How to Flirt With a Girl – And Get a Date!

Dating 101
22 Jun 2023
17 min read
How to Flirt With a Girl - A Top Guide for Guys

You want to meet, experience romance, and enjoy dating. You know that begins with flirting, but how do you do that? We learn about the birds and the bees in school – but nobody teaches us how to flirt with a girl! And how should we figure out the art of flirting on our own?

Sure, this may come naturally for some men, but not most. If you’re not that lucky, I feel your pain that it would be nice to just ask women out directly instead of doing all this social dancing. But unfortunately, that’s just not the way people are wired. We crave the emotional and sexual tension that is created when you flirt! And so, here is your guide on how to flirt with a girl without the anxiety that comes with flirting or the pain of rejecting when our flirting skills aren’t up to par. Read on not to act like smug, domineering jerk and attract amazing women.

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What is Flirting: A Primer

Flirting is a series of actions you perform for one of two purposes. The first is to express that you are interested in a person on a romantic or sexual level. The second is to flatter them by making them believe you might have those interests. In both cases, everything is implied. Nothing is stated outright.

1 Flirting is a series of actions you perform for one of two purposes. The first is to express that you are interested in a person on a romantic or sexual level. The second is to flatter them by making them believe you might have those interests. In both cases, everything is implied. Nothing is stated outright.

Are you more nervous on second dates or first dates?

Flirting is just one of many complex behaviors that humans exhibit. Why is flirting complicated? Because a person flirting must follow certain unwritten rules. If they can do this with ease, that’s even better. Those are the people who can flirt with a girl and make it look easy.

Ultimately, flirting with a girl should lead to at least one of the following outcomes:

  • Communicate that you are romantically interested (and/or sexually)
  • Determine whether she’s interested
  • Make her feel confident about herself
  • Keep things casual and fun
  • Create an opening for the next step

To master flirting, you must understand these rules and comply with them in a way that seems as natural as possible. Everything from body language to eye contact can make an exchange successful. At the same time, these are the very behaviors that make men look awkward or even creepy if they don’t get things right.

Related reading: Is He a Body Language Guy? How to Read The Subtle Signs

Perhaps natural flirts don’t need any guidance. However, most men could use a bit of help with their flirting. After all, most guys want to enjoy connecting with women without bruising their egos or suffering damage to their social status.

How to flirt with a girl: Different types

5 Types of Flirting

There are different ways that a person may use when they flirt with a girl. Although there are many different tactics, we categorize them into five base categories of flirting. In practice, you may mix and match them into your own style that doesn’t fall into a certain category.

Let’s take a look at them to see what you may fall into or out of when you flirt with a girl.

1. Traditional Flirting

This is essentially the category most men fall into and what the majority of women are subjected to. The man goes to the woman and starts to try and impress her, and the woman takes a somewhat passive role in which she has the power to either accept or reject.

Traditional flirting is shown so often in media that it almost seems pointless to explain it further than this. Just imagine a scene from almost any piece of visual media where the guy makes his move. Usually, he walks up to the pretty girl and tells her that she looks really pretty, and she responds with a series of blushes and giggles. You just read an example of traditional flirting.

2. Playful Flirting

Playful flirting is essentially a step above traditional flirting. In traditional flirting, the people flirting with each other may essentially be strangers who caught each others’ eye. While in playful flirting, it is more than likely that the two have established some form of comfortable connection with each other.

Playful flirting often includes teasing, using one’s charm, as well as light-hearted conversation and the occasional point of using one’s sexual appeal. While it is easy to see this as flirting with how casual and indirect it can seem, at times playful flirting can often be confused as mere friendliness.

Related reading: Coloring the Grey Zone – Is Flirting Cheating?

3. Physical Flirting

Physical contact is one of the main cornerstones of physical flirting. You may place a hand on theirs, mess with their hair, lean close to them, and more. There are many different points of subtle touch that you can use to make the connection that you are flirting with them.

After all, a charming smile doesn’t always make the connection clear – but for many of us, a simple touch with that smile is just the trick to get the results that you want.

4. Sincere Flirting

While it isn’t the type of flirting that most men fall into, most women highly appreciate and eagerly respond to it. Whether you’re flirting with her or she’s flirting with you, it is hard to deny the results of what sincere flirting is able to get you.

To flirt with a girl this way, use a much more direct approach. Rather than relying on a series of pick up lines or subtle touches, be natural. In this case, most people don’t even realize that they had been flirting with someone until they have developed what they see as signs of an initial crush.

5. Polite Flirting

Polite flirting is probably the least popular form of flirting – not because it’s bad but because it’s very difficult to pinpoint. When a person flirts politely, they tend to give the other plenty of personal space and avoid certain language that may make a person feel uncomfortable.

When a person standing three feet away from you in a park tells a woman that she looks pretty, it’s hard to assume that’s flirting, even from an outsider’s perspective. Of course, girls love compliments like most people, but it can be hard to decipher a compliment from flirting when there is very little indication of anything more happening.

How to flirt with a girl online

5 Ways How to Flirt With Girls: Online Dating Edition

Many dating relationships now begin online in discussion forums, on social media platforms, and in online dating apps. Thus, you should understand how to flirt with a girl online. You may be surprise, but that is easier than interacting in real life – especially for those guys who feel uncomfortable in person and communicate better online.

Whether you are in your comfort zone flirting online or not, these tips should help you show genuine interest in the women you interact with.

1. Start Flirting With a Girl Before You Meet Her

When you engage online, you have the opportunity to subtly flirt with women before you even meet them. For this, you can create a flirtatious profile.

Remember that your pictures, bio, and other elements that appear on your dating and social media profiles create an overall picture of you for women you haven’t met yet. Use that as an opportunity to show that you are funny, approachable, and clever. This is what will make women think, “I want to have a conversation with that guy!”.

2. Read the Room Before You Flirt With a Girl

It’s great fun to flirt with a girl online, but is she having a good time as well? Flirting online should be consensual, and it should be something that both people are into. Too many guys fail to understand that not every place online is appropriate for flirting.

Sometimes, it’s easy to determine that. For example, there’s an expectation of flirting on an online dating site. The same goes for online spaces that are specifically intended for romantic or flirtatious interactions.

Let’s talk about the internet spaces that don’t fall into one of those categories. Should you avoid flirting with girls anyplace online that isn’t a dating app? Of course not! The key is to be observant. Know when a flirty conversation will be welcome and consensual. Don’t be the guy who makes women uncomfortable by flirting with them and generally making things weird.

3. Use Her Profile to Start a Conversation

Pay attention to the little details in her online profile. Use them to start a combination, share your own similar interests, and have a little fun. It’s a good idea to rely on her online profile questions as icebreakers to help connect with her better. It’s certainly better than coming up with more cheesy lines.

4. Be Descriptive and Expressive

In addition to lacking body language, you can’t use the nuance of the spoken word to communicate. The last thing you want is for her to get the wrong idea from what you say.

So, how do you put your best foot forward? It makes good sense to use your words carefully. Add emojis to your text. Share gifs and other images to set the mood. You may want to buffer suggestive comments in particular so they don’t appear to be too forward or aggressive.

5. Consider Moving the Conversation to a New Platform

Once you establish a rapport, ask her to spend time with you on a few other online platforms. There’s a good reason for doing this. People tend to be on their best behavior and offer up idealized versions of themselves on dating apps and other platforms. However, they’ll loosen up a bit and be a little more genuine than others. Get her talking to you on another app and you can flirt in a way that’s just a little more genuine, and perhaps low-key risque.

7 Ways How to Flirt With a Girl: Live And In-Person

If you flirt with girls in real life, verbal communication may be a struggle. Indeed, it’s hard to flirt with a girl when you feel awkward. But there are some benefits: she will see your smiling face and be able to maintain eye contact with you. There’s also quite a bit that you can communicate through the tone of your voice and body language.

Whether you are stressed by the opportunity to flirt with girls, these useful tips should be a great help to you.

1. Use an Open Body Language

Take advantage of the fact that she can see and hear you. Catch gaze, and then hold eye contact for a few seconds. There’s so much that you can communicate through eye contact.

Practice your body language in the mirror. Make sure your body is telling her what you want. Remember that some poses and gestures can communicate hostility, even if that isn’t what you intend. For example, you might cross your arms out of anxiety, but she will see that as you being closed off to her. So, relax and smile. Drop your arms, and leave yourself open to interpretation. If you want to be friendly and approachable you have to be friendly and approachable.

Related reading: The Art of Body Language: How to Guess What Your Dater is Thinking

2. Lay on the Compliments

When you want to flirt with a girl in person, one of the best tactics is to lay on the compliments. Of course, you don’t want to lay on the compliments too heavily – or else you may end up pushing them away. For example, you can compliment her on the outfit that she’s wearing as a start. This is a considerably safe area of compliment that you can give, and if it lands well, you can move towards other forms of compliments.

3. Don’t be Afraid to Get Physical

When it comes to the way you flirt, there is nothing wrong with a bit of physical touch. It allows you to gauge her comfort levels with you and can make it easier to learn how to approach her. After all, everyone has different levels of contact that they are comfortable with. For example, someone may not like it when you lean in close to them but are perfectly ok with a touch on the shoulder.

4. Give Her a Reason to Think About You

If you were to ask a dating coach what tactic you should use to get someone to respond when you flirt, they’ll recommend you to give them a reason to think about you. For this, try asking thoughtful questions that really make them think. Let them do all the talking and just sit and listen to them. You can even give them a funny or cute nickname – just do what you can to make yourself noticeable and memorable to them.

5. Show Off Your Confidence

Always be confident; confidence appears sexy, charming, and noticeable. When you have low self-esteem, you will appear to be unapproachable and will likely not get the results that you want.

By standing tall and letting everyone know that you feel comfortable with not only yourself, but with the way the world sees you, you will likely get more results.

6. Get Her to Talk About Herself

Let things light up with her by allowing her to talk about herself. Start your conversation by asking her questions such as what her favorite song is, or who she aspires to be like. Tell her that she smells good and ask her what products she uses. By getting her to talk about herself you not only make her feel special but you also put forth some extra effort to get to know her better. Good relationships are built around conversation.

Related reading: A Guide on How to Be a Better Boyfriend

7. Focus on Small Gestures

Whether you talk with a girl over text or meet her in real life, don’t overdo it and don’t make your presence be overwhelming. Be subtle instead: take it slowly and say and do things that will make her feel intrigued, not overwhelmed.

Most times, the most effective form of engagement is a conversation – so pick up hints and follow those clues.

Rules on how to flirt with a girl

What Not to Do When You Flirt With A Girl

When it comes to the dos and don’ts of flirting, that are things that you think are nice – but in practice, they require guidance from a dating coach. When you get advice on how to flirt with girls, you may find that some messages are well intended and easily mixed up, while others are just straight-up wrong – even if gain a shared sense they are right.

Let’s take a look at some of the most common mistakes you may se and fix them that make you and her feel good about your interaction with each other.

1. Don’t Go Overboard With the Eye Contact

A big tip that almost everyone gives to a person who wants to know how to flirt is to maintain good eye contact. While this is good advice to give in general, some people take it to unnecessary and honestly creepy levels.

When a person says to maintain eye contact, they mean to just look in her general direction and to not be staring at the floor, or in the opposite direction of her. It does not mean that you need to be staring right into her eyes the entire time that she’s talking. While this can lead to a funny story in the future it normally just leads to discomfort, and a need to avoid you in the future.

2. Try to Avoid Using Pick Up Lines

They’re cute at times and even funny. But let’s be real: pick up lines are almost always at best cringe worthy. Use an actual joke to break the ice, find a shared interest between the two of you, even just a normal hello.

Pick up lines are entertaining of course, but they tend to usually get a bit of awkward laughter at most.

Related reading: The Best Flirty Conversation Starters

3. Don’t Compare Her to Other Girls

You want to show her that you’re interested, so keep the focus on her. Don’t bring other women into it. Even if you intend to compare her in a positive way, it’s just going to seem as if you are truly interested in someone else. Besides, it’s kind of gross to compare women and pit them against one another.

4. Steer Clear of Insulting Humor

Often, men are subtly encouraged to engage in teasing or insulting humor when they flirt. It begins in elementary school. Girls are told that boys are mean to them when they are find them attractive. Guys are taught to give girls a hard time to show they are interested.

Today, conquest culture “experts” advise men to engage in negging when they speak with a girl over text in real life. This is to nip away at her confidence.

If nothing else, keep in mind that not everyone has that kind of humor. That woman you were interested in may be quickly turned off if your idea of a laugh is insulting her.

5. Don’t Be a Show Off

Flirting should be a fun way to communicate with another person. It isn’t meant to be a vehicle for showing off your money, influence, or prowess. If you spend too much time showing off while talking to a girl, the conversation will go sour. Relax and be yourself.

6. Don’t Try to Be Something That You’re Not

Stop thinking that you have to live up to some unrealistic ideal. Girls aren’t in search of some alpha Chad. In fact, many women find guys like that to be boorish and vain. What they are looking for is a relationship with someone who has his own interests, loves to laugh, and is easy to be around.

Besides, don’t you want a relationship with a girl who is going to find you attractive in the long run? Be yourself, and focus on showcasing the little things about you that women love.

7. Don’t Wait to Text Her

For years there has been this weird rule about waiting to call or text. If you text too soon, you may seem desperate and drive her away. However, it has been proven that girl over text will likely respond better if you take a small amount of free time to send her a message. Tell her good morning, or even good night after a night of making her laugh while you flirt with her.

8. Don’t Be by the Book

Finally, be careful that you don’t over rely on this or any other related reading. You must develop your own way of being flirtatious.

Get Going You Stud!

You’ve got the information you need to flirt in a way that’s fun and effective. Why not take your new understanding online and find a great woman for some fun or something else? Enjoy your flirting time!

Dating Tips Author
Shelly Standford
After a devastating relationship breakup, I threw myself into the dating scene by registering on Hily. I had over 100 dates - some absolute disasters, some pretty average, and some that were actually great. So many stories to tell and insights to share with you guys!

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