14 Red Flags in Women—Here’s Your Checklist

New relationships are always so exciting. You’ve had your first date, the stars shine brighter, the moon is aglow, and your emotions are on overdrive. She seems too good to be true. You have the same interests; you chat and laugh with ease; you enjoy the same music and other aspects of pop culture; even your politics are compatible. The whole world just seems to be a better place because she is in your life. You are in the early stages, often called the infatuation phase, and may be on your way to a healthy relationship. In fact, you are even thinking about making this relationship more permanent – maybe even moving in together. But did you check out on these red flags in women that can be there?

Ignoring the red flags because you want to see the good in people will cost you later.

— Aaron (@IAmAaronWill) November 11, 2021

Before you move in or start planning a wedding, step back and just breathe. You’ve known each other for a very short time. And you’ve probably had past relationships that didn’t work out in the end, for any number of reasons. One of those may be that you didn’t take the time to grow that relationship gradually and really determine if you were right for each other.

Hold On a Minute!

Don’t make the same mistake. Jumping into a serious relationship too soon may mean that you have ignored some tiny signals that turn into yellow flags and then into red flags. Now a yellow flag is a small hint that she may not be everything that you have assumed. A red flag is overt behavior that is more serious. You may overlook the yellow flags if they remain just that – after all couples do have to compromise on minor issues. But when you see dating red flags – toxic behavior that causes real concern, it’s a warning sign that all may not be well in paradise, and it’s time to re-evaluate. These could turn into deal breakers.

So, just what are these dating red flags? Here’s a checklist of the most common red flags that you should review carefully. If any of these are popping up, take a step back.

Most Common Red Flags in Women

1. She’s Showing Signs of Extreme Self-Centeredness

Women who are self-absorbed will show these signs soon after they start dating. They monopolize conversations, focus only on their accomplishments, needs, and wants, and must be constantly praised and appreciated. If you stay in this relationship, you will probably spend your time satisfying her and ignoring your own relationship needs. Your resentment will build over time and will find an outlet in anger directed somewhere, and that may be toward innocent others in your life. Not a healthy way to live for sure.

2. She Engages in Frequent Criticism and Name-Calling

How does she respond to you during disagreements or when you make a mistake? Adults who are mature work these out in an adult manner. Someone who must use name-calling and criticism is not only immature but may come from lots of insecurity, and the need to feel superior.

The problem is it can do a number on the self-esteem of a partner, and that doesn’t seem to matter. When you are hearing stuff like “How could you be so stupid,” or “Can’t you do anything right?” accompanied by a nasty facial expression and other negative body language, you have a right to feel disrespected. It’s one of the red flags in women that you shouldn’t tolerate. If this is common in your relationship, you need to get out. It shows a lack of respect.

3. She Is Love-Bombing You from the Very Beginning

This is one of the most serious red flags in women (or men for that matter). If you’ve never heard this term before, it is simply this:

• She comes on really strong in the beginning
• She talks about how you are the one, she just knows it
• She’s totally in love with you, and the two of you are just meant to be forever together
• She piles on the flattery and makes all kinds of amazing promises to you – how she will take you on trips, will spend all kinds of money on you, and wants to love and cherish you for the rest of your lives.

Wow, that’s a lot to handle so soon. Yet you are flattered and infatuated, and she’s just so attractive, outgoing, and enthusiastic. Life with her would be amazing. And so, you begin to think that you may just be in love too.

There are two possibilities. One, she may just be so desperate for someone that she is willing to do anything to get a partner. Second possibility is she is a narcissist who must be admired and adored at all costs.

And all of those promises will never come to pass. It’s really all just controlling behavior. If you continue in this relationship, it may not last very long. As soon as signs of your adoration begin to slip, you call her out on a few things, or you do not show undivided attention, she will move on to her next victim, leaving you in the dust wondering what just happened. And she may block you from all communication just like that. Such a person doesn’t care who she hurts and how badly. It’s all about her.

4. She Has Unrealistic Expectations of You

Here’s one of the most frequent red flags in women. You have started dating, things are going well, and you are spending a lot of quality time together. But as time goes on, this person is coming to depend on you for more and more help. Maybe she can’t meet all of her bills this month; she needs you to pick up her dry cleaning, get the groceries, or just go out and warm up her car. Sound familiar to you? You may at first love being her “prince charming,” but it will get old, and her demands will only increase. In East and Southeast Asia, this behaviour is called “princess syndrome.”

“What those men don’t realize is that that’s a 50-year-long load they’ve just signed up for. Sure, it’s wonderful for the ego of most men who cherish being the head and the problem solver in the family, but you need to understand that you need an independent person in your life. A dependent person will pull you down…”

Gopa Khan, clinical psychologist who specializes in online and in-person marriage and family counseling

If you’re not ready to be prince charming for the rest of your life, you better dump your princess now.

5. She Is Needy and Clingy

There is a big difference between this and the “princess syndrome” red flag. Instead of demanding things of her prince charming, this woman cannot feel whole unless she is in a relationship at all times. And when she is in a romantic relationship, she will do anything to sustain it. But in that quest, she becomes a bit of an albatross around your neck.

She texts you at all hours, blows up your phone, wants to know where you are at all times, and won’t leave your side wherever you go socially. She may even turn into a bit of a stalker. Ultimately, if her current partner shows signs of being annoyed or tries to talk with her about giving them some space, the conversation will go nowhere, and she will often have a “breakdown.”

If you are in one of these relationships, do whatever you can to get her to move on. If that fails? Better to block her and hope she goes away. More than one of these types of relationships has resulted in domestic violence on the part of such women. If you see any sign of such behavior early on, feel bad for her but cut it off.

A Princess and her Prince Charming. *This* is a work of art. #NationalSpousesDay #MizAndMrs pic.twitter.com/ozanfnJbxE

— The Miz (@mikethemiz) January 26, 2022

6. She Has Bad Relationships with Loved Ones

If a woman you are dating is “on the outs” with family members, it would be a good idea to probe this a bit. Sometimes, there are reasons that make perfect sense. Other times, not so much. If, for example, she has had a poor relationship with her father all her life and they barely speak, why? The first male-female relationship that women have is with their fathers. If that relationship was poor or nonexistent, it can impact their dating relationships as teens and adults.

If they have poor relationships with other family members, you may want to ask about them. She may not want to talk about her past, but it’s worth a try. Being on the “outs” with almost all family members can be a red flag for women. It can speak to some possible personality or behavioral issues. Just be mindful.

7. She Brings Up Her Ex Too Often

Any of us who have been dating for a while will have an ex or two, maybe more. We may even mention them a time or two when dating someone new. For example, an ex may have turned you into a Netflix series that you are hooked on, and you mention it. That’s normal. But if the woman you are dating spends a lot of time talking horribly about her ex, how terribly they treated her, and how much of a victim she was, it’s a huge red flag. Trash-talking an ex probably means she has not gotten over them yet. Or, if she really was a victim of abuse, then she has not yet healed from the situation.

There is another red flag that you might want to consider. Is this woman dating you because she wants to make her ex jealous? Watch for any sign that this may be the case. There might be some hints on her social media pages. If you get a sense that this is the case, dump her now.

8. She Gaslights You

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. She doesn’t validate your feelings or opinions and gives a whole host of demeaning responses – “That’s not how it went,” “You’re really overreacting,” “That’s just crazy,” etc. This is another huge red flag. It becomes obvious that she does not value your thoughts, opinions, or feelings, and that spells trouble. She may even have you doubting yourself. That’s not the type of partner you want. Move on.

9. She Has a Negative “Outlook”

Here is a red flag that speaks to a basic personality trait that you want to avoid. The clues are pretty obvious. Her friends don’t treat her well enough; others are always trying to cheat her out of something; the meal wasn’t worth the price; her co-workers treat her badly, etc., etc., etc. Nothing is ever good enough. All of these types of statements are major red flags. How would you like to be in this partner’s life for the rest of your life? Nothing you do will ever be good enough. Not a girl for you.

10. She Doesn’t Demonstrate Empathy

This is one of the most important relationship red flags of all. Suppose you have been really stressed at work lately, perhaps a project that is not going well. You share that situation with her. Her response? “Oh, you’ll be fine. Stop dwelling on it.” She has just dismissed your problem as “nothing” to her.

Empathy is the ability to place yourself in the other’s position and see things through their eyes. In an argument, it does not have to mean that you agree with them, but, rather, that you are able to see where they are coming from. Lack of empathy is one of those relationship red flags that you cannot ignore.

11. She Exhausts You

This can be related to the “needy and clingy” syndrome. If you have a dating partner who demands so much of your time and energy that you have little room left to attend to your own independent needs and responsibilities, you have a red flag that must be addressed. And don’t feel afraid to address it.

Calmly explain that you have to have more time for yourself. If she ignores your need as if it’s no big deal and continues the same behavior, it’s time to look for someone else to date. This partner is not going to work for you. Be prepared to be “trashed” because she can no longer control you.

Give without remembering and receive without forgetting. pic.twitter.com/RDxCXPngEk

— Motivational Quotes (@motivational) August 24, 2021

12. She’s Getting Far More Than She’s Giving

Here’s one of those relationship red flags in women that cannot be ignored. No couple can create a 50-50 partnership that works 100% of the time. The point is this: there will always be times when that balance is skewed in either direction, depending on the circumstances at the time. You know this. It is true with your friends. One of them has a crisis and is going through a rough patch. You give more of yourself and your time and energy at that point, and it will be reciprocated at another time. The same holds true for any romantic partner you date.

You are getting the sense that she is always on the receiving end and that you are always giving more than your 50%. She is not. Is there harm in this? Yes. If you are thinking about this woman as a long-term partner, think again. You could be looking at a lifetime of giving more with her in control of that imbalance.

13. She Doesn’t Take Responsibility

As mature adults, we take responsibility for our actions and the consequences that result. When we make a mistake, we acknowledge it and do what we can to fix it. If your woman fails to acknowledge mistakes and takes no responsibility for them, it can be a sign of narcissism and a deep-seated controlling nature. It’s her goal not to assume blame, even when others are hurt by her actions. While it seems crazy to you, she places the blame on others, often playing the victim card. Think about it. Would you accept such behavior from your friends? Of course not. And you should not accept it from her either. Better to be a bit hurt from a breakup now than hope that she will change.

14. She Lacks Conflict Resolution Skills

You and your partner are bound to have conflicts. Every relationship has them. Suppose she is a neat freak and cannot abide anything out of place. You are not so inclined, and small disarray doesn’t bother you. Suppose you have combined some of your finances for shared expenses, and she is using that money for personal things. Your desire is to sit down, talk it out, and arrive at compromise solutions that both of you can live with. Instead, she “goes off” on you, with angry words and the demand that you must agree to her solutions or else. Really? Take the “or else” path and get out. This is one of those red flags you can’t ignore.

These 14…

So, these 14 red flags in women should serve as a checklist as you think about any dating relationship you have with a person. You want and deserve a partner who is mature, who cares about your wants and needs, and who is able to take an active role in developing a stable, loving relationship. If these red flags in women are popping up, then you need to analyze that relationship and see if it is something you want to continue.

Every new relationship is exciting and filled with anticipation of success. But in its newness, you may miss red flags that are waving at you. If some of those red flags are waving, it’s time to re-evaluate.

“Share a long, traffic-ridden car ride with this partner. When you see how they react in that stressful environment, you see how they’re capable of being, the way they express their emotions around you, and how they handle stress. That should tell you everything you need to know.”

Gopa Khan