Sep 23, 2021
7 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist

Photo by Candice Picard on Unsplash 

Dating app profiles are flooded with tons of self-obsessed pics. We all know that people tend to inflate their status, achievements, even personalities online. 

So, if someone you’re seeing posts one too many selfies, does that make them a narcissist? If a person talks constantly about themselves on your first date, should you be concerned? Well, often we fail to see our date’s true nature until it’s a bit too late. 

In this blog post, we explore how to recognize that you are dating someone you probably should say goodbye to. Here is the thing, the word narcissist that most people tend to throw around is just a tad different from a mental health condition that bears a similar name. We all care about people’s mental wellness, so if someone has the signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD they should seek professional help. 

We are here to talk about the extremely selfish behavior that does not take into account people’s feelings and emotions. Recognizing a narcissist when you are in love with one may be easier said than done. Please don’t get us wrong, we all at some time may exhibit traits that fall on a narcissistic spectrum, but that doesn’t mean all of us are narcissists. 

There is no way to diagnose someone’s health condition just by reading a checklist online. But, if the person you are seeing has similar traits, you probably should take another look at your relationship. Without further ado, here are the red flags to look out for as well as the tips on how to approach and resolve the situation. 

  1. They charmed the socks off you

The romance of a century. A fairy tale comes true. Love at first sight. Sound familiar? If it’s too good to be true, it probably is. Relationship experts call the tactic love bombing: you know, when the person constantly calls, texts, checks up on you and it seems like they care way too much too soon. Often, they will talk about your compatibility, how perfect you are for each other even before you get on a serious level. Come to think about it, even before you get on any level. 

Something to be wary of is the fact that narcissists think they can only date those that are worthy of their time and attention. So the moment you do something that ruins their perfect image of you, the fairy tale comes to a crushing end. 

A word of advice from our team. Be extremely cautious when it comes to people coming off super strong in the early stages of your relationship. We all want love, but true love takes time.

  1. They lack empathy

Empathy is an emotion narcissists lack. Essentially, they have little ability to feel it. It may sound odd to you reading this, but a partner that has little emotion when it comes to your pain is likely a narcissist. In fact, narcissists are horrible at reading people’s emotions. 

They often hurt people with words or actions without even realizing it. Yes, to them it is not a big deal. They are far too self-centered to understand that they may have hurt someone.

  1. They frequently change friends

One of the sure signs you could be dating a narcissist is the fact they don't have true friends. In many cases, they do not have any long-term friends at all. Have you noticed that most of their close relationships do not last longer than a couple of weeks, months at best? Well, narcissistic people have the ability to chop friends out of their life super easily. They quite honestly throw them out of their life forever. This is due to the lack of empathy we mentioned above. Their ability to form long-lasting meaningful relationships is non-existent.

  1. They never apologize

If a narcissist tells you a story, they will likely be either the victim or the hero - never in between. This means, they never feel guilty for their behavior. They simply do not see anything wrong with what they have done or said. So, hearing sorry from them is like seeing pigs fly. It is very unlikely to happen. So, if you are dating someone who never sees a problem in themselves during an argument, never apologizes for offending or hurting your feelings, that is a big red flag.

If your partner does not listen to you, ignores you when arguing, does not take responsibility for their actions, never compromises - then it is time to move on. Although ending your relationship may be the best option for you, try to do it in a way that is less detrimental to your mental wellbeing. Arguing with a narcissist will drive you mad as they will never admit to their wrongdoing, and quite frankly never ever apologize for their part in the failure of your relationship. Keep in mind that people in a good partnership recognize each other’s feelings and address any issues head on, apologizing for actions that caused the rift in the first place. 

  1. They ALWAYS need your attention

Ever notice how they command attention in the room? That is because a narcissist will always seek out a victim that will pay attention to them at all times. They have an incessant need for  validation from other people. That emotional void doesn't fill itself, so they seek compliments to hear others say how great they are.

  1. The only flaws are yours

A partner that exhibits narcissist traits will have a tendency to put you down. Instead of praising you, they will see your flaws and multiply them. A narcissist will point out everything they think is wrong with you or your relationship. They will make it about you, never about themselves. To put it simply, they will build themselves up at your expense, and they never see any wrongdoing in their actions. 

  1. They avoid defining your relationship

If you just started dating then this is likely no big deal to you. But if you have been seeing the person for a while and they still dance around putting a label on your relationship, you could be  dating a narcissist. Some expect to reap all the benefits of the partnership without ever calling it such. Others want to be in control of their life and defining a relationship may impact that in their mind. Whatever the reason may be, remember that you deserve someone who is just as dedicated to your relationship as you are. 

That brings us to this very important point. If you think you are dating a narcissist - let go and move on. Being in a relationship with someone who constantly belittles you, never listens, seldom says sorry, offends your friends and family is emotionally and physically exhausting.

You deserve respect, love, and support. It is unlikely this person will ever give them to you. A narcissist is not going to suddenly become the empathetic, caring individual that you want them to be. They are simply incapable of it. Trying to change someone for the sake of them fitting your perfect picture is also somewhat narcissistic. 

So, once you have realized and understood that, you are on the way to a great relationship with someone. Now that  you know what to look out for. Rest assured, there are many great people in the world, and you are sure to find the right one. 

You may also like
Apr 01, 2021
Experts Speaking: How to Get Mentally Prepared for Your First Live Date After the Pandemic

Hily reached out to three relationship experts. Here’s what they recommend

Dating is stressful, especially if you haven’t been on a real-life date in more than a year. To help...

Apr 22, 2021
5 Dating Rules We Should Stop Following Once And For All

It’s about time we rethink our dating strategies

Dating in 2021 is nothing like dating in 2001. And while everyone knows that, we still follow some dating principles that our...