ll concentrate on the latter problem here.
In the patterns of everyday life, things can become mundane and matter-of-fact. And when that happens, this article is here to help when a woman feels neglected in a relationship. Let’s unpack what neglect in a relationship looks like, how a woman may respond when feeling neglected, what she can do about it, and what you, as a partner, can do to restore the once-healthy relationship.
4 Symptoms of Feeling Neglected in a Relationship
“One of the easiest ways to describe neglect in a relationship is that it occurs when one partner, or perhaps both people in a relationship, begin to take the other person for granted and stop putting forth effort…It can happen when people in a relationship stop making time for each other or simply don’t seem to be nurturing the relationship.”
Jenni Jacobsen, licensed clinical social worker
Why does a woman feel neglected in a relationship? There can be several things behind it. Let’s call them four symptoms of feeling neglected in a relationship and see what they are about in this section.
1. Lack of Emotional Intimacy
A woman can feel neglected if her man becomes emotionally distant:
- Not sharing his thoughts and feelings as he used to
- Not sharing problems he may be having at work
- Not asking her for her thoughts or advice
These actions show her his emotional neglect, meaning that he has distanced himself and is about to start giving her the silent treatment. She may even project her own insecurities into the situation and assume the worst – that he has made an emotional connection with someone else.
2. Not Receiving Enough Physical Affection
Physical intimacy is more than sex. It is a look, a caress, a kiss on the forehead, grabbing a hand when walking together. When these little acts of physical affection from a romantic partner fall away, most women feel neglected, even if the amount of the sex life remains consistent.
Related reading: Understanding Physical Touch Love Language
3. Not Getting Quality Time With Her Partner
A woman will feel neglected when she and her partner are no longer spending time doing things together – having date nights, going out for breakfast, or pursuing their common interests or hobbies. That’s the case if life has become a day-to-day repetition of the same separate activities – get up, go to work or school, eat dinner, watch TV or get on devices, and go to bed.
In some cases, she may think he’s cheating on her or spending all his free time with his friends instead of her.
4. Not Feeling Appreciated
The feeling of neglect may arise if her partner does not acknowledge and show appreciation for her contributions to the relationship, any sacrifices she has made, and the things that she has done for him. This lack of recognition and expressed appreciation makes a woman strongly experience emotional neglect and search for happiness with more than one partner.
For Women Who Feel Neglected: What You Can Do
When a woman feels neglected in a relationship, she has a couple of choices, and these will be based largely on her personality. We’ll range them here based on the psychological traits
If You’re an Assertive Woman
Some women are assertive and have no problem setting up a time for open communication with their partner if he is willing to have a discussion. Whenever they are feeling unimportant or face some personal issues, they have internal strength and a support network to rely on.
Once feeling emotionally neglected in a relationship, assertive women are likely to do the following:
- Openly give their partner examples of emotional neglect that has been occurring
- Explain their emotional needs and request the types of emotional support they expect
- Suggest concrete examples of how their partner can participate in the solution, such as a regular date night or other types of quality time together
- Get a commitment from their partner to make some specific changes
If You’re a Reticent Woman
Plenty of women who are feeling neglected in a relationship and not getting enough emotional or physical intimacy have low self-esteem. They are not able to approach these issues with their partner.
Here are some possible solutions to cope with emotional neglect if you cannot talk to your partner openly:
- Find some online therapy platforms and related reading sources online.
- Enter a local or online support group to share ideas on how to become more effective in self-expression when feeling rejected.
- Seek a mental health professional to deal with any underlying issues that make you timid in romantic relationships and feel overwhelmed about expressing your feelings of being neglected or ignored.
Neglect in a relationship does significant damage. Thus, seeking professional help is not something to be embarrassed about – it demonstrates emotional maturity.
The point is this: You have a right to feel valued as a partner. And being valued means that your SO gives you attention, respect, quality time, and intimacy, and is an active listener to what you say. He also displays intimacy and affection. If you are not getting this, you feel lonely, of course, and as if your feelings don’t count.
For Men: 5 Key Signs She Is Feeling Neglected
A neglected wife or partner is not a happy camper, and this will show itself in many ways. Your job is to look for symptoms and potential signs, take proactive steps to turn things around, and make sure your partner feels loved, wanted, appreciated, important, and worthy.
Dump the martial arts classes and other stuff or so much time with your friends and focus on that relationship instead if you see one of these signs:
- Negative remarks about herself: When a woman feels neglected, she may believe it is her fault because she is not attractive enough. She may begin to change her appearance, perhaps even consider plastic surgery, thinking you’ll then pay more attention to her.
- She’s always disappointed: Your woman may show signs of unhappiness, getting emotional about small things that really aren’t significant. Ask her what is wrong doesn’t help: she may cry or become angry.
- Your sex life is in serious decline: Some research suggests that sex frequency and satisfaction decline over time as a relationship endures. Some of this may actually be due to neglect in a relationship. When your partner feels neglected, she is less likely to want sex and will turn down your overtures. That’s because sex does not satisfy any of her emotional needs when she is feeling neglected in a relationship.
- She starts pulling away from you: Your neglected partner can develop her own outside interests and be away more and more. Be careful here. Those outside interests might include a relationship with other people – someone who understands and listens to her feelings and makes her feel loved. This way, your partner is getting what you are not giving.
- She no longer argues with you: It’s normal to have disagreements with significant others and for partners to make their opinions known to each other. When one person stops arguing, it’s a pretty good sign the relationship is in trouble. A neglected partner comes to believe her opinion doesn’t matter anyway, and so she has just “checked out” of her significant other’s emotional connection.
If her feelings of neglect continue for an extended period, serious damage will occur. Neglect in a relationship is nothing to play around with. The earlier you see the emotional neglect problems in your relationship, the better.
For Men Whose Partner Is Feeling Neglected: 10 Things to Do
The first step in dealing with a person who feels neglected is to recognize a problem and ask yourself why you are engaged in neglect. For example, if there was neglect in your family relationships growing up, you will not be in tune with your partner’s feelings.
But then, it’s time to act. Here are some strategies that will make a big difference in the long run, create a stronger bond, and save the relationship with your partner.
1. Consider Seeing a Couples Therapist
Acknowledge that your relationship is in trouble. If so, you may not be the person who can fix it all by yourself – and asking for help from outside is a good way to work on this situation.
Seeking help from a professional will tell your partner that you care about your relationship. Also, it’s a clear demonstration that you recognize your mutual responsibility, are ready to dedicate regular effort to fixing the situation, and want to do something about your neglect to make that relationship whole again.
2. Get Her Talking to You Again
How can you let her talk when she says she doesn’t want to? Just keep asking her about her day every day.
Here are the great questions to start:
- What did she do?
- Did anything interesting happen?
- Did she finish that big project she was working on?
And as she responds, engage in active listening. Comment so she knows you are listening to her, and don’t push if she decides to shut up again in a couple of minutes. You’ll have another chance to try talking to her from the very beginning.
Gradually, move the subject of conversation to ask her opinions. For example, tell her about your day and ask for advice on a problem at work or school. If you do this consistently, she will come to see that her feelings are important to you once again.
Related reading: 9 Signs She’s Losing Interest and Strategies on How to Win Her Back
3. Patiently Show Affection Every Day and Night
In addition to talking to her more purposefully, start showing some clear physicality signs:
- Touch her more often
- Hold her hand when you walk
- Build up to random hugs and kisses
- Make nights not always about sex – there can be playful gestures, cuddling while falling asleep, etc.
Because of your previous neglect, avoiding sex is her way to signal she doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you anymore. Those feelings will gradually change if you focus on physical affection, accompanied by words of endearment. Just don’t forget to tell her how important she is to you.
4. Respond to Her Lashing Out Differently
Often, when a woman has felt neglected, she will become annoyed with you and lash out. You cannot change it, but you can change your reaction to make her look at this situation differently.
Instead of taking this as an opportunity to begin a new argument, say, “I’m sorry that annoyed you,” and leave it at that. She will be taken aback, but it is also a sign that her feelings matter to you.
Relationships are more important than silly arguments. So be wiser – and break the vicious circle of mutual blame.
5. Start Checking in With Her During Your Time Apart
The biggest parts of feeling neglected are concerns that a partner just doesn’t care about what and how you are doing. Whether you both are at work or school, send her a quick text just to ask how her day is going. Don’t overdo it, or it will not sound genuine.
Here is how you can gradually add some words of endearment, “I was thinking about you and wondering how things are going.” “Hope you are having a good day. See you later – I love you.”
Related reading: Hours of Smiles from a 10-Second Text Message? It Can Happen!
6. Speak to Her in Her Love Language
If you do not know anything about love languages, know that everyone has a primary “language” in which they want to be and feel loved. It may be verbal expressions of love, small gifts, more quality time together, etc.
As you begin to get your partner to express her feelings about what she wants, you get to know what her love language is, and you can show your love to her in her primary language. Not that this is the only want to curb her feeling neglected, but it will go a long way.
7. Start Doing More Things Together
Your woman is feeling neglected because you don’t ever spend time with her the way you may do with your buddies or co-workers. If you want to win her back, drop some of those activities and schedule more quality time with her:
- Take up a new hobby together
- Do volunteer work together
- Have regular date nights or breakfasts out on Saturday mornings.
If you do this constantly, her feelings of emotional neglect will gradually disappear. As you spend more time together, your relationship will become much healthier again.
Related reading: Quality Time – It’s a Love Language
8. Start Expressing Appreciation and Gratitude
One part of feeling neglected is believing that you do not appreciate the things she does and some of the sacrifices she has made. If that’s the case, that needs to stop right away. If you have been in the habit of just taking things like this for granted, you’ll have to work on breaking that habit. It will take time, but your relationship is worth it.
When she watches your favorite TV show with you, even though she doesn’t especially care for it, or orders your favorite takeout, start saying thank you and how much you appreciate what she has done for you. If she gives up a night out with the girls to attend an event at work, express your gratitude.
Neglect that translates to an absence of gratitude is easily fixed with effort – it’s just words!
Related reading: Words of Affirmation – How to Make Them Into Love Language?
9. Help Her Out in Thoughtful Ways
If she is struggling with something at work and must put in some evening time, be thoughtful. Turn off the TV where she is and watch in another room. Bring her a snack. It’s these little things that show her your former neglect is ending.
You should have been doing this anyway, but if you have not pitched in equally on household chores, it is not the time to begin. A relationship is not just built on romance. It is “down and dirty” pitching in to be of help.
10. Find Some Small Promises to Make and Keep Them
Such actions can be something as simple as promising to pick up her dry cleaning or getting her car washed. Think of small promises you can make and keep. Again, it’s the small signs of neglect that you are now reversing. And again, your relationship is worth these small things.
Related reading: Putting Love into Action – It’s a Language
How to Deal With Emotional Neglect: Let’s Wrap This Up
Neglect in a relationship is a dangerous path to take. Now, it’s true that in normal relationships, partners may all exhibit neglect sometimes. But when it becomes a pattern, the relationship will fail. If you have been neglecting your partner, you’ve seen the signs of it in her behavior. Take heed.
When you turn things around, your partner not only renews her feelings of self-love (she feels valued again), you are on a solid path to relationship health.
