How to Start Dating & Enjoy It

Knowing how to start dating is incredibly simple for some but not for others. Especially when you may have been out of the dating pool for a while, or haven’t really jumped in yet. In this case, the world of dating can often be scary and confusing, leading to dating anxiety that ruins self-esteem.

If you’re one of those young adults, unfortunately, a lot of the dating advice you see only really helps in a serious relationship. But as you enter your dating journey and only learn to date before getting into romantic relationships, let’s what you need to do to start dating.

Related reading: Early Dating – Are You Making These 9 Mistakes?

How to Start Dating 101

Let’s start with two basic questions about yourself: what is your dating style and how was your last date? This information will tell you a lot about yourself and your dating behavior now.

What Is Your Dating Style?

Not everybody dates in the same way. Some people feel in their element when they can go out and meet people in real life. Others prefer to get to know potential dates for the first time online.

Also, consider what you want from your dating experience. There’s no right or wrong way to go about this. There’s simply what works for you right now.

What Did You Love & Hate About Your Last Date?

Are you struggling to pin down exactly what approach to dating fits you best? Don’t overthink things! Instead, just think back to your last dating experience.

What did you love about it? What did you hate about it? Answer those questions and you’ll spend less time navel gazing and more time making a plan for successful dating in the future.

Related reading: Top First Date Tips to Get a Second Date

Jumping in The Dating Pool! Time to Go Out

You’ve decided that going out is your best approach to dating. Now what? Where should you go? The local bars and hot nightclubs seem like obvious choices, but you shouldn’t limit yourself.

Allow us to suggest some fun alternatives:

• Join a sports league
• Get out and volunteer
• Join a local group related to a hobby or interest
• Join a book club

Just one word of advice! Keep it cool. Nobody wants to hang out with someone who treats gatherings like their own personal dating pool.

A Romantic Relationship Online: Choose Your Dating App

“Years ago, I came to the conclusion that many couples who met online feel embarrassed by their online love story. Oftentimes, couples create an alternative story they mutually agreed upon rather than sticking to the truth. I’m here to tell you – online dating is nothing to be ashamed of.”

Dr. Venessa Marie Perry, relationship expert

If you want to start dating, take a look at the many kinds of dating apps there are.

Although their end goal is mostly on the same page, consider these 6 criteria before making a decision:

1. Dating App Culture

Many dating apps promise to find you a partner you want, but this promise is hard to keep as it’s not in our control. What a dating app can do is to help you enjoy yourself and the dating process as it is, with no expectations and fake facades.

2. Sexuality and Gender Identity

The end goal of many dating apps is to help you find a relationship. However, there are dating sites and apps that are made for those who match certain statistics.

3. Your Dating Goals

Your primary goal for dating is the key. A good way to find out is to ask all your friends about what they had in mind when they first started dating. Be that self-confidence boost or curiosity about your options, embrace your goals and use them as your guiding star in dating.

4. Your Interests

A first date is more fun with someone who shares your interests. It’s easier to keep a positive mindset, not feel nervous, chat with potential partners, and be comfortable around someone you never dated before.

Sometimes having that one thing to talk about during the first date can make the biggest difference for those who want to find a good match. By feeling comfortable, it’s easier to find more to converse about. And even if the relationship does not work out from a romantic standpoint, you will find that meeting people is a lot more fun when you have similar hobbies and interests that give you good talking points.

5. What You Want in a Partner

When you just start dating, remembering what you want from romantic connections is worth sticking to. It’s ok to have preferences, but it’s not ok to be unnecessarily hostile or hateful to those who don’t fit into each category of your preferences.

Don’t be too critical of things people cannot physically change about themselves. Rather think of the attributes you want your partner to have and what your deal breakers might be regarding their life choices and behavior. These are the things under their control.

6. Age Gap

Most applications focus on primarily finding romantic connections between all adults. However, some apps focus on certain age groups. Whether you find yourself to be a millennial, a Gen Z, a Gen X, or even a boomer. This factor can drastically change which dating site you sign up for and use because if you sign up for the wrong one it can make you feel awkward as you find yourself surrounded by users who you cannot relate with due to a difference in age and upbringing.

Learn How to Set Boundaries and Compromise

Before you start dating it is important to consider what your boundaries are and to remember to respect the ones that others might have as well. For example as someone who has likely never dated or is getting back into the dating game after a dry spell, you may feel incredibly uncomfortable with being physical during the first few months of dating.

The person you are starting to date may love physical contact while you don’t and may want to shower you with hugs and massages from the moment that they meet you. In this case, you could likely compromise over time by holding their hand to start and gradually adding more physical affection over time as the relationship goes on.

There might also be times in which you have a boundary that cannot be broken, such as not wanting to be bothered during certain hours of the day due to other obligations such as work or school. Or you may have certain ingredients in your home banned due to religious beliefs or medical needs. Boundaries are things that should be treated with high regard and if the person you have started to date cannot seem to respect those limits it may be time to move on as dating life should be fun for everyone involved.

Related reading: Boundaries in Relationships – Keeping Them Healthy

Let It Happen Naturally

Having never dated is not necessarily a bad thing as we all start off with pretty much no experience when it comes to dating. That can make things challenging, but not impossible.

Of course, you may be a bit behind when it comes to learning how to date others, however, that does not mean that you need to force yourself to catch up in life. Take a deep breath, find someone you are interested in, and go on a date with them.

Treat them with respect, and chat about your life, hobbies, and interests, and if that one date leads to more dates then you are doing something right. If it doesn’t lead to more dates, that does not necessarily mean you did anything wrong. Your feelings may not completely match, or they may not be interested in you and that is ok. This is what it is like when you start to date others.

Just Meet Folks

Sometimes putting yourself out there and not being afraid to meet and start a conversation with different people is one of the best ways to create relationships with others. Of course, it won’t feel comfortable when you begin, however, it is one of the things you need to put an effort into as you start the process of finding someone to date. Keep an open mind as you meet new people, break the ice, spend a little time flirting, and overall just build up your confidence.

Don’t Feel Discouraged If the Relationship Doesn’t End Up Being Romantic

Not every relationship is meant to be a romantic one. Even if you find someone who you click with and can expect to have an amazing life together with. Some types of relationships are meant to only be platonic so if you have someone who you have strong feelings for don’t feel discouraged. Just accept that your relationship with them is not meant to be anything more than a friendship. After all, there is a difference between finding your twin flame and your soul mate

Twin Flame

Is someone who is often seen as your mirror image in many ways. Someone who shares your interests, and ideals, and who you have a bond with like no other. However many people often confuse them with their soulmate, and although the friendship is usually great a more romantic connection often leads to fighting, and disagreements, and may eventually result in the point that the two of you end up breaking up.

Related reading: Soulmate or Twin Flame? The Difference Clarified

Soul Mate

“Your partner is willing to grow with you. Your soulmate should challenge you and fertilize your soul-growth, but they shouldn’t do so without also allowing the same from you in return. You and your partner should have an equal and respectful relationship in which you help each other grow into the best versions of yourselves. If it’s always you that has to change or your partner refuses to engage in any growth alongside you, that is a relationship that can be very toxic or even abusive.”

Dr. Laura Berman, relationship expert

A soul mate is someone who may share many of the same aspects of a twin flame, however, they are still a different person from you. A soulmate will balance you out and keep you grounded in a way that makes you feel safe and secure.

Because of their similarities, it is normal to confuse your soul mate with your twin flame and the truth may not be found until you are actually in a relationship with either of them.

Take Care of Yourself

When you start going out on dates you must be putting in the effort to take care of yourself. This means spending time with friends and family, taking care of your physical and mental health, and not doing things that you don’t feel ready for. By taking care of yourself you will feel more confident, and when you are more confident in yourself you are more likely to attract other people.

Marriage Doesn’t Have to be The End Goal

There’s an idea floating around that no matter what all successful relationships need to follow a specific timeline that essentially goes like this. Go on a few dates, fall in love, meet the family, move in together, and finally get married.

Many people who don’t follow this exact timeline of relationship development tend to believe that they have somehow failed. However, many successful relationships have happened that didn’t end in marriage. Marriage doesn’t dictate how strong a relationship is, if it did things like divorce would never happen.

Find Ways to Flirt

The process of flirting is a balance between physical, mental, and vocal interactions. If you are too heavy with the physical interactions you can make a person feel uncomfortable. If you chat with a person too much you may end up rambling about things during your conversation with them and that can also make them feel uncomfortable. Here are a couple of tips for getting your flirt on.

1. Read their body language: If you understand body language you can figure out when a good time to touch somebody might be.
2. Keep that physical contact subtle: Remind yourself that flirting is not a good time to go all in with a hug. You’re supposed to keep it on the down low.
3. Keep your past to yourself: When you first meet a person and want to flirt try and keep stories from your past quiet until you have started to be a bit more steady. Don’t be afraid to tell a story or two but just remember to not bring it up unless it is appropriate.

Have Fun!

If you want a dating goal, make it a simple one. You just want to have fun. Then, remind yourself of that whenever you start feeling the pressure.