It just happens. We settle into a partnership and into a routine. We kiss goodbye as we leave for school or work; we may even kiss hello when we both get back home; we cook and eat our meals together; we often talk about our day or spend time watching TV in the evenings. And we still have sex, of course. But we still wonder how to spice up a relationship because everything is so damn predictable.
We may be asking ourselves, “Is this all there is?” Do we find ourselves thinking back to the time when our love was new? Remember how it was:
- We couldn’t keep our eyes off each other
- We displayed physical affection in public and in private
- We sent text messages to each other throughout our days, even from across the room
- We spent quality time together as much as possible
- We stopped in the middle of cooking dinner to have sex.
In short, we had intimate moments, whether together or apart. How do you get that back? The answer is in knowing how to spice up a relationship. And, in case you haven’t really thought about that much, here is a pretty long list of ways to do just that. Let us share it with you now!
7 Easy Everyday Ways to Spice Up a Relationship
These are pretty budget-friendly ways, and they don’t require a lot of effort or time. Take a look at this list and see which are doable – most of them are and will spice things up a bit.
1. Honor Your Partner’s Love Language
If you’ve not heard about the five love languages, it’s time to learn now. Here’s a short video that explains them. In short, of these love languages, your partner has a preferred way of being shown love. Your job is to figure out which is their preferred love language and show your love in that way. Here’s a quick synopsis of these love languages:
Verbal Affirmation
Your partner wants to hear you say the words, “I love you,” “You are so important to me,” and “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Say them often and you will be making new memories at home and elsewhere.
Related reading: Words of Affirmation – How to Make Them Into Love Language?
Quality Time
Spending time with your partner and giving total and undivided attention, simply talking over breakfast in a small coffee shop or a quiet romantic dinner one evening a week (at home or out) can do wonders for your relationship. And it might just do wonders in the bedroom too. Try to spend quality time with your partner once or twice a week and watch how it will spice up your relationship.
Related reading: Quality Time – It’s a Love Language
Physical Touch
You may have a partner who kinda melts when you show physical affection, both in private and public. This can relate to making things hot in sex, of course, but it also relates to handholding, caressing your partner’s hair, hugging, and any kind of touch that is lovingly given. when you remember that physical touch is important, you’ll do it more often.
Related reading: Understanding Physical Touch Love Language
Acts of Service
Some people see the expression of love in their partner doing special things for them, without any prompting. You may find that when you take on some chores, have dinner ready, or even bring home takeout so no one has to cook. Maybe wash, dry, and fold all of the laundry while they are out with friends.
Related reading: Putting Love into Action – It’s a Language
Receiving Gifts
These don’t refer to extravagant surprises like a trip. Instead, they refer to little tangible gifts that’ll ignite delight and can serve to set up a more intense connection between the two of you. Perhaps you wrap up a new sex toy to spice things up; maybe you send lunch to them at work; or even stop by on the way home and pick up their favorite candy bar or another fun surprise. When you keep up a regular routine of this small gift-giving, you will be surprised by how it will spice up your relationship.
Related reading: The Love Language of Gift Giving
2. Change Up the Bedroom
This is a simple but effective way to spice up your relationship. Remember when you and your partner have stayed in a hotel? There’s something special about that different environment that promotes great sex. Perhaps you try a new position; maybe you find new and creative ways to turn each other on.
Why not try some of the same things in your own bedroom? You could change the colors of the lights; you could change to new sheets or pillows; you could add chocolates or a rose on those pillows; maybe place some gender-neutral toys on the bed that you can use on yourselves or each other. If you do this secretly, before your partner goes into the bedroom for the night, all the better to spice up a relationship and an amazing night.
3. Use the Bathroom Mirror
If you get up before your partner, make a habit of leaving flirty messages on the mirror. If you get ready for bed before your partner does, leave a message that indicates you are ready for some hot sex once they come in. Way to build up the sexual tension and improve your sex life.
4. Change Out Your Dress
It’s become a habit to schlep up your dress when you are just around during the dress. And, once you get home from work, all you want to do is get out of those work clothes and into something much more comfortable. Likewise on the weekends when you have no plans, you do want to be in your most casual clothes. And that’s fine.
But what if you cough up some money for some sexier casuals – a revealing muscle shirt and tighter shorts or sweats, a low-cut top that shows your cleavage, and shorts or tightly fitting stretch pants that show off your butt? Being in sexy clothing while you do everyday household things can be a huge turn-on and certainly jump-start your sex life at an unusual time – just another way to spice up your relationship.
5. Watching Porn or Sharing Erotic Literature
Here’s an intimate date night that the two of you can have just by yourselves at home. Get into some sexy underwear (or nothing at all), cozy up, and watch some porn or read erotic literature to each other. This might very well spice up your relationship in new ways, as you come up with exciting ideas for new positions and new places and decide that just sex in the normal and boring ways can be tossed out in favor of a new pleasure roadmap. And this new sexual connection may well lead to an emotional attachment you haven’t felt in a long time.
Related reading: Want Some Spice? Add a Sexual Surprise to Your Sex Life
6. Making Messages a Priority
Remember when your love was new? Even after that first date? You sent texts to each other just to flirt. And after you had been dating for a while, and your love was new, you were heavily into sending flirty and sexy messages day and night, whether apart or even in the same room. What happened? You settled into a life of a mundane relationship that is comfortable but certainly nothing like what you once had.
Rekindle that excitement. Start sending those sexy messages again. Hand write one or two and put them in your partner’s pocket or purse. Send a text or two while they are at work or school. If they are sitting across the room from you, shoot one off that tells them how sexy they look right now and how much you want them.
You can even be humorous with your messages. After all, laughing together is a great way to spice up your relationship.
7. Mix It Up in Bed
Your sex life can become pretty mundane – foreplay, position, and even the aftermath. Here are just a few ideas:
- Engage in your own fantasies about sex. Ask your partner to do the same. Then share them. Once shared, agree on some you will try.
- If most of your sex is at night, when you are both tired from a long day, switch it up. Have sex in the morning before your day starts.
- Make a hotel reservation. Order room service and your favorite beverages. If you can afford it, get a suite with a jacuzzi.
- Experiment with new positions, after watching some of them on porn or in an illustrated book.
- Have sex in places other than your bedroom – outside on a warm night, on the living room floor, etc.
- Lengthen the foreplay. Talk to each other about what you each enjoy most.
- Talk dirty to each other before, during, and after sex.
- Try some role-playing. This can be a bit kinky but fun – teacher-student, doctor-patient, etc.
If you both believe that you are struggling to put more pizzazz into your sex life, find a good sex coach who can help you work through any issues you may have. Getting back to a satisfying sex life can be a major relationship saver. And read this article for more suggestions.
6 Non-Everyday Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship
There are lots of things you can do randomly and at intervals that can work to re-kindle your emotional attachment. Take a look at this list and see which ones are feasible as you think about how to spice up a relationship with someone you love.
1. Change Out Your Date Night
Date nights are important for relationships. Couples should plan and schedule them regularly, so they have some quality time together on a regular basis.
But the same date nights over and over again do nothing to spice up your relationship. Face it. Going to the same few restaurants or clubs over and over does nothing to spice things up. It’s time to switch locations. Consider a few of the following based on your and your partner’s interests:
- re-create your first date as closely as you can.
- have a painting and beer/wine night – find one near you or do it online
- gather some of your best friends and do an escape room event
- go to an amusement park, ride the rides, and eat junk food
- go to a winery, take a tour, and have a tasting exploration
- Take a dinner cruise
- Try a food garden event in the warm weather. In addition to food trucks, many have a stage with live bands
- Go fishing, rock climbing, parasailing, or ziplining
For a large list of date ideas, check out this article. The point here is to find new things that both of you will enjoy, including new romantic or fun dates. It’s a win-win for you and your partner.
Related reading: 29 Exciting Long-Distance Date Ideas
2. Vacations
We usually think of vacations as lengthier times when we both have a week or two off of work or school and plan a trip for that time.
But vacations can be long or short. If you want to stay spontaneous, book a weekend getaway and surprise your partner with it. Just tell them in advance to clear out their weekend.
Take a train ride for a two-day excursion and enjoy the scenery as you go.
Take a road trip to somewhere you have never been. Do a little research for places you know both of you will enjoy. Again, make it a surprise.
These little surprises can spark exciting romantic feelings in people’s relationships. Just be certain that each surprise little trip will have a destination you know your partner likes.
3. Make a New Tradition or Two
Little things can become important to partners as they move through the years. And yet they come to largely ignore them. Maybe it’s time to re-kindle a spark and make a large connection based on some of the milestones during your partnership or marriage. Think about some of those milestones and see how you can create traditions. Here are a few examples:
- What was the date you first met? And where was that? Decide that you will celebrate the beginning of your new relationship in some way every year.
- When was the first time you had sex? If you can remember, make that an anniversary to celebrate each year with a relationship renewal of some exciting romance and sex, maybe in an extravagant hotel.
- What other milestones have you had during your relationship? Set a date to celebrate each of them in some special way. If you have as many of them as possible, it helps partners concentrate on the good and romantic times.
4. Take a Course Together
If you are looking for how to spice up a relationship, you may want to focus on romance and sex. Most people do. But a relationship is far more than just this. It is based on open communication, facing real-life situations together, and finding intimacy and togetherness in many places.
One of those may just be pursuing some personal growth together. This can be a perfect no-stress environment to have intellectual and emotional intimacy in your relationship. And that intimacy can often translate into making you a better lover too. Remember, your partner is also your best friend, and that is an intimacy that cannot be equaled.
5. Volunteer Together
Pick a cause that both of you have a passion for. Perhaps you are both animal lovers; possibly you have a passion for helping the poor or children who are struggling in school. Do you both have an abiding concern for the environment or a particular political cause?
When the two of you support a cause together, your relationship becomes not just stronger, but more intimate.
6. Consider Meditative Practice
This may sound a bit weird to you, but it can be a premium quality boost to relationships. Think about it for a minute. Both of you have stress in your days; you may have disagreements; sometimes one or the other of you has family or health issues. All of these things detract from your peace and do affect your relationship.
You both need a method to de-stress and to get back to a state of being and mind that will let you focus on your relationship. Yoga or another form of body and mind-calming practice can leave you both peaceful and ready to make your relationship accountable to one another.
And it’s just important to keep your mind and body safe from the outside stressors that can impact your mental and physical health.
Let’s Recap
If you are wondering how to spice up a relationship, you have so many options before you. First of all, remember this: there is no perfect relationship and there is no fool proof solution. Every relationship is unique, and it is best that you analyze yours before you choose any of these. The best tip? Begin by talking with your partner about the need to re-kindle the pizzazz you once had and what each of you can do to accomplish that. Agree on which of these tips are doable and will actually help spice up your relationship. Then go beyond the talking and commit to them. Eventually, you’ll be glad you did.
