How to Get a Boyfriend: A Pick Me Free Guide For Modern Women

Dating 101
07 May 2023
12 min read
How to Get a Boyfriend Fast

You may have landed on this article because you typed “how to get a boyfriend” into Google, but this question has been asked by even the most confident women for years. You want a relationship with a guy that’s fun and fulfilling. So, how do you get a boyfriend? How do you find the right person?

We can assure you that there is a mostly perfect guy out there for you. Unfortunately, there’s more bad advice than good when it comes to learning how to get a boyfriend. We researched and were disappointed to find some of the following tips:

  • Always put his needs before yours
  • Be available to him but never ask the same of him
  • Remind him that you aren’t like other girls
  • Fix his plate of food before you serve yourself or the kids
  • Never complain or criticize him no matter what
  • Be grateful for the time he spends with you

That’s not to mention the “rules”, “trad wife” movement, and other advice from dubious sources. Much of this information comes from men who can’t handle a confident woman, or women who think the best way to get a boyfriend is by diminishing herself or other women. Worse, all of this reduces most guys egotistical jerks with an inflated sense of entitlement.

You can follow advice like that if you want, and you may certainly get a boyfriend. However, what you may not experience is a lasting relationship that truly makes you happy.

It’s time for a new guide to help women find a great guy while remaining true to themselves. Shouldn’t you be able to find a potential boyfriend without behaving like a Stepford wife? Use these tips to start dating a great person who is good boyfriend material!

You Want a Cute Guy And That’s Okay!

“A great relationship is a safe place for both people to love, honor, and respect one another.”

Jennifer Howell, a leadership and relationship coach

Let’s make something clear first. Your desire to learn how to get a boyfriend doesn’t make you lame or shallow. You’re honest about the fact that you want to find the right guy, and you are not alone. It’s simply a natural part of the human experience to want a casual or serious relationship with someone who shares a great connection with you.

Modern Tech Tools AKA Online Dating Apps

You can’t learn how to get a boyfriend if you can’t land the first date. There are so many valid ways to meet guys, but online dating has emerged as the most popular method for connecting with the right guy. So, don’t hesitate to create a dating profile. Just be aware that you might attract the wrong kind of man if you make some of these rookie mistakes:

  • Being too eager to get a boyfriend instead of using your judgment
  • Using the wrong dating site for your needs
  • Not posting updated pictures
  • Creating a profile that emphasizes the wrong things
  • Falling for the nice guy routine instead of seeking out a kind and compatible mate

Here’s an unpopular truth. Most women are socialized to be accommodating. They may feel uncomfortable asking difficult questions or establishing boundaries. However, it’s very important to get over this if you want to use online dating as a way to meet high value men who are boyfriend material.

8 healthy steps on how to get a boyfriend

8 Steps to Land a Guy and a Healthy Relationship

If you are ready to get a boyfriend, here are some tips that take you from that first moment of eye contact, through the first few dates, and into a committed relationship.

1. Learn About Body Language

Used correctly, body language is a key tool as you learn how to get a boyfriend. You can learn to read his body language for subtle cues that he’s interested in you. Even better, you can use your body and smile to show you want to be much more than friends.

2. Plan a Date That Allows You to Talk And Connect

Rock climbing might be fun, but a first date at a coffee shop is probably a better choice. This will give both of you a chance to chat and get to know each other. You’ll both feel good about a second date if you talk and things click.

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3. Find a Guy You Would Be Friends With

Sex is great, but if you want find a boyfriend it can’t be your only focus. You need to find someone that you would be friends with, even if sex was off the table. Can you have a good conversation with him about your interests, the home team in your city, or your plans for the future? If not, he might be a fun date, but you may have to wait for the next guy if you want a long-term relationship.

4. Make Compatibility a Top Priority

Do you and your boyfriend-to-be have shared interests, goals, and beliefs? Remember that initial animal attraction will not last forever. Eventually, you will want to connect on a deeper level. If you guys don’t have something in common, you’re going to have a hard time sustaining a relationship. So, be clear about your interests. Sadly, many women make the mistake of simply following along with whatever their new boyfriend likes to do.

That’s no way to find a boyfriend. Eventually, you’ll miss being yourself and having your own interests and views. Even if you are keen on finding the right person, it’s better to wait for true compatibility than fake it.

5. Let Him Talk Too!

You don’t have to fill every moment of silence with words. Slow down and give him time and space to share about himself. Guys really do appreciate having someone listen to them too. If you are that person, he may begin to see you as a partner, not just a person he is dating. Show your genuine interest in the things that are important to him, and you’ll both get so much out of each conversation.

Your friends know better how to get a boyfriend you deserve

6. Ask Your Friends For Help Finding The Perfect Match

When it comes to dating, you can bet your friends have opinions, and they are willing to share them with you. That’s great because most people won’t be as brutally honest as your closest friends. Don’t be afraid to ask a good friend for their help in finding a partner for you.

Then, listen to your insights. They know the dating mistakes you’ve made and have an idea of your ideal true love. Who knows? They may have some matchmaking in mind based on what they know about your personality.

7. Make Sure You Feel Attractive

The best relationships aren’t born out of desperation. You will meet someone who is good for you if you feel sexy and confident. Wear clothes that you love, smile, and get ready to flirt. If you love the entire package you have to offer, he will love it as well.

Related reading: The Making of a Sex Goddess

8. Don’t Hesitate to Make The First Move

Increase the possibility that you will meet someone and fall in love by taking one step. Be the first person to start a conversation, flirt, and ask him out on a date. He’ll find it refreshing to be asked, and if he says know that’s still good practice for long-lasting love.

Related reading: How to Ask a Guy Out Even When You’re Totally Awkward

6 Techniques You Should Just Avoid

You want to find a boyfriend fast but don’t be so desperate that you do things to turn him off. Here are some more tips on how to get a boyfriend. Now, we’re focusing on what to avoid if you want to move a relationship forward and get that boyfriend.

1. Failing to Respect His Wishes If He Wants to Be Just Friends

You’ve been talking to a guy for a while. Eventually, he comes to realize that you are interested in dating. Unfortunately, he tells you that he only sees you as a friend. What should you do to convince that your future love lives have been set in destiny?

The answer is nothing. Respect his wishes. Also, don’t break the number one rule of new dating. That is, don’t bring drama to the social circle. That just makes everything awkward, and people will feel bad over friend drama.

Being not yourself is not the best way to attract a high-value man

2. Pretending to Be Someone You Aren’t

You meet a guy, and you really like him. You’re also afraid that he’d never be into a girl like you. So, you put on the personality you think he’d love. You fake your interests and views, all to be whatever you’ve decided his ideal woman is. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t fall madly in love with you.

Of course he didn’t! It would be even worse if he did. Most men can detect when you aren’t being yourself, and it’s a big turnoff for them. So, be yourself. Quality guys don’t want to date someone who lack the confidence to be who they are.

3. Complaining About Your Ex

We get it. You’re excited about your new guy. One of the things you really love about him is that he is nothing like your jerk of an ex. So, you talk about that a lot, perhaps without even realizing it. Maybe, you think you are being complimentary by telling your prospective boyfriend how much better he is than your ex.

You should stop doing that. All of that ex talk isn’t helping your emerging relationship. Chances are, it’s making the new guy really uncomfortable. First, he may wonder how you’re going to badmouth him if the two of you break up. Also, while you are going on about your ex, you’re making dates feel like therapy sessions. Leave those relationships in the past and move on with your life.

4. Refusing to State Your Needs

“In order to change the results you’re getting out in the world, your whole “vibe” has to change… As your “vibe” changes, the kinds of men you attract will change, and the man you may be with right now will experience this shift in you and respond completely differently to you.”

Rori Raye, a relationship coach

Isn’t it amazing when a guy is so in tuned to you that he can anticipate your needs? He always seems to know the right thing to say and do. Yes, that’s great. It’s also an unfair expectation to have of anybody, particularly when a relationship is brand new. When you expect him to know what you want, but refuse to speak up, you shouldn’t be surprised when you don’t get precisely what you want.

It’s even worse when you become upset or angry because he didn’t read your mind. So, don’t leave him wondering what he did or said that was so wrong. Instead, be clear about what it is you need from him both physically and emotionally.

5. Using Exaggerated Body Language

There’s a difference between understanding the subtle impact of gestures or facial expressions, and weirdly gesticulating like some sort of interpretive dancer. You want to show him that you are into him, not make him feel uncomfortable. So, act naturally!

6. Expecting Him to Stop Living His Own Life

Isn’t new love great? You meet a great man and start to fall for him. You can’t imagine doing anything else with your free time besides hanging out with him. This may feel amazing to you, but the guy you’re dating is probably feeling a bit suffocated.

If he can’t continue to live his life without including you in everything he does, he’s going to be miserable. Let’s be honest. After a period of time, you’re going to notice that something is missing from your life too. If you aren’t careful that something is going to be your boyfriend.

Both you and he will have a better partnership if you each lead your own life. So, maintain your friendships, do the things that interest you, and give him space to do the same. If your self esteem is so low that you need him to shadow you, it’s time to step back and consider therapy.

Don’t Fall for The First Guy, Get What You Deserve!

Wanting a healthy relationship is our natural desire, so don’t be shy and get the connection you want! The last piece of advice we can give you is not to be desperate and fall for the first guy. True love waits, and you can flirt with many guys meanwhile. But when you decide to build something serious with one of them, make sure that this man wants to become the best boyfriend for you.

You deserve the best in this world, and only you can determine what is best for you. So listen to your heart, but pick the right guy with your clear mind. It should just feel right – and when you’ll get it, you’ll know it. We’re sure this man will be the cutest and the greatest man ever!

Dating Tips Author
Shelly Standford
After a devastating relationship breakup, I threw myself into the dating scene by registering on Hily. I had over 100 dates - some absolute disasters, some pretty average, and some that were actually great. So many stories to tell and insights to share with you guys!
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