How to Finger Yourself and Don’t Feel Ashamed

Intimacy & Sex
17 May 2024
5 min read
Learn How to Finger Yourself: Once and Forever

In the United States, 82% of women own at least one sex toy. That’s great! Women should know their bodies and feel empowered to pleasure themselves. Perhaps you own one or more yourself. But, is it possible that all of this technology is getting in the way of some more natural approaches to self-exploration? Why not unplug, pour a glass of wine, and learn how to finger yourself?

5 Steps to a Great Fingering Session

Maybe you already know how to finger yourself, at least enough to achieve orgasm. But, there are probably a few techniques you aren’t aware of – things that can make masturbation even better. So, give this process a try

1. Get Ready!

It’s time to learn how to finger yourself. These next steps may seem pretty obvious, but not everyone has the same level of understanding.

So, let’s go over the basics of getting ready for self-pleasure:

  • Wash your hands
  • Remove any rings
  • Trim and file your nails – They may seem smooth enough now, but remember they’re going to be in pretty intense contact with your vagina

Don’t forget to have any accessories nearby. Maybe some lube, the remote for your tv (background noise or porn), pillows and blankets, and a dildo or other toys. Once everything is in place you can focus solely on the fingering session.

Related reading: Unlocking Sexual Energy – A How-To Guide

2. Relax and Get Comfortable

Find a comfortable and private spot, whatever that means for you. You might want to head to your bedroom and lock the door, or feel perfectly relaxed on your living room couch. You could even stretch out on the floor.

You may find that you like to have plenty of pillows and blankets for comfort and support. Choose whatever suits you. You’re learning how to finger yourself, so get what you need to enjoy the most pleasure and feel confident and comfortable before you start.

How to finger yourself and get pleasure: 5 steps

3. Teasing and Getting in the Mood

Most people don’t enjoy penetrative sex without a bit of preparation. So don’t start the process of fingering your vaginal opening until you are ready and in the mood.

Sure, you could start with some lube, but why not get your own body started the natural way? Before you start fingering, pleasure your erogenous zones with a slow stroking motion. Use your fingers in a circular motion around your clitoris. Those sensitive nerve endings will respond quickly. But, have some restraint. You don’t want to reach orgasm too soon.

If you have time, you can even incorporate your whole body. Don’t start in the bedroom. Instead, try a warm shower. Pamper yourself with some lightly scented lotion that you massage into your skin. Pay close attention to your inner thighs. Massage your breasts. Watch porn. You want your body to be ready, but also to be in the right headspace.

Related reading: How and Why Girls Tease Men?

4. Find What You Like Most to Masturbate

Let’s talk about learning how to finger yourself. There are many different fingering techniques. Every woman eventually finds her rhythm. Some prefer not to have fingers inside themselves at all, and will just focus on external stimulation. Some women think anal fingering is amazing, and others – not so much.

The sexual technique here is simply a fingering technique that you can use to get started with self-pleasure.

One Finger

You’re ready for penetration. Relax and slowly insert just one finger. Take your time and focus on the sensations in your vagina. Do you prefer deeper penetration during masturbation or to focus on the entrance of your vagina. Try different fingers. Your middle finger is often the longest, and might be perfect for G-spot stimulation.

Two Fingers

Do you crave a feeling of fullness in your vagina? Add more fingers. Experiment and pay attention to your body. You can also change positions. That’s where those pillows and blankets to support your body are going to come in handy. If you didn’t hit your g spot with one finger, you might with two or more.

Try Some Variety

There really are no rules here! This is a personal thing. Use your thumb or other hand to stroke your clitoris. Try some anal stimulation. In fact, if you are intimidated by anal sex, this is a great way to experiment with just a bit of gentle pressure and light penetration without committing to anything more.

Sex Toys

Masturbation can be made much better with the right sex toys. A fingertip vibrator can be used against your clitoris while you use your fingers on your g-spot. Speaking of the g-spot, there are women who use anal plugs while they masturbate to intensify their g-spot orgasm.

Try getting started with a pleasure session and then incorporating toys at the end. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Over time, you will slowly start to develop a customizable technique to make your body feel amazing. Your masturbation process may focus heavily on the clitoris, or you might be all about fingering your vagina to simulate sexual intercourse. As long as you feel good, you’re doing it right.

5. Pace Yourself and Fantasize

You can increase your pleasure and reach an intense orgasm if you are playing out a sexy fantasy in your mind as you finger yourself. Remember that this is all about you and what makes you feel good, so relax and think about whatever you like. Trust us, your fantasy is completely normal.

Now, you’ve learned how to finger yourself. Everything feels good. You may even feel an orgasm coming on! On one hand, that’s great! On the other, you may not be ready for things to peak so quickly.

That’s okay! you can get your body to slow down so you can enjoy your solo sex session and not reach orgasm too soon.

  • Deep breathing – Take deep breaths to make things less intense
  • Move your finger away from your clitoris or g-spot to hold off your orgasm temporarily
  • Clear your mind for a minute or two

Also, start slow. Remember that you know your body well and that the average woman can bring herself to orgasm in around 8 minutes. You may need to be very intentional about delayed orgasm.

This may be a good time to practice edging. That’s when you have sex or masturbate but stop just before you orgasm. Then you start again. It’s often used to help guys get over premature ejaculation, but many women enjoy that same amount of intensity and control.

Is Female Masturbation Taboo?

“I was worried about my own vagina. It needed a context of other vaginas– a community, a culture of vaginas. There’s so much darkness and secrecy surrounding them– like the Bermunda Triangle.”

Eve Ensler, The Vagina Monologues

Masturbation is perfectly natural. Hopefully, this ultimate guide will give you the info you need to finger your vagina and enjoy an amazing sex life. That said, there are some persistent notions about the vagina and masturbation. Hopefully, you were taught to love your body and every part of it. But, you may struggle to enjoy “self-servicing” if you were told that is sinful or unclean.

Meanwhile, take your time. It’s good to break free of these kinds of restraints. But, you can do that slowly, and at your own pace.

Related reading: The Making of a Sexual Goddess

Learn How to Finger For an Amazing Sex Life

If all the fingering you do is to navigate solo pleasure, that’s great! But, you can also try lying down side to side with your partner for a mutual masturbation experience.

Did you know there were so many benefits to masturbation? First, you can strengthen your pelvic floor. Menstruating may find that their cramps are less intense after orgasm. The most important thing? You spend time focusing solely on your own enjoyment.

Love&Sex Expert
Cherie Hamilton
I’ve always been inspired by women who are outgoing, very sure of themselves, and not afraid to be who they were, including their sex lives. Under their tutelage, I gradually shed my old self, hung out and socialized with them, and, over time, became the empowered, self-confident, and sexual woman I am today. Happy to share my insights with other women today!
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