Does he love you, or are you just another conquest? When dealing with a skilled womanizer, it can be hard to tell as they are skilled at hiding their womanizing signs and ways. Worse, even when you realize they have a past, they can fool you into believing things will be different with you.
Don’t you deserve better than that? Consider this a crash course in recognizing and dealing with a guy who is a womanizer.
What Is a Womanizer?
A womanizer is a man who seeks out casual sexual encounters with as many women as he can, usually by using dishonest methods.
In practice, a womanizer pulls out all the stops to attract women to get them to sleep with him, including engaging in dishonesty. He may lie about past relationships, claim to be in love, and paint his previous partners as crazy liars. All of this is to manipulate women into sleeping with him. Others will simply turn on the charm.
It’s important to understand that not all men who enjoy casual sex with no strings attached are womanizers. There’s nothing inherently wrong about loving sex and wanting to have it with many other women, as long as it’s done honestly and ethically.
Related reading: What is NSA in Dating? Let Freedom Ring!
Is a Womanizer Dangerous?
Not every womanizer is dangerous, but they can be. If his behavior includes pushing boundaries or being deceitful in an intimate relationship to manipulate his partner to have sex with him, that’s definitely red-flag behavior.
12 Clear Signs He Is a Womanizer
A womanizer is often slick, sophisticated, and charming. He can talk the talk, and make you feel as if your relationship with him is the most important thing in the world. It can be difficult to see his true intentions. If you’re not sure whether your instincts are correct, here are some of the most common signs a person is a womanizer.
1. Remaining Overly Flirtatious With Everyone
Some guys are just natural flirts, however there is a line in which it becomes unacceptable. If you tend to notice that he goes around flirting with tons of other women, or that all the ladies seem to be all over him no matter where he goes it may be one of the signs that he is actively trying to entice women to come to him.
Be aware that he will work plenty hard to defend himself. He’ll tell you that he can’t help it if other women approach him. He may even gaslight you, and tell you that he’s simply being nice and that maybe you are the problem. But, you know the difference between politeness and flirting.
Related reading: Coloring the Grey Zone – Is Flirting Cheating?
2. His Past Is Unclear
He may swear up and down that he sees a future with you and convince you are wife material to him. But watch how he behaves when you ask about his past. If he suddenly becomes defensive, this should look suspicious for you, at least.
3. His Social Media Are Mostly With Other Women
What does his social media presence look like? How many of his connections there are women, and how many of them have the following characteristics:
- Single
- Pretty
- Always available to him
Be aware that his “official” presence may be pretty well scrubbed. But, he may have a Finsta and a few Facebook profiles that he had to shut down when he got caught cheating or called out for his womanizing behavior.
4. No Attempts to Get to Know You
When you first started dating he was so charming and wanted to know about your life. But if now he acts bored when you bring things about you up and you catch him paying attention to his phone rather than you, you’re likely dealing with a womanizer.
That’s because his feigned interest was all lies. Now that he is out of the honeymoon phase of dating, he can drop the act. And, he probably will because it’s too easy to keep up the facade.
5. Being Secretive
Secrecy can come in many ways:
- You ask him about his family, and he immediately starts talking about something else
- You instinctively reach for his phone when it dings, and he snatches it up like his life depends on keeping it from you.
Sure, not everyone feels comfortable sharing their life with others. Still, there’s a difference between between private and having a fear of getting caught cheating.
6. His Closest People Don’t Get to Know You
People who are close to him may want to get to know you. However, they don’t want to waste their time if he has a history of bringing back as many women as he can, only staying with them for a short period, and then dumping them as if they were nothing. Then they unfortunately aren’t able to see you as their partner but instead as just another woman he pulled in.
7. He Seems Perfect on Paper
A guy can’t enjoy his life of conquests if he doesn’t bring anything to the table. On paper, a womanizer is charming, a great family man, an amazing friend, well-employed, and has money to spare.
He doesn’t just look great on paper, he’s almost too perfect. It’s like he has an answer for everything, and his personal history is just curated to a tee.
8. Your Friends Give You Warnings
It can be hard to see through an act when you are smitten and charmed out of your pants (literally). Fortunately, your friends and family may see things that you don’t.
If your closest people warn you, try to listen to them. If the man you are dating discourages you from spending time with your pals or advises you to ignore their advice, he could be a womanizer or even worse.
9. He Says “I Love You” Very Quickly
If a man wants to sleep with you, he may jump right to “I love you”. Sometimes, these are deliberate lies he tells so that you’ll believe he has truly fallen for you. Sometimes, he even convinces himself that he has these deep feelings for you.
It doesn’t matter what his motivation is, hearing “I love you” on Day One is a warning sign. Put the brakes on, or at least proceed with caution. There may be many other women he’s also in love with.
10. He Doesn’t Have Any Female Friends
If he believes that women are for fun and sexual conquest, he may not respect them enough to be friends. With female friends, a man shows he can focus on something that is not about sexualization in a relationship. He sees them as people with opinions, interests, and needs.
If he only sees them as people to sleep with, he won’t ever consider having one of them as a friend. In fact, a lack of women as friends is a pretty clear sign that he has a low opinion of the opposite sex.
11. Refusing to Visit the Same Place Twice
A womanizer will cheat, play on the emotions of women, and have very little respect for a committed relationship when he wants his next conquest. After you date him for a few months, you may find that he has left behind a string of angry exes, jilted boyfriends/husbands, bad breakups, and drama.
This happens because he is constantly on the move in a social sense. He probably won’t have a hangout spot and will change where he takes you on date nights. There’s a good chance that he doesn’t want his sketchy history catching up to him.
12. Exes With Low Self Esteem
Some men who are womanizers choose partners with low self-worth. They know that these women are less likely to stand up for themselves and more likely to ignore red flags. Often, their low opinion extends to other women as well. This makes them particularly susceptible to tactics used by guys who take part in conquest culture.
Related reading: What Is Self-Reliance?
How to Deal With a Womanizer: 4 Final Tips
Now that you understand you’re dealing with a womanizer, here are some tips on how to navigate this. If you want to try to reform a womanizer and turn them into a loyal partner, read on.
1. Confront the Issues
“Tell the truth. All the time. About everything. What’s an alternative to radical honesty? Waste. Wasted time, wasted money, wasted possibilities – a wasted life.”
Brad Blanton, psychotherapist, author
You will not achieve a positive resolution here without radical honesty, and you need to demand the same honesty of him. Now you know what he is, and how he views his relationships with women. How does that align with what you want out of life?
Some women don’t mind having a partner who is in a relationship with more than one woman or who prioritizes sex over romantic connections. But, it’s time to lay the cards on the table. He needs to know that you know, and all the issues caused by his womanizing behaviors should be resolved.
2. Staying Together? Ground Rules and Expectations
You may decide to stay with the womanizer, and that’s okay. Maybe that’s for amazing sex, compatibility, or mutual lack of interest for a committed relationship.
If that’s the case, it’s time to lay down some ground rules that emphasize respect, honesty, safety, and good sense, such as:
- He can’t expect you to follow any relationship rules that don’t also apply to him
- STI testing and protection are not optional
- Both of you agree to be honest about other relationships
If the two of you feel genuine affection towards one another and are interested in a relationship that emphasizes honesty and respect – consider ethical non-monogamy. It may be a healthier approach for both of you.
3. Suggest That He Seek Outside Help
Let’s be clear. The womanizer is responsible for his behaviors and what drives them. It’s his job to work through whatever fear, trauma, emotions, or personality issues that lead him to seek validation by having sex with as many women as possible.
That said, you might encourage him to seek help from a therapist or other qualified mental health professional. On the outside, a womanizer often seems cocky and sure of himself. In reality, many struggle with poor self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and loneliness. Worse, they often surround themselves with male friends encouraging his less-than-healthy behavior because they see him as the fun guy that all the women pay attention to.
4. End The Relationship
“Saying a womaniser loves women is like saying a fighter ace loves his kills.”
Wayne Gerard Trotman, writer
You can’t fix or reform a womanizer unless he decides he wants to change his behavior. If he is cheating or constantly flirting with other women then he has shown you that he doesn’t want to change. Take his word for it. Then, if you want a partner who is fully loyal to your relationship, break up with him. Go find a dating partner who wants what you want in the long run.
Rest assured that you are not responsible for his reaction. He may swear that he would have changed for you. He may gaslight you and deny everything that you know about him. Then again, he might be relieved that your recognized him for who he is, and that you decided to let him go back to his chosen lifestyle.
