The Art and Skill of Making Love

Love & Sex
26 Dec 2022
10 min read
What is Making Love All About?

When it comes to carnal acts of pleasure, there are two main ways we can describe sex. You are either making love or having sex. But is there a difference between the two?

Technically, sex is both an art and a skill, with the end goal being an orgasm. However, making love and having sex vary in the technique that a couple uses. This article will describe what making love is and whether you are doing it right.

What Does Making Love Mean?

While the term still describes sex, making love defines a technique that is intentional, more romantic and intimate, and in some cases, spiritual. Making love is the physical expression of love between emotionally connected partners.

‘Making love’ might be used as a euphemism in certain circles that think the word ‘sex’ is too crass. This logic tends to develop a moral hierarchy around making love and sexuality. This would mean that sex is only valuable when it’s between people who are romantically tied. This argument might not hold water in our current society.

Related reading: How to Be a Better Lover – Inside and Out

On the other hand, sex is described as a purely physical act with minimal emotional connections. As Dr. Shannon Chavez, psychologist and sex therapist, states, the main advantage of loveless sex is “feeling more free to express oneself sexually and experiment in this arrangement, gaining greater sexual satisfaction.” Simply put, sex without love lets you both concentrate on the sexual side of your relationship only.

While both sex and making love tend to involve the same sexual behaviors, acts, and connections, we cannot ignore the difference between the two: intention. Other than sexual pleasure, partners also strive to establish an emotional connection with each other by having intercourse.

Can You Tell the Difference Between Making Love and Having Sex?

Suppose your current relationship is based on casual sex and hookups. In that case, you might not be able to tell the difference between making love and sex. This is because the only aim of your hookup is orgasm.

However, it is possible to tell if someone is making love to you and whether he’s enjoying it too. Below are the tell-tale signs that you can watch out for before, during, and after sexual intercourse;

1. He is Relaxed

He is always very smooth with his actions, and things never get awkward when you spend time with him. He has an aura of relaxed, casual confidence, even when you are in compromising situations.

2. Deep Connection and Conversation

Your sexual intercourse was a result of emotional connection and conversation. Making love involves forming a deep and meaningful bond.

3. He Keeps His Gaze on You

He will maintain eye contact throughout the entire time. Sustained eye contact during sex is another way men express how they are feeling to someone they love. It also signifies that he cares about establishing a physical and emotional bond with you.

When he kisses a lot, that's a sign of love making

4. He Will Kiss You A Lot

Kissing is a very pleasurable experience, and it can be sexual and intimate at the same time. When making love, there are often a lot of gentle, soft kisses. This is how lovers communicate during sex.

A lot of kissing is involved before, after, and during sex. They hold you closely during and after sex and are very delicate and affectionate in how they touch you when they make love.

5. They Take Time

They are never in a rush. Instead, they pay attention to your whole body, even to the parts you are insecure about. They take the time to appreciate your body.

They are more concerned about giving an orgasm or receiving it mutually. They are not selfish lovers.

6. Verbal Communication

They will tell you romantic stuff and words of affirmation during sex and also say how much they love you.

They will constantly check in on you during sex. They will continuously check to see whether you are okay and whether you are having a good time. They will never intentionally hurt you during sex.

If he enjoys making love, you’ll find that he is attentive. He will ask what you like and prefer in bed, and he listens and acts on it.

7. He Respects Your Boundaries

He holds your boundaries in high regard, whether you communicate them before or during sex. He never tries to push your boundaries when making love; he will stop if you ask him to. He does not coerce you into things you don’t want to do during sex.

8. He Showers You with Wholesome Affection

They will always praise you during love making, and their verbal affirmations transcend your physical body. He praises your personality and not just your body or sexual prowess.

Instead of withdrawing and falling asleep, they will cuddle you after sex. Casual sex can involve all these things, but the only way you can tell is if someone tells you how they feel.

9. He Does Not Rush Penetration

If penetration is not his immediate goal, then that is a sign he enjoys love making with you. He will take his sweet time to build up sexual tension and make you wait for it before he takes you to bed.

10. He is Concerned for Your Well-Being

When a man is truly in love with you, he will take a genuine concern for your sexual health. He will always take the initiative to bring his protection and will inquire about your options.

11. He Slows Down

Although rough sex is pleasurable and fun, every once in a while, he will slow into a romantic pace when making love. This is because he loves being physically intimate with you. The sex tends to be slow, emotional, and romantic, not just dirty and sexy.

The hands make the difference

12. His Hands Do the Talking

If a guy thinks a woman is special and precious, they will make a conscious effort to express it. His hands will cover your body during sex, and their touches are tender and intimate. Touch is not just on the sexual parts. They hold your hands, touch your cheeks, and are generous with body kisses.

13. He’s in the Moment

When a man is intentional about having sex with a woman, he becomes fully present and focused. He never glances at his watch or keeps checking the door when making love. In addition, he will not talk about unrelated topics to the experience you’re sharing.

14. He Is Willing to Try New Things When Making Love

A man who loves you allows himself to be vulnerable around you. As such, he is up to trying new sexual experiences, such as changing the scenery and new sex positions, and he is open to sex toys.

This is a sign that they feel safe and supported in their vulnerability. Trust is a big deal when it comes to love making.

15. It’s Easier for Women to Open Up During Sex

When you both enjoy making love, it becomes easier to open up and be free, and you’re safe to be yourself. This means you can open up and moan and are free to ask for what you want when making love.

16. You’ll Orgasm

Not every sex encounter results in an orgasm, especially for women. But when you have sex with intentionally invested men, you can be sure your mind will be blown, and not just once. Such selfless lovers are committed to your orgasm. They will put in the time and energy to ensure you have a mind-shattering orgasm when making love.

17. He Doesn’t Leave Immediately After He’s Done

After a love making experience comes to an end, he doesn’t get up and leave. He does not rush to get dressed or look at his phone. Instead, he will hold you, and you both enjoy each other’s company and discuss your feelings.

18. Pillow Talk

When you make love, he’ll stay around and initiate pillow talk. The conversations flow easily, and they are great. Conversing after sex while basking in your sex glow is a sure sign that you are forming a deeper connection on higher emotional levels.

19. Feedback

When a person is truly interested in being physically intimate with you, he will always ask about your feelings afterward. He wants to know whether you had a good time and what your highlights were. He wants to learn more about you sexually so he will know how to pleasure you more.

20. He Makes Plans

When a man values the intimacy you share, he will act on it. They will make plans to connect with you again. He always wants to see you again, and he cares about the bond you share.

How to Make Passionate Love

The difference between making love and just sex goes beyond the sexual acts involved. See what you can do to ensure you have the passionate sex you desire and deserve.

Step 1. Make Sure You’re Emotionally Connected to Your Partner before Sex

The art of making love starts before you get to bed. It is important to create an emotional attachment with your partner that you can lean into. A significant part of this stage is understanding your feelings for a person. This way, it becomes easier to express them through intimacy.

Step 2. Understand Their Intimacy Needs

When you spend more time outside the bedroom, you get to learn more about your partner and their wants and needs. Talking about sex while not engaging in sexual acts will tremendously improve the quality of your sex life.

Ask them how they would want to be loved, and then go apply it when you make love. Such conversations help to set the mood better than candles and rose petals.

Step 3. Learn Their Romantic Preferences

There are different aspects of romance. It’s important that partners should communicate openly about sex and romance. This will create a deeper bond, and the other partner will also know what’s expected of them. Learn what romance means to them and to you too. For example, is it cuddles and kissing, or is it candle-lit bedrooms and roses? Once you talk about it, it becomes easier to do.

Step 4. Take Your Time

Passionate sex is neither rushed nor is it under pressure. Take your time and explore your bodies, kiss each other with passion, and look into each other’s eyes. And give sensual touches and caresses. Oral sex is a great foreplay act that should get the party started.

Step 5. Let Your Hands Explore

Not every sexual activity should focus on the genitals. So, allow yourself to explore your partner’s body parts and find other erogenous zones. Experiment with different speeds and pressure to evoke sexual pleasure and to make them feel good, and your partner will be yearning for you.

Step 6. Eye Gazing

This tantric sex practice allows you to gaze into each other’s eyes for several minutes without talking. This act allows you to be emotionally vulnerable and establish a meaningful bond with each other. In such a moment, you don’t require words to communicate what you’re feeling.

Take time and appreciate the partner in front of you, your sexuality, and your emotions. Then, look back at what you’re feeling towards your partner and your relationship.

“Mindfulness helps us to be more aware of the physical sensations we experience.”

Chelom E. Leavitt, expert in sexual mindfulness

This practice is amazing for married couples who are trying to recreate their romantic space. It also helps them make an emotional and sexual connection. It is essential to constantly practice the art of making love in married life. It allows you to love passionately and appreciate sex more.

Learn How to Set the Mood

Making love does require an effort, especially when you’re trying to set the mood. Assume it’s an act from a movie scene right before a sex scene.

The lights are dimmed, soft music is playing, and the doors are locked. You should put in a similar, if not more, effort. Clean up beforehand and light a scented candle.

Dress the part and put on your favorite pair of sexy lingerie that makes you feel good and confident. Also, don’t forget to dab on a little perfume.

Such deliberate acts show your partner that you enjoy making love to them, and it assures them of your feelings.

Related reading: The Making of a Sexual Goddess

Enjoy Your Next Night Together

Mastering the art of making love is an easy feat that guarantees bliss in your life. Being with selfish or incompetent lovers might make you feel like you have sexual dysfunction. However, understanding the process and emotions involved helps you see past the superficiality of casual flings. This also makes it easier to find a partner who values and understands the skill of making love.

Love&Sex Expert
Cherie Hamilton
I’ve always been inspired by women who are outgoing, very sure of themselves, and not afraid to be who they were, including their sex lives. Under their tutelage, I gradually shed my old self, hung out and socialized with them, and, over time, became the empowered, self-confident, and sexual woman I am today. Happy to share my insights with other women today!
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