Should You Kiss on the First Date?

Dating 101
13 Apr 2023
8 min read
Can I Kiss on the First Date?

The first date is always such a gamble, and you never know whether you’ll see the other person again. So, is it a missed opportunity if you don’t go for the first date kiss?

Indeed, never knowing you’ll see the other person again is anxious. You may want to take it all – and end your first date with a kiss. But is it the right thing to do? Read this if you don’t know what to do with a kissing thing at the end of first date night.

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When Should You Initiate Intimacy?

People have different views and opinions about intimacy, but only you can decide how to end your date: the first date kiss or a hug? The main rules are simple: don’t be in a hurry and ensure that everything goes well and you both have a good night.

Is Kiss on First Date a Measure of Chemistry?

One of the easiest ways to gauge the chemistry between you both is by kissing. If you feel aligned and your date seems comfortable around you, kissing will help clarify the potential of your date. You’ll get an accurate indication of whether it inclines more toward romance or a platonic relationship.

If the kiss turns out to be horrible, this is often considered as a matter of sexual incompatibility. According to psychology, some people use the first date kiss to evaluate their dating goals and values. Some people kissed on the first date, while others waited until the fourth date. While willingness to kiss on first date is a clear sign of chemistry, it doesn’t mean it will reveal itself only there.

“Is there such a thing as “incompatible” sex drive? A couple can have differences in their level of libido, expectations, and preferences, but in my opinion, that doesn’t mean they have sexual incompatibility. As a sex therapist, I have found that interest, willingness, and connection between two people, a healthy sexual relationship among them is the matter of learning about one other, communicating needs.”

Antonieta Contreras, LCSW, Clinical Social Worker

Are You Both Comfortable?

Building towards a kiss during a date should be a natural and seamless progression. Do not think about it as something that must be accomplished at the end of the first date. Instead, have fun during dinner and the movie, and if you both end up having a great time, you might just share the perfect kiss.

When you’re both having a good time and the conversation is flowing nicely, then little acts of intimacy, like gentle brushes, hand-holding, and leaning in during conversation, might seem natural for you.

Of course, people will have different comfort levels in their dating life. So, keep physical affection to a minimum. This is because it creates a false sense of closeness, thus clouding your judgment. In such a case, physical intimacy is preserved for the second or third date.

A first date is a space that allows you to gauge mutual interest in one another while trying to establish fundamental compatibility. You should not let desire overrun the ability to measure your compatibility.

First kiss on first dates: What does it mean?

What Does a First Date Kiss Mean?

Technically, kissing is a sign of chemistry between two people. However, it’s also a dating vetting process that most people rely on to determine how they would get along with a person.

It’s not a big deal if a guy doesn’t kiss you on the first date. It might signal that he’s shy or reserved, and he might lay one on you on the second date. But if you get a first date kiss, you could learn three important things from it.

1. How Your Date Cares for Themselves

I.    Hygiene – By kissing, you know how much they care about grooming. Nobody wants to date someone with chapped lips and dodgy breath, and a kiss on the first date might help you dodge that bullet.

II.    Diet and hydration – If you go out with someone, it is important that your eating plans and habits coincide. Kissing on the first date gives you a sense of their feeding habits. In addition, if they have a dry mouth, they need to hydrate more.

III.    State of mind – Not many people know this, but your mouth can tell a lot about what’s going on in your head. A stale breath odor is often an indicator of stress, anxiety, or insecurity. It could also mean a person is not getting enough sleep. Since anxiety is natural and expected for a first date, a breath mint won’t solve anything.

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2. How They Might Care for You

IV.    Generosity – Generally, if the first kiss feels playful, tender, exciting, and warm, your date clearly cares for your enjoyment. As a bonus, they are more likely to extend their generosity to the bedroom.

V.    Appreciation – Seeing the affection in someone’s eyes is possible. If both their eyes and smiles are bright, you can be assured that they are happy to share that moment with you. This means that you had a great first date, and kissing on a first date will not feel weird or forced.

VI.    Tuned-in – Regardless of whether you’re on a first or fifth date, you can tell from the kisses how involved they get in a relationship. It’s a good sign when your date is an active participant during your first date kiss. This means they care about the connection you share and want to be actively involved in it. While some are happy to follow your lead, others might opt to engage in a little side chat to ensure you are also having fun.

VII.    Self-involved – It’s a bad sign when you kiss on a first date and they are aloof at the moment. It’s highly likely that you’re not their priority. They would rather be doing something else or be somewhere else.

VIII.    Stingy – It’s always a red flag when kissing on the first date feels stiff and swift. If they don’t bother to take it slow or care for your enjoyment, this selfish attitude will also likely reflect in the bedroom. Such a type of behavior is likely to make a person feel undervalued and frustrated.

3. How You Might Care for One Another

A healthy relationship is a give-and-take situation, and the first date kiss will help establish your compatibility.

IX.    Chemistry – Kissing is the first gauge for physical chemistry and compatibility. It will give you an insight into what to expect from other aspects of the relationship. So if you can feel your toes curling or you can see the stars when you kiss, you are more likely to have a similar experience in the bedroom.

X.    Passion – How long a kiss lasts and how much intensity is applied says a lot about the kisser. If they only go for a peck or kiss you on the cheek, then they might not be as lusty or just don’t prefer kissing. However, a person who kisses you deeply, pulls you closer to them, and is playful with their mouth can be accurately described as a passionate lover.

When Do You Make the First Move?

When you’re on a first date, it’s very important to pay attention to the body language of your partner. This will help you decide whether your date is interested in a kiss or whether they would kiss you back.

Some of the tell-tale signs of someone who wants to kiss you will include:

  • They will keep staring at your lips. While eye contact is just as essential while on a date, regularly glancing at your partner’s lips will help you send the message. If they want to kiss on the first date, they will bite their lip or play with their hair.
  • Find a way to gently touch your partner as you talk. It doesn’t have to be intimate or creepy. Instead, you want to show that you feel comfortable around them.
  • Pay attention to whether they reciprocate your touches. If they are interested in you, they will match your actions. However, always respect a person’s boundaries, and do not continue to touch them if they seem uncomfortable. First dates can be a little overwhelming, so try not to pile on.
Kiss with no rules!

There Are No Rules

When it comes to the kiss on the first date, there are no solid rules or guidelines to it. A person is advised to read the room and listen to your gut. If you feel your kiss will be reciprocated, then go for it.

There are many revolving factors about kissing on a first hangout, such as the weather, location, or time. Some might help set the mood, while others will just make it awkward. However, you can sharpen your kiss instincts by going out more and meeting new people often.

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How to Go in for a Kiss on the First Date

The first kiss sets the pace for your relationship, so it would be wise to put some thought and effort into it. Here are a few pointers that should help you execute your first-time kiss:

  • If you’re going to kiss a person on a date, wait till the end. Focusing on one thing at a time will help you stay present during your date. An hour-long coffee date will give you a bit of time to prepare for your kiss on a first date. If kissing on a first date might lead to sex, then you won’t be left wondering where to take things.
  • Pick somewhere private. Find a middle ground where there aren’t many people but not too secluded. Be decided on a simple location, such as your car or on their porch.
  • Unless your date is playing hard to get, they will linger a little even after you say goodbye and wait for you to make the first move.
  • Get consent – This is very important, especially if the guy plans on taking things slow. Consent doesn’t have to ruin the moment, and it shows you respect your partner. If their answer is no, don’t try to persuade them otherwise.
  • Make eye contact and lean in closer. If you’re hoping to kiss on the first date, then this will cue the partner of your intention.

Everything Will Be Fine!

A kiss on a first date is always considered magical. It is a sign that everything went great and that there’s chemistry between you. It’s natural if you’re wondering whether you’re going to lock lips after the date, but the thought should not overwhelm you or make you anxious.


Dating Tips Author
Shelly Standford
After a devastating relationship breakup, I threw myself into the dating scene by registering on Hily. I had over 100 dates - some absolute disasters, some pretty average, and some that were actually great. So many stories to tell and insights to share with you guys!

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