Is it infatuation or just sexual desire that leads to a hookup and friend-with-benefits situation? Or maybe what you have is love or something with long-lasting potential? There is no easy and predictable answer to your questions when things are fresh and new. But one thing is for sure – all strong relationships start with some intense chemistry signs at the core of your mutual attraction.
Let’s unpack those 19 tell-tale chemistry signs here so you won’t miss that strong mutual attraction when you spot it!
What Chemistry Between People Is
Chemistry is a bond in which two people feel a strong connection, usually beginning when they meet. It sets in motion a chemical reaction in the brain that becomes a lasting thing once certain critical physical, emotional, and intellectual aspects align.
According to the American Psychological Association study, when we first meet someone, we decide what relationship we’ll have within an hour. Physical attraction may or may not be present there. But if two people do have some initial romantic or physical chemistry, they’ll pursue getting to know each other more.
The point is this: when there is an initial chemistry (usually physical attraction) between two people, those feelings tend to persist and push them to move into the early dating stages.
But in many instances, the relationships based on physical attraction only don’t last longer than one night stand. Why? Because chemistry that lasts goes beyond the physical. To work for long, intense chemistry between two people should include emotional and intellectual aspects.
Related reading: Understanding Relationship Chemistry: How to Make the Sparkle Last?
1. Physical Chemistry
Physical chemistry is that tingle or a strong spark you feel when you are first engaged and feel drawn to each other. It is passionate, primarily sexual, and makes your brain chemicals work as pheromones. This initial stage tends to fade naturally, and you either settle into a more intense chemistry or break up.
2. Emotional Chemistry
Emotional chemistry adds intensity to the mix, makes you feel things sharper, and puts a deep layer on your bond. It makes you understand, honor, and respect each other’s needs and wants and be willing to support them.
This type of chemistry between two people develops over time when you spend time together.
3. Intellectual Chemistry
The intellectual chemistry type, usually referred to as a “meeting of the minds,” makes you feel attracted to each other on a mental level. The way it works between two people is by being able to express and listen to each other and discussing ideas and thoughts openly. It does not mean always agreeing on everything but rather showing respect for what the two of you have to say.
Again, intellectual chemistry is developed over time, and usually, it’s not intense in the early dating stages. But it is critical when a man and a woman work on a relationship, making the partners willing to engage in open communication, problem-solve, and develop goals and plans together.
19 Intense Chemistry Signs
“Intense chemistry is a phenomenon that expresses the depth and intensity of interactions between individuals and is often evident between people with similar values, common interests and goals. The basis of this phenomenon in a relationship is based on emotional intelligence, harmony, effective communication skills, empathy abilities and mutual understanding. The main determinant of intense chemistry is that individuals feel emotionally close to each other and understand each other.”
Mert Seker, psychologist
When the intense chemistry between two people takes place, a number of feelings and actions start serving as signs you’re attracted to each other. But how to understand what is a result of the chemistry with someone and what is not relevant? Check out our 19 signs when you can’t deny two people have intense chemistry at work!
1. Eye Contact
One of the signs of intense chemistry between two people is eye contact, which occurs whenever you are around each other. You may not even be speaking, but you search for their eyes from across the room. You often glance and gaze, seeking eye contact with each other, and those looks say it all.
2. Being Physical With Each Other Whenever Together
Physical attraction is the “electrical” part of intense chemistry between two people. You want and need to be in physical contact whenever together – holding hands, touching one another’s arms while seated, stoking hair, touching legs under the table, etc. If you are the recipient of the gesture, it does feel electric.
Related reading: Understanding Physical Touch Love Language
3. They Are Constantly in Your Thoughts
The intense chemistry is there if your thoughts about them roll around in your head during many of your waking moments. It can be re-living every moment and every conversation from your last meeting, fantasizing about your next date or sexual encounter, or even visualizing what your wedding might be like and how being married would be – where you will live, how many children you will have, etc.
4. Open and Welcoming Body Language
Your body language may send different signs of intense chemistry between you and the other person. They can be keeping your arms uncrossed, hands on the table, and legs uncrossed, to name a few. Add leaning into that person, making eye contact, and nodding as they speak. When you have chemistry with someone, these gestures come almost naturally.
There’s a large body of research about body language and what it means about your feelings for another person. When developing chemistry between you two, you tend to mimic some of each other’s physical gestures – tilting the head, using your hands while speaking, and such. Imitation body language actually is a high form of flattery.
Body language can also be used as a “come-on” when two people are drawn to each other. A man may sit up straighter and puff out his chest a bit, and a woman may lick her lips or twirl her hair.
Related reading: The Art of Body Language: How to Guess What Your Dater Is Thinking
5. Great Sex
Amazing sex is one of the key signs of chemistry between people. When there is intense chemistry, a man and a woman find it hard to keep their clothes on when they are alone together.
The other person may give you a sense of physical connection that goes beyond just the physical act. The chemistry between you two can also have an emotional aspect, giving a sense of being totally open about your wants and needs without feeling that you must hold back. It also involves trust, one of the signs of emotional chemistry with someone.
Related reading: How to Be a Better Lover – Inside and Out
6. Shared Goals and Values
Goals and values are deeply held beliefs and desires. And when a man and a woman meet and, as they get to know one another, discover that they have common goals and values, intense chemistry signs are obvious.
When goals and values are similar, there is both emotional and intellectual chemistry between people.
The chemistry between two people who share some things is a strong emotional and intellectual one and can be far stronger than the chemistry of physical attraction. If you’re looking for sources of really intense chemistry with someone, the ability to share high ideals with each other is one of them.
Suppose both of you have a sense of concern for global warming and have joined organizations that are active in those initiatives; maybe both of you are committed to working with the less fortunate. Perhaps you both have similar goals for personal and career growth.
7. Silence Together Is Comfortable
Having good moments of silence is one of those signs of intense chemistry that is often overlooked. If you have a sense of comfort just being in the same place, in each other’s company and without the need to say a word, these are sure signs of intense chemistry.
Of course, most intense chemistry signs include two people spending lots of time talking for very long periods and never tire of that. But just as important is being able to spend much time together with that special someone without having a conversation. This type of chemistry between people is rare but very important for a lasting relationship.
8. Same Sense of Humor and Playfulness
“All work and no play make Jack a dull boy indeed” is an old but timeless expression. In terms of intense chemistry signs, it means that couples who focus only on the serious side of life will endure a boring and mundane life together.
When you are with someone who makes you laugh and with whom you share the same sense of humor, you connect on an emotional level. And life is just much more fun. When two people can laugh together and be playful, they have just one more connection of great chemistry in a relationship.
9. No Need for Facades
Often, when two people meet, one or both need to feel that they need to put on a less-than-accurate picture of themselves to the other person. They try to exaggerate their accomplishments, financial situation, and such. But when two people have the right chemistry with each other, there isn’t a need for this.
Both are comfortable in their own skins, being just who they are and showing that genuine self to each other. When you can be just who you are with your partner, you have a connective chemistry that will last a lifetime. You and your partner don’t have to pretend – ever.
10. Time Becomes Relative
Yes, we all know that Einstein introduced the concept of the relativity of time. But at a practical level, time becomes relative when you feel a strong affinity for each other. Again, this is one of those signs of chemistry that many overlook.
You may talk on the phone, or you are together for hours and feel that it is just a few moments. Likewise, time flies when you are together and then must part. At the same time, you feel like time passes so slowly as you wait to be together again. And if your partner feels the same, your chemistry is mutual.
11. Soulmate Vibes
“A soulmate is an individual that has a lasting impact on your life. Your soulmate is your fellow traveler on the journey of life—you need one another to grow beyond the limitations of your individual selves.”
Dr. Michael Tobin, psychologist and author
When you and your partner feel like your life journey is interconnected and interwoven, the connection between you two is so strong that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. If so, this is one of the most telling signs of a deep chemistry that you feel.
Being each other’s soulmate surpasses emotional and intellectual chemistry – it becomes spiritual and is the strongest chemistry between people to feel for each other. If you two feel this bond for each other, it’s all over – you should be together for a lifetime (or at least try that).
Related reading: 17 Weird Soulmate Signs – Is It Meant to Be?
12. Details Always Matter
When you have intense chemistry, one of the signs is that both of you remember the tiny details about each other and tuck them away.
Your partner remembers that you mentioned you like a certain candy bar. And so, you show up with a dozen of them. Or they remember that you have an obsession with a certain author and go out to buy their new release for you.
Maybe you loved what they were wearing the first time you met, and you comment on that when they wear it again. You also notice when they have gotten a haircut.
Why is this an example of intense chemistry? Because it means that you want to know everything about them – their little quirks, habits, and what they do and do not like. When you are with someone you have a strong attraction to, it’s what you do.
13. Feeling Comfortable Talking About Anything
No matter what the topic, both of you are comfortable speaking your mind and sharing your histories, fantasies, or even political opinions. All of this comes from a place of trust and intimacy that involves no criticism or judgment – and certainly no anger.
This also means that your partner can be trusted to give sound advice when you have a problem with friends, co-workers, a work project, and such. Their opinion will be far more objective than yours.
Intense chemistry also means that when you have divergent disagreements, you will express a strong opinion respectfully – not in an attempt to “win” but to understand where each is coming from and to find a compromise.
Related reading: How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl
14. You Strive to Be a Better Person
There’s a famous line from the movie, “As Good As It Gets.” Carol (Helen Hunt) says to Melvin (Jack Nicholson), “Say something nice to me, Melvin.” It takes him a long time to answer, but eventually, he says, “You make me want to be a better person.” While the viewers don’t really believe him (he is just trying to get over a rough spot), it is nevertheless a true factor of intense chemistry.
When two people are developing a deep relationship, they do feel like they want to improve themselves for each other. They try to make some changes:
- Be more patient
- Be neater and cleaner in their housekeeping
- Manage their time better to have quality time with their partner
- Master the skill that impresses each other the most
Whatever the reason, you are doing these things out of a deep connection between your partner and you, and you want to improve for them.
Related reading: A Guide on How to Be a Better Boyfriend
15. Talking About Them All the Time
When you are with family, friends, and co-workers, you feel like you want to tell them about your latest time together, what you did, what they said, and how you feel about all of the things they did and said. And your body language and gestures tell the same story.
It may get to the point that those closest to you begin to say, “Enough!” But it’s hard to stop – and that’s why it’s one of the intense chemistry signs on our list.
16. Others Notice the Chemistry Between You Two
When you are in the company of friends and family, the attraction between the two of you is obvious:
- You gaze into each other’s eyes
- Your body language shows the physical attraction for each other
- During conversations, you seem to finish each other’s sentences
- You share inside jokes others don’t understand.
When people notice this chemistry, they will likely comment on it, often saying how you two seem to be meant for each other. And most likely, they are so right about you.
17. Hell Bent on Getting Alone Time With Them
When you have intense chemistry with someone you have such strong attraction for, you’ll do whatever you can to see that you can get them alone. And this is not just about physical attraction – you want alone time, away from other people you may socialize with, to have those long conversations about thoughts, feelings for each other, dreams, goals, the future, etc.
Related reading: Quality Time – It’s a Love Language
18. Nervousness When Going to Get Together
This is common in the early stages of your relationship whenever you’re going to be with them to feel excited but jittery. You can’t help but check how you look a dozen times. You have a pile of nervous energy just anticipating being in each other’s presence.
Not only are you jittery about this get-together, but you are anxious about what might be coming next. That’s so intense because you genuinely want this to be the real thing.
19. Dwelling on Everything They Have Said
Every time you’ve been in each other’s company, you have had a conversation. And after you have parted and are alone, you go over the things they have said over and over again:
- Was there any hidden meaning?
- Did anything they said indicate a future together?
You replay all they have told you about themselves, can’t wait to hear even more and imagine what life would be like if you were with them permanently.
Intense Chemistry Is Powerful
Intense chemistry is magnetic, actually. It’s a powerful pull that people cannot resist once they feel it. When this mutual magnetism comes into play between two people, we call it intense chemistry. As this article points out, intense chemistry is a physical attraction that should be accompanied by emotional and intellectual chemistry for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
When you have all three elements in the intense chemistry mix, your relationship has all it takes.
